# The line between friendly get-together and something more **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 26, 2010, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390 "2010-10-26T06:09:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/1 "2010-10-26T06:09:17Z")
Reading a thread in MPSIMS, a comment was made to the effect that “lunch is friendly, dinner is a date”. Obviously this isn’t always strictly true, but it seems a fair rule of thumb to me. But how do other variables change this? If you’re friends at work or in the community, or know each other well in some other social setting already, does the idea of dinner become more innocuous? What about if it’s dinner at home? At the club? At McDonald’s? (Surely the latter says “just friends”…) And if drinks are involved? At what point is one half not to be blamed if they think it’s a date? Or when can the other half assure themselves that it’s _not_ a date? ---
**Author:** ![Dereknocue67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@Dereknocue67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dereknocue67)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/2 "2010-10-26T09:23:10Z")
It’s a date when the nipple makes an appearance. Thank you Seinfeld. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/3 "2010-10-26T09:26:22Z")
Another pragmatic take: It’s a date when you find the other person attractive. It’s “just friends” when you don’t. It’s no wonder there’s so much confusion. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/4 "2010-10-26T09:58:42Z")
If you have had sex with the other party or you are trying to have sex with the other party or would like to have sex with the other party but are afraid to try, it is a date. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/5 "2010-10-26T10:34:10Z")
In my case, lunch can be a date, dinner is zzzzzorry… (morning person. Sorry. I’ll do “movie and early dinner”, but don’t call me for “dinner and a movie”) I like **don’t ask** ’s definition, but I think this is one case where one whould actually do ask. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/6 "2010-10-26T10:59:35Z")
> [@Lobot](#): > > Another pragmatic take: > > It’s a date when you find the other person attractive. > > It’s “just friends” when you don’t. > > It’s no wonder there’s so much confusion. 🙂 So a thing can be a date to one person and “just friends” to the other? That sounds about right. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/7 "2010-10-26T11:34:14Z")
It’s a date when both people agree it’s a date. If you’re not sure, ask. If you can’t have a simple conversation about something so basic, you don’t have a shot together anyway, so you have nothing to lose. If you have to ask, it’s generally not a date. I think the dinner/lunch distinction is kind of dumb, myself. Of course, that opinion is likely colored by an unpredictable schedule and not much time during the workday–lunch with a friend is a real pain in the ass to pull off and it’s much simpler to just do dinner instead. Given the way people’s schedules seem to be any more, surely that’s not unusual. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/8 "2010-10-26T15:39:53Z")
I hope that I’m not overstepping my bounds here. I get the impression that the OP is looking for concrete, objective examples, considering that every example provided could be determined conclusively by an outside observer. (No one wonders whether or not a McDonald’s really is a McDonald’s.) By contrast, I feel like some of the responses are decidedly subjective. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/9 "2010-10-26T15:55:12Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I hope that I’m not overstepping my bounds here. I get the impression that the OP is looking for concrete, objective examples, considering that every example provided could be determined conclusively by an outside observer. I don’t think you’re going to get anything that’s both concrete and universal. I’ve been on lunches that were clearly dates and dinners that were clearly just friends. I think that the best yardstick is that both parties understand it to be one or the other. Of course, there are times when the participants don’t agree on what it is. The other night I met a woman for dinner. It started and ended with a hug. Immediately afterwards I met a different woman for coffee. That also started and ended with a hug. Which was the date and which was friendship? ---
**Author:** ![Yarster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/7c8e57/32.png) [@Yarster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yarster)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/10 "2010-10-26T16:51:18Z")
Tdn - that’s easy! The one where the hug was a little awkward and you had to lean forward because you were hiding your boner. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/11 "2010-10-26T16:53:51Z")
That would be both of them! ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/12 "2010-10-26T17:04:53Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > It’s a date when both people agree it’s a date. If you’re not sure, ask. If you can’t have a simple conversation about something so basic, you don’t have a shot together anyway, so you have nothing to lose. > > If you have to ask, it’s generally not a date. Wait, what? a) if you’re not sure, ask b) if you ask, it’s not a date I’m a little confused. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/13 "2010-10-26T17:05:50Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I don’t think you’re going to get anything that’s both concrete and universal. I’ve been on lunches that were clearly dates and dinners that were clearly just friends. I think that the best yardstick is that both parties understand it to be one or the other. Of course, there are times when the participants don’t agree on what it is. True, but I think there are some concrete things that you might point to as an indicator. For example, I’d be more inclined to think it’s a date if the man was paying than if he expected me to pay. If I get together for a date after work, I’m more likely to re-apply my makeup, whereas with a friend I’d probably just stick to whatever I put on that morning. If the man says “take you out,” that phrase is more indicative of a date than “let’s go \_\_\_.” These are not fool-proof indicators one way or the other, but they are concrete examples of what might suggest that something is a date. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/14 "2010-10-26T17:35:46Z")
True. My female friends usually don’t wear little black dresses for casual dinner. (Then again, neither do my dates.) ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/15 "2010-10-26T19:48:50Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Wait, what? > > a) if you’re not sure, ask > b) if you ask, it’s not a date > I’m a little confused. 🙂 If you’re not sure whether it’s a date, it’s (probably) not a date. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/16 "2010-10-26T21:10:04Z")
Well, I hope neither circumstance is a date, because my wife might not like that. I don’t regard them as dates, but I’ve not asked my wife her opinion. :eek: Obviously it’s not my wife I’m talking about dining with. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/17 "2010-10-26T22:35:54Z")
It’s a friendly get-together when I mean a friend, watch a movie, and discuss it afterward over dinner and a beer or cocktail. It’s a date when I get stood up. I hope that makes the distinction clear. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/18 "2010-10-26T22:51:16Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > b) if you ask, it’s not a date No, what I meant was that dates are typically pretty damn unambiguous, so if you’re not already sure it’s a date, it’s most likely not one. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/19 "2010-10-26T23:16:27Z")
There is no line, since people need to have either false hopes or plausible deniability. ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390/20 "2010-10-27T01:51:07Z")
I don’t generally consider it a date unless she shows up with a bottle of baby oil and a goat. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-line-between-friendly-get-together-and-something-more/558390.md?page=2)