# The long and winding divorce..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 1, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510 "2012-11-01T01:44:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/61 "2012-11-05T02:51:48Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > A regular divorce in Canada takes a year from the time of filing, I believe. If they haven’t filed yet, it is indeed going to be a long time. Not necessarily. For a no-fault divorce, the couple must have lived separate and apart for one year. The divorce can be filed at any time during that period–so, if it is filed on the day of the separation, the period will be one year from filing; if it is filed on the last day of the separation, it can take place immediately. What counts is the date of separation, not the date of filing. There are other grounds for divorce in Canada: adultery and cruelty. These are “at-fault” grounds, and neither requires a year of waiting. If a divorce action is brought under either ground, it can generally be attended to as soon as possible after filing. ---
**Author:** ![Deegeea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Deegeea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deegeea)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/62 "2012-11-05T15:46:54Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > …they try to act all cool and sophisticated and grown-up about joning the ranks of divorced kids, but they still need to know that they and their activities come first in your life…they really could care less if you are happy I agree that it’s important to make sure you prioritize caring about your kids when you get divorced. But it’s likely that they do care very much if you are happy. And it’s for their own sake as well as yours - stress and happiness are both practically contagious within families. So don’t go too far in the direction of martyrdom for your kids, either. Keep a good balance outlook. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/63 "2012-11-05T17:25:39Z")
Sorry Leaffan and all the others who are going through this ordeal. I’m part of your club. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/64 "2012-11-05T17:44:27Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Not necessarily. For a no-fault divorce, the couple must have lived separate and apart for one year. The divorce can be filed at any time during that period–so, if it is filed on the day of the separation, the period will be one year from filing; if it is filed on the last day of the separation, it can take place immediately. What counts is the date of separation, not the date of filing. > > There are other grounds for divorce in Canada: adultery and cruelty. These are “at-fault” grounds, and neither requires a year of waiting. If a divorce action is brought under either ground, it can generally be attended to as soon as possible after filing. What he said. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/65 "2012-11-05T17:59:31Z")
Ahh the irony I read this thread right after getting off of the phone with my ex wife. My only regret was we should have finished the darn thing back in 2007. It’s been two years… and we are both considerably better for it… I’m in a great relationship with a pretty lady… and the ex is doing well… and has lost weight… looks well. As for the kids… might i suggest that you take them to a class and/or counseling. It really benefited my kids. Mine are the same age as yours… and consistency is what I think is the key. Also might i add that you take them out individually and do specific things they enjoy… I’ve had a fun time walking around H&M with my high fashion 13yr old daughter… : \> ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/66 "2012-11-06T16:55:05Z")
Welcome, unfortunately, to the club. My three kids were around that same age. I suggest you take them on vacations. Our summer vacations made for great memories. That was 15 years ago. Good luck to you, **Leaffan**. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/67 "2012-11-19T04:46:13Z")
So, it’s not getting any easier. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wish I could just go lay on a beach somewhere and forget about everything. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/68 "2012-11-19T06:02:06Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, it’s not getting any easier. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wish I could just go lay on a beach somewhere and forget about everything. Hang in there mate, it is shit but it does get better. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/69 "2012-11-19T13:06:31Z")
sorry things are going so poorly. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/70 "2012-11-19T13:31:00Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I think it will take 8 to 10 months for this house to sell. I’m sorry, did I forget to mention mine will have taken 3.5 years, cost millions of dollars and lost countless lives. Amatuer. 😉 Ok only one of the above is true. I’ll let you guess which one. Final day December 11! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/71 "2012-11-19T13:40:12Z")
Get counselling. Might help. Nothing lost if it does not help. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/72 "2012-11-19T13:43:20Z")
Any house can sell immediately. It’s just a matter of price. A party can move out while waiting for the house to sell, but check with your lawyer first, for there can be issues arising out of such a move. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/73 "2012-11-19T14:04:25Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, it’s not getting any easier. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wish I could just go lay on a beach somewhere and forget about everything. It will get better, it’s just going to take some time. It’s really hard to accept all the time you put into the relationship for nothing. All the time wasted, back at zero, starting all over. It really sucks but it will get better. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Vita\_Beata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@Vita\_Beata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vita_Beata)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/74 "2012-11-19T18:12:20Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, it’s not getting any easier. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I wish I could just go lay on a beach somewhere and forget about everything. Hang in there, Leaffan. Long walks could be beneficial. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/75 "2012-11-19T19:46:20Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I can’t eat. I know exactly the feeling, man. Like you’re kinda sick to your stomach, but not really. Like if you did eat something, you’d probably just puke it up. Empty, but not hungry. Just nibble on something. Anything. This feeling will pass, but you still need energy, in the meantime, and I guarantee you having even small snacks will help. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/76 "2012-11-19T19:54:07Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > It will get better, it’s just going to take some time. It’s really hard to accept all the time you put into the relationship for nothing. All the time wasted, back at zero, starting all over. It really sucks but it will get better. > > Hang in there. It’s not zero, though - he’s got a ton of life experiences from his marriage, as well as his kids. Not all the experiences were good, I assume, but now he knows things he _doesn’t_ want as well as things he does. I agree with “hang in there,” though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/77 "2012-11-19T19:57:55Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > **It’s not zero, though - he’s got a ton of life experiences from his marriage, as well as his kids.** Not all the experiences were good, I assume, but now he knows things he _doesn’t_ want as well as things he does. > > I agree with “hang in there,” though. 🙂 I totally agree. But at first it feels like that. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/78 "2012-11-19T20:03:07Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Another person who wishes their parents had divorced checking in. And another. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/79 "2012-11-19T20:05:13Z")
When I get stressed/upset, I can’t eat. Then I feel worse because I haven’t been eating. A few tiny pieces of advice: get food in you. What I find goes down easily are smoothies and/or milkshakes. Not always healthy, but something’s better than nothing. If you’re a heavy consumer of caffeine, cut back. I was surprised how much it contributed to my anxiety. But mostly you’ll have to wait it out. Can you do some special things with your kids? Maybe a small trip next weekend to get ALL your minds off what’s happening? Hang in there, leaffan. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510/80 "2012-11-19T20:05:57Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > ..but now he knows things he _doesn’t_ want as well as things he does. You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-and-winding-divorce/639510.md?page=5)