# The Liquidation Channel's Tanzanite Smackdown **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2012, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411 "2012-06-17T08:10:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/42 "2014-12-12T13:36:58Z")
No link, plenty to snark on – I’m going to leave it open. Have fun, y’all. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/43 "2014-12-12T13:51:51Z")
Can we count on fast responses from your customer service? ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/44 "2014-12-12T14:02:13Z")
> [@SBectonLC](#): > > We have a\*\* great technical team we source from the cheapest interns\*\* and graphic designers available So much coffee I had to clean up from that part. I do see Drew’s point now. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/45 "2014-12-12T14:02:42Z")
> [@](#): > > The 1.9 million dollar tanzanite gemstone that they knocked down to the low, low price of $149,999.99. With 2.99 shipping and handling of course. Shannon was in on lowering the price of this one, much to all of our pleasure. By golly, if I spend $149K, _I want free shipping!_ And, if I act now, I want _two extra_ gemstones for the price of one, a DVD explaining how to use the gemstone, a set of smaller gemstones that I can use to cut a shoe, and the Cap Snaffler. But only if [it really, really works](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Popeil). Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/46 "2014-12-12T14:54:56Z")
> [@splatterpunk](#): > > Umm, don’t you mean the highest savings possible? Nope, I bet he didn’t. And if that IS the president of the channel, then the president needs to quit googling versions of his name and do his actual job. If that’s not (as I highly suspect - I’m sorry, poor “cheap intern” (and, incidentally, how is calling your staff ‘cheap-ass interns from the dregs of the industry’ LESS offensive than calling them actresses?) that you have to spam message-boards (chat-rooms, seriously?) like this to keep your job) then there are better things to be having your interns do than providing endless amusement to internet denizens. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/47 "2014-12-12T15:08:33Z")
Good day to you fine ladies and gentlemen, I am Mr. Ohnotnow. I live in Nigeria and find myself in dire circumstance. My uncle, MR. Okthenwhen, died recently, shortly after converting his vast fortune to uncut tanzanite gems. They must be smuggled out of the country in the rectums of brave volunteers. I wonder if any of you would be interested in a opportunity for wealth? Here is my offer. Buy a round trip ticket to Nigeria and send me your flight schedule. I will meet you at the airport, and together, in an airport bathroom, we will stuff as much tanzanite as possible into your ass. When you return home, remove and sell the tanzanite, and set aside half of your profits for me. Of course I expect you to deduct your travel expenses. I will trust you with my half of the profit until I exit Nigeria following the last assload. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/48 "2014-12-12T17:57:20Z")
You are gonna have **Mangetout** on your ass in no time. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/49 "2014-12-12T18:26:20Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I am Mr. Ohnotnow. I live in Nigeria and find myself in dire circumstance. My uncle, MR. Okthenwhen, died recently, shortly after converting his vast fortune to uncut tanzanite gems. They must be smuggled out of the country in the rectums of brave volunteers. Do I get to use the cardboard tube? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/50 "2014-12-12T18:40:26Z")
> [@Tully\_Mars](#): > > Do I get to use the cardboard tube? We’re talking about tanzanite here, not impossible anal rape! ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/51 "2014-12-12T18:50:08Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > We’re talking about tanzanite here, not impossible anal rape! I’d take another look at those prices if I were you, dude. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/52 "2014-12-12T19:10:11Z")
I will lower the price so much that the anal tanzanite rape will no longer be impossible! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/53 "2014-12-12T19:34:41Z")
> [@SBectonLC](#): > > Our sourcing departments are always on the lookout for exquisite gems and and fine pieces and work to acquire them at rock bottom prices so that we can pass on the savings to you and your loved ones! _We cheat the other guy and pass the savings along to you!_ ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/54 "2014-12-12T20:06:16Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > We’re talking about tanzanite here, not impossible anal rape! Considering the chances that I would willingly allow rocks to be shoved up my ass - Tanzanian or otherwise, tubed, lubed or cubed - the only way it COULD happen would have to be considered rape. 'Tis one of those things I’m quite willing to knock without trying. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/56 "2014-12-12T21:08:21Z")
Heh…you said “deepest, warmest.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/57 "2014-12-12T21:19:46Z")
You’re beginning to piss me off, SBectonLC. I really don’t care what you think about tanzanite and anal rape, and refraining from mentioning it during the holiday season. However, come January, I will be highly entertained if you endorse anal rape with tanzanite, or even tanzanite enemas if we want to put a cheerier term to it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/58 "2014-12-12T22:10:28Z")
He’s going to reintroduce himself every time, isn’t he? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/59 "2014-12-12T23:08:37Z")
Okay, maybe that IS a parody. The suspension of disbelief is getting a little more difficult. But seriously, whoever is writing that as a comedy item, you are hilarious. I want to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/60 "2014-12-12T23:36:35Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > What exactly IS the “best quality” tanzanite? How does it differ from shitty tanzanite? It wasn’t smuggled out in somebody’s ass? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2014, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/61 "2014-12-12T23:38:36Z")
> [@SBectonLC](#): > > In regards to the sexual comments, during this time of holiday cheer and merriment, we ask here at the Liquidation Channel that you refrain from comparing our products to lewd and criminal sexual acts. We’re not actually at the Liquidation Channel, though (nor are we in a chat, BTW). You’re in _our_ house, dawg. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411/62 "2014-12-13T00:16:52Z")
> [@SBectonLC](#): > > In regards to the sexual comments, during this time of holiday cheer and merriment, we ask here at the Liquidation Channel that you refrain from comparing our products to lewd and criminal sexual acts. FYI, [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=650726) is the registration agreement for the Straight Dope Message Board, which you agreed to when you signed up. (Associated rules are also posted as sticky threads there in ATMB, and MPSIMS specific rules are posted as sticky threads [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=457052) in MPSIMS.) There is no part of the agreement that prevents us from comparing your products to lewd and criminal sexual acts. Sorry! I doubt we’re your target audience anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-liquidation-channels-tanzanite-smackdown/625411.md?page=4)