# The Littlest Briston Chooses A Career Path: Assassination **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972 "2013-12-10T13:01:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/1 "2013-12-10T13:01:56Z")
She brought home a school assignment on which she was to write out one fact and one opinion on various topics. > [@](#): > > Fact: You pay with money. > Opinion: I love money. > > Fact: You can make poisons with science. > Opinion: Science is fun! Yeah, going to have to keep a careful eye on any drinks she “helpfully” brings to me. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/2 "2013-12-10T13:33:47Z")
Just let her know that a copy of her homework has been given to your lawyer in a sealed envelope, with instructions to open it if you die under mysterious circumstances. That should keep you alive for a few more years. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/3 "2013-12-10T13:46:06Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Just let her know that a copy of her homework has been given to your lawyer in a sealed envelope, with instructions to open it if you die under mysterious circumstances. That should keep you alive for a few more years. Won’t work, a kid like that has eyes and ears everywhere. That nice secretary? Was really her bff Effie from homeroom. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/4 "2013-12-10T14:11:22Z")
Would you rather she chose shepherd? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/5 "2013-12-10T15:02:31Z")
Time to take “The Borgias” off your Netflix queue. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/6 "2013-12-10T15:26:44Z")
think twice before you make her eat food she doesn’t like because it’s healthy. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Bredin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@John\_Bredin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Bredin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/7 "2013-12-10T15:29:12Z")
One letter off from [Bristow](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydney_Bristow), what do you expect? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/8 "2013-12-10T19:51:18Z")
I once substitute taught a kindergarten class. One boy was playing in the kitchen area and was stirring an empty bowl. He told me, “I made a potion for the ne’er-do-wells.” Okay. :eek: In retrospect, I wish I’d asked what it did. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/9 "2013-12-10T20:06:13Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > Would you rather she chose shepherd? Holy crap, that’s what I said I wanted to be! But I said it during my last month of high school, when the Useless Guidance Counselor rushed to get all the students he’d never met into a “college and career guidance” interview. Of course, the parents had to dress up and come in late on a Friday night and sit and listen to The UGC prattle about goals and Making A Difference. So when he, almost as an afterthought (and four years too late) asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I said “Mr. Dybdubb, I’m seriously considering becoming a shepherd.” To my parents’ credit, they kept straight faces… and enjoyed watching him squirm. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/10 "2013-12-10T21:54:40Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Just let her know that a copy of her homework has been given to your lawyer in a sealed envelope, with instructions to open it if you die under mysterious circumstances. That should keep you alive for a few more years. I wouldn’t worry too much. Kids today brag about their crimes on-line. Hal’s killer would be brought to justice in no time. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/11 "2013-12-10T22:04:04Z")
You must teach her to use her powers for good. Or at least a really good sinister laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/12 "2013-12-10T23:55:37Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Time to take “The Borgias” off your Netflix queue. And If you want here respect, add _The Godfather_. And talk like Brando. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/13 "2013-12-11T02:42:36Z")
I teach Sunday school. There comes a time when kids, boys especially, but some girls, get very creatively violent. We’ve built communities where a Godzilla holding pen is required, talked about why non violent resistance is better than pipe bombs (we were discussing non violent resistance and a helpful child described how to make pipe bombs), and made paper bag puppets to talk about feelings that turned into zombie paper bag puppets interested in eating the brains of other puppets. I started when my kids were little, and the kids I first taught are high school youth group members now, going to Peace Jams. They seem to outgrow it, or maybe just channel it more appropriately. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-littlest-briston-chooses-a-career-path-assassination/675972/14 "2013-12-14T02:11:38Z")
Dangerosa, did you ever read the short story "The Toys of Peace, by Saki(H.H. Munro)? [http://haytom.us/the-toys-of-peace/](http://haytom.us/the-toys-of-peace/) Kids will take the most mundane items and wreak havoc with them. I taught Sunday School too and each year would take my 2nd/3rd grade students into the sanctuary of the cathedral and who them the twelve windows of the original twelve Apostles. \*“So, St. Peter is has this upside down cross because legends say that’s how he was executed”, and “St. Bartholomew is holding a knife because legends say he was martyred by being flayed” \* By the time I got to the third Apostle it would be “Oooo, how did _this_ one die?” Bloodthirsty little suckers. My aunt taught first grade in a parochial school and she said their favorite stories were the gross plagues visited by God on the Egyptians.