# The lovely Alexis Arquette: First openly trans reality TV star? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 22, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450 "2006-03-22T17:00:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/41 "2006-03-23T15:30:12Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > :eek: I always figured it was a bit crass – after all, it’s a car part. You don’t go around calling people “driveshafts” or “crankcases”\*. But an outright slur…I guess every group has to agree on at least one. > > \*As opposed to “crank cases,” who are all _over_ the damn place. You just reminded me of the DSL commercial, where people were using “modem” as an insult. “Moooommmm! Sally just called me a _modem!_” “I’m calling her mother!” ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/42 "2006-03-23T16:51:49Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > She can actually be pretty raunchy if I’m remembering some of her appearances correctly. And bitchy too! It seems like Flo is being set up to be the mother hen/ Judge Judy of the season. I would definitely consider Alexis to be a pre op transexual, even though she has not been altered by surgery yet. And yes I agree that it would be draining to live with her 24/7. I can’t wait to see the restaurant fight too! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/43 "2006-03-23T17:19:27Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > While we’re defining things (and I’m old enough not to know _what_ the hell I’m called this week), could we please cool it with “tranny?” It’s up there with “nigger” and “cunt” and is really _de trop_ in such polite company as the SDMB. (a-_hem_) Oh? How do you figure? ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/44 "2006-03-23T17:38:17Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Oh? How do you figure? Mutual respect. **Eve** asked very nicely, and I concur. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/45 "2006-03-23T17:42:05Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Oh? How do you figure? How does she figure what? That tr_nny is up there with n_gg_r and c_nt? Although that’s been my overwhelming experience, I have no idea what I would use as a cite. I don’t think Websters covers this. That tr\*nny is not appropriate for the SDMB? All hate speech is forbidden on the SDMB. the stunning sodomites of the Straight Dope (and their straight sidekicks) were told to stop using the word f_gg_t so much because other people might be hurt by it, or see it and think hate speech was acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/46 "2006-03-23T17:45:57Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > All hate speech is forbidden on the SDMB. the stunning sodomites of the Straight Dope (and their straight sidekicks) were told to stop using the word f_gg_t so much because other people might be hurt by it, or see it and think hate speech was acceptable. ergo “Gaylien” 😃 . Hugs from here Doc! ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/47 "2006-03-23T17:47:12Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > How does she figure what? > > That tr_nny is up there with n_gg_r and c_nt? > > Although that’s been my overwhelming experience, I have no idea what I would use as a cite. I don’t think Websters covers this. > > That tr\*nny is not appropriate for the SDMB? > > All hate speech is forbidden on the SDMB. the stunning sodomites of the Straight Dope (and their straight sidekicks) were told to stop using the word f_gg_t so much because other people might be hurt by it, or see it and think hate speech was acceptable. Do you believe my use of the word in this case falls under the heading of “hate speech”? Is it forbidden to ever use the word ‘faggot’ or ‘nigger’ in an ironic sense? Or is it just something we are not to do often? Of course I will defer to Eve and others who just don’t want to see it at all, but I am curious what the Official Word is now that you say there has been one. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/48 "2006-03-23T17:59:58Z")
> [@Ensign Edison](#): > > Do you believe my use of the word in this case falls under the heading of “hate speech”? Nah. > [@](#): > > Is it forbidden to ever use the word ‘faggot’ or ‘nigger’ in an ironic sense? Or is it just something we are not to do often? In general, these words should be used carefully. On the boards, there is an official policy, and the mods and admins decide the specifics. > [@](#): > > Of course I will defer to Eve and others who just don’t want to see it at all, It isn’t that I don’t want to see it at all. But, there is a real risk of people seeing it used, thinking it’s acceptable, and reusing it. An old friend might call me a kike, as a term of affection. What happens if their child overhears this and thinks that this is an acceptable synonym for Jew? What happens if a somebody reads tr\*nny here? > [@](#): > > but I am curious what the Official Word is now that you say there has been one. I am not a mod, nor an admin. I have no official standing. The official SDMB policy does include a ban on hatespeech. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/49 "2006-03-23T18:11:18Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > :eek: I always figured it was a bit crass – after all, it’s a car part. You don’t go around calling people “driveshafts” or “crankcases”\*. But an outright slur…I guess every group has to agree on at least one. Shut up, you fuel injection system! ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/50 "2006-03-23T18:35:44Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > How does she figure what? > > That tr_nny is up there with n_gg_r and c_nt? > > Although that’s been my overwhelming experience, I have no idea what I would use as a cite. I don’t think Websters covers this. > > That tr\*nny is not appropriate for the SDMB? > > All hate speech is forbidden on the SDMB. the stunning sodomites of the Straight Dope (and their straight sidekicks) were told to stop using the word f_gg_t so much because other people might be hurt by it, or see it and think hate speech was acceptable. Straight sidekick, is that the new term for a fag hag? Cause I wouldn’t mind being a stunning sodomite running around with a straight sidekick. We could have tshirts and everything SS and the SS’s…hmm ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/51 "2006-03-23T20:47:59Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > :eek: I always figured it was a bit crass – after all, it’s a car part. You don’t go around calling people “driveshafts” or “crankcases”\*. But an outright slur…I guess every group has to agree on at least one. > > \*As opposed to “crank cases,” who are all _over_ the damn place. And “pull up to my bumper, baby”! ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/52 "2006-03-23T21:00:36Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Shut up, you fuel injection system! Oh yeah? Well, get blown & injected, _and_ go throw a rod! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/53 "2006-03-23T21:37:50Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > you want [Pete Burns](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Burns). No you don’t. You really, really don’t. Damn, that man is scary. One of these days, his lips are going to explode. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/54 "2006-03-23T23:21:10Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > On the SDMB, I assume that any poster using the term is unaware of its conotation. Yeah, I hang out with a bunch of transsexuals and they use the term tranny all the time as shorthand. I know some who object to it because of its associations with transvestites, but I’ve never heard anyone who says it’s on the same level as niggar. I will try to avoid it, but I’m just so used to saying it because of chatting with them. :o As for Alexis Arquette… she’s hardly the representative I’d want. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/55 "2006-03-23T23:39:08Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > And “pull up to my bumper, baby”! Dude! I was just listening to Grace today! ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/56 "2006-03-23T23:47:26Z")
> [@kimera](#): > > As for Alexis Arquette… she’s hardly the representative I’d want. Yeah, but we didn’t elect her, you know? She’s just a person. Who has found her niche and is working it just as hard as she can, sure, but everybody needs a job. Her family is famous, so she’s famous whether she wants to be or not, especially as a transwoman. She chooses to be visible, and frankly that’s never bad, in my opinion. And she’s fierce; I don’t think it’s an act, and if it is an act and she does it all the time, is it an act? Whatever, you know, I just take people how they present themselves. It’s simpler. She might teach a few people something. She might make others think ‘Oh, that’s what they’re like’, sure. But it’s a mistake, I think, to try to win allies by being perfect and inoffensive. Queer people have a right to make drunken asses of themselves on cable TV too. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/57 "2006-03-23T23:49:28Z")
Just wanted to add, kimera, that I didn’t mean to suggest you were saying otherwise. Your post just made me think of my own inner debate about the subject. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/58 "2006-03-24T07:24:46Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > While we’re defining things, could we please cool it with “tranny?” It’s up there with “nigger” and “cunt” and is really _de trop_ in such polite company as the SDMB. I like cunt. It caused rabbit to be adopted as the English word for, well, a furry thing with big ears that tastes like chicken if you boil it long wnough and remove all the bones. And it caused earl to be used in our peerage instead of count. “Earl and Countess Spencer” - has a certain ring to it, you know. And, I just like cunt. Period. Perhaps, “full stop” would be more appropriate here. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/59 "2006-03-24T18:02:37Z")
First, Official Moderator Comment: In Cafe Society, we don’t prohibit the use of a word merely as a word, it depends entirely on context. “Mark Twain’s has Huck call Jim a ‘nigger’ to define Huck’s character.” is an appropriate use of a term which might otherwise be offensive. So, context is what determines hate speech, not just a word. We want polite discussion, but that doesn’t mean that we censor the use of words. We mean by “polite” that we do no insult each other, we do not mean that our language must be G-rated or Grandmother-approved. My personal feeling (not speaking as Moderator): A few words have a centuries-old history of being used in a derogatory way to de-humanize a group: nigger, kike, wop, and the like fall into that category. The question of when a term is so insulting as to be derogatory and excluded from polite conversation is not clear. Not all terms for a group of people are derogatory, and just because a word is abbreviated doesn’t mean it’s comparably insulting to “nigger.” Where do we draw the line? Limeys for Brits? Brits for UK-subjects? Yank for Yankees? Yankees for Americans? Americans for US-citizens-and-permanent residents? How about “geek” and “nerd”? In short, saying that a term is equivalent to “nigger” is like playing the Nazi-card: jumps to the extreme and tries to compare molehills to mountains. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450/60 "2006-03-24T18:37:11Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > We mean by “polite” that we do no insult each other, we do not mean that our language must be G-rated or Grandmother-approved. The asterisks are due to my stereotypical Jewish neuroses, not board policy. > [@](#): > > My personal feeling (not speaking as Moderator): A few words have a centuries-old history of being used in a derogatory way to de-humanize a group: nigger, kike, wop, and the like fall into that category. When was transsexualism first recognized? When did it enter the public consciousness? There aren’t centuries old derogatory terms for it, because it didn’t exist as a concept until the twentieth century. > [@](#): > > Not all terms for a group of people are derogatory, and just because a word is abbreviated doesn’t mean it’s comparably insulting to “nigger.” What about Paki? Or Heeb? It isn’t the abbