# The long-term romantic relationship without marriage / kids

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-term-romantic-relationship-without-marriage-kids/993485>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 21, 2023, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-term-romantic-relationship-without-marriage-kids/993485 "2023-11-21T17:34:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [November 23, 2023, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-term-romantic-relationship-without-marriage-kids/993485/21 "2023-11-23T09:31:36Z")

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> [@doreen](#):
>
> It isn’t the biological window that matters so much in that case because it’s not really about kids- it’s about goals. My sister in-law had a long-term relationship, they lived together, even bought a co-op together. I was a bit worried and asked her early on if they had ever talked about whether he wanted kids and so on - she had a kid from a prior relationship but he didn’t. She started talking about how she could have another one but apparently never had any conversation with him about long-term plans. Fast forward 12 years- she finally decided to bring marriage up to only to find out that he didn’t want to get married ( at least not to her). She ended it - but I do not understand why she waited so long if it was a deal-breaker.

I think that’s a perfect example of what I’m thinking of. When you are younger, you may not even really know what your goals are. Or they might still be very abstract and far off in the future. Like I was open to eventually getting married and having kids someday, but certainly not in my early 20s. So unless you have two people who are very sure of their plans regarding marriage and/or kids I think it’s easy to settle into a sort of limbo relationship like your sister in-law. Like if she really wanted marriage, that conversation should have happened well before 12 years.

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**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\
**Post date:** [November 26, 2023, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-term-romantic-relationship-without-marriage-kids/993485/22 "2023-11-26T01:40:04Z")

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Some years ago, my partner and I crossed into the US from Canada with another couple. The customs officer asked “are you married?” and my partner said “Yes.” So did the guy in the other couple. Which was true in both cases. Except neither was married to their partner in the car. Then-partner and I now coming up on our 40th anniversary.

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**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\
**Post date:** [November 27, 2023, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-long-term-romantic-relationship-without-marriage-kids/993485/23 "2023-11-27T12:39:19Z")

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> [@Kropotkin](#):
>
> Except neither was married to their partner in the car.

The first time I vacationed in St Martin with my gf my divorce was still in process. I was having a Bloody Mary and an espresso one morning… The waitress asked if my wife would be joining me. I told her I hoped not, as my wife didn’t even know I’d left the US.

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