# The long and winding divorce..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510 "2012-11-01T01:44:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/241 "2012-12-28T14:53:44Z")
I mean this in the nicest way possible: [http://www.coda.org/](http://www.coda.org/) Seriously, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/242 "2012-12-28T15:30:48Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > I mean this in the nicest way possible: > > [http://www.coda.org/](http://www.coda.org/) > > Seriously, dude. No. Seriously dude. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/243 "2012-12-28T15:43:31Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > What you now term as your ‘personal issues’ previously read as the current situation at home (i.e the divorce) which ultimately does involve people other than yourself. Seems to me that your whole idea over the Christmas break was to tell your mother about the situation face-to-face; and whether or not your wife should be involved in the initial discussion. And you’ve never been faced with an emotional situation where you’ve had to make decisions on the fly? Lucky you. Sometimes the best laid plans go out the window. Seems to me nothing will be lost by waiting to tell his Mom. In fact, maybe being further along in the process with some concrete plans for the future will be more reassuring to her than leaffan’s current limbo. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Burro\_Buenmozo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@El\_Burro\_Buenmozo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Burro_Buenmozo)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/244 "2012-12-28T16:10:08Z")
**Leaffan-** Don’ let anyone beat you up for your decision to wait before telling your mom. This is your life, it’s your relationship & you get to choose how you tell people what’s happening. Have you considered writing your message to your mom in a letter? (Not necessarily to actually mail it, but to make your thoughts and feelings more concrete and coherent) However you tell her, I am confident that she has seen a lot in her 76 years, and I’m sure she wants you and the kids to be happy. Hopefully she will trust you to get through this, like most people faced with your ugly situation do. I sincerely wish you well, and hope you keep us posted on how your conversation with her goes. One last thing- take care of yourself during all this- you need to be healthy, well fed and rested if you are going to face it effectively. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/245 "2013-01-03T21:12:26Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > I mean this in the nicest way possible: > > [http://www.coda.org/](http://www.coda.org/) > > Seriously, dude. Seriously? If you are married and not ‘codependant’ to a certain degree, you are doing it wrong. If one of the two of my husband or myself were to disappear from the earth we would both be facing entirely new challenges that the other usually takes care of. That’s sort of the point. You depend on each other, physically, emotionally and financially and build a new life together. Screw independance, I like being married. **Leaffan** , I am sorry that things have worked out this way for you. Make sure that you keep your priorities straight. You need to make sure that you and your kids are taken care of in all ways. Your spouse now needs to take a back seat so you can get everything in order. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/246 "2013-02-24T01:28:52Z")
Update. OK. So now she’s moving to a rental townhouse with the kids April 1st. We can’t seem to make ends meet as it is, but apparently another $1600 dollars a month will be magically available for her rent in 5 weeks. I’m just shaking my head. It is what it is. I imagine the house will sell for a crap load less than what it should, but c’est la vie. Perhaps it’s best at this point that we just take the financial hit and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/247 "2013-02-24T03:14:03Z")
Well. That sounds…like she still isn’t dealing with reality. As you say, maybe taking the financial hit and moving on really would end up being the least pain in the long run. ---
**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/248 "2013-02-24T03:20:53Z")
**Leaffan** I think it’s the best attitude to take, and hopefully shield yourself as best you can when reality does catch up with her. How are your kids taking the news? If you need to vent PM me. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/249 "2013-02-24T03:50:43Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Update. > > OK. So now she’s moving to a rental townhouse with the kids April 1st. We can’t seem to make ends meet as it is, but apparently another $1600 dollars a month will be magically available for her rent in 5 weeks. > > I’m just shaking my head. > > It is what it is. I imagine the house will sell for a crap load less than what it should, but c’est la vie. > > Perhaps it’s best at this point that we just take the financial hit and move on. Yes it probably is. I sold our house in a short sale. It was best to get it off my hands and move on once she got her own place. