# The Lincoln Douglas Debates **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378 "2010-01-25T17:14:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378/1 "2010-01-25T17:14:28Z")
As performed by Samuel L. Jackson and Mr.T: **Douglas** : Ho’s and Motherfuckers, Mr. Lincoln demands that he shall have the place intended for Trumbull, as Trumbull cheated him and got his, and Trumbull is stumping the State traducing me for the purpose of securing the position for Lincoln, in order to quiet him. Fuck that, when I want to quiet somebody, I’ll hunt him down and feed him his testicles. It was in consequence of this arrangement that the Republican Convention was impanneled to instruct for Lincoln and nobody else, and it was on this account that they passed resolutions that he was their first, their last, and their only choice. Archy Williams was nowhere, Browning was nobody, Wentworth was not to be considered; they had no man in the Republican party for the place except Lincoln, for the reason that he demanded that they should carry out the arrangement. Normally, their asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but they pulled this shit while I was in a transitional period, so it was not in the interest of the Union that I kill them. **Lincoln** : Suckas, when a man hears himself somewhat misrepresented, it provokes him. At least, I find it so with myself; but when the jibba jabba becomes very gross and palpable, it is more apt to amuse him. The first thing I see fit to notice, is that I pity the fool. Judge Douglas alleges that Judge Trumbull and myself made an arrangement in 1854, by which I was to have the place of Gen. Shields in the United States Senate, and Judge Trumbull was to have the place of Judge Douglas. Now, all I have to say upon that subject is, that I think no man-not even Judge Douglas-can prove it, _because it is not true._ I have no doubt he is “conscientious” in saying it, but I ask that my opponent remember the Golden Rule: I have the gold, and I rule. Stay in school. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2010, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378/2 "2010-01-25T23:45:12Z")
…huh… well… okay. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378/3 "2010-01-26T02:55:09Z")
I like it. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378/4 "2010-01-26T03:51:00Z")
I thought it was good. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lincoln-douglas-debates/526378/5 "2010-01-26T15:03:20Z")
“I have had it with this motherfucking slavery in my motherfucking Union!”