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2013, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/250 "2013-02-24T11:55:45Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Well. That sounds…like she still isn’t dealing with reality. As you say, maybe taking the financial hit and moving on really would end up being the least pain in the long run. > [@jools](#): > > **Leaffan** I think it’s the best attitude to take, and hopefully shield yourself as best you can when reality does catch up with her. How are your kids taking the news? > > If you need to vent PM me. > [@Loach](#): > > Yes it probably is. I sold our house in a short sale. It was best to get it off my hands and move on once she got her own place. Thanks guys. I need to remain in a zen-like calmness though this. Or perhaps an alcohol-induced stupor. I’m not sure which. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/251 "2013-03-22T23:36:07Z")
Am I nuts? She moves out with the kids this coming Friday. When I got home tonight she said we were invited over to the neighbour’s tomorrow night to play cards. The neighbour’s don’t know anything about this divorce. We are good friends with them but we only get together maybe 4 to 6 times a year. We haven’t got together with them since before Christmas. Umm, I said, no I don’t think we should go over for cards tomorrow night. There are two things we can do; go over for cards and tell them up-front we’re getting divorced and I’ll be on my own after next week, or play cards and laugh and drink for 5 or 6 hours and then tell them. Either way it’s fucking awkward and I said I’m not going to do it. She says “I’d like to see them for one last time.” Am I nuts? How would you feel if your neighbours told you at the beginning of the night they were getting divorced, as apposed to waiting till the end of the night and saying “OK. Thanks for having us. We’re getting divorced now BTW! Thanks!” ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/252 "2013-03-22T23:58:51Z")
And, no sooner was this post out of my lips and she’s over there at the neighbour’s already, no doubt telling them how terrible I am and how hard done by she is. Lovely. Weee… ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2013, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/253 "2013-03-23T00:53:22Z")
Remain calm, you’re doing great. Very soon she’ll be off and into another world. You’re going to feel a whole lot better then, I promise. Hang in there, you’re getting there, and we’re all pulling for you! ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/254 "2013-03-29T12:00:36Z")
Well, I’m off to pick up the moving truck. After today a new chapter begins. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/255 "2013-03-29T13:25:52Z")
Best of luck, **Leaffan**! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/256 "2013-03-29T16:36:07Z")
I’m still wishing you all the best too, **Leaffan**. It’s difficult to know that there are people out there who have a wrong idea about you, and there’s nothing you can do about it - I guess all you can do is just re-assure yourself that _you_ know the truth about yourself. Cold comfort, I know. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/257 "2013-03-30T17:56:39Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I’m still wishing you all the best too, **Leaffan**. It’s difficult to know that there are people out there who have a wrong idea about you, and there’s nothing you can do about it - I guess all you can do is just re-assure yourself that _you_ know the truth about yourself. Cold comfort, I know. Thanks Cat. Well, we moved all day yesterday, me and my 14 year old son doing everything while the women folk stood by. When we were unloading the last truck load my good friend stopped by and helped. After that I went back to his place for a beverage and found out that I’m being trash-talked behind my back. Lovely, as I’m trying to take the high road here. Anyway, this morning I went shopping and bought everything we need for a turkey dinner that I’m cooking at her place tomorrow, since she wants turkey and can’t cook! Oops. Still trying to take the high road. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/258 "2013-03-30T18:16:52Z")
They didn’t even help move? Are they under the misconception that women aren’t physically able to lift and carry? Well, for what it’s worth, from what you’ve described here, your wife doesn’t sound like much of a woman. Of course we’re only getting your side of the story, but still. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/259 "2013-03-30T18:30:27Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > They didn’t even help move? Are they under the misconception that women aren’t physically able to lift and carry? Apparently. > [@](#): > > Well, for what it’s worth, from what you’ve described here, your wife doesn’t sound like much of a woman. Of course we’re only getting your side of the story, but still. Yeah, I know. And if I was hell-bent on character defamation I would have said a lot more, and a lot worse, and said it a lot more vociferously. So, yeah, my side of the story is that my wife and 15 year old daughter didn’t help move anything. Take my word for it or not. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/260 "2013-03-30T19:05:00Z")
Good luck to you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510.md?page=14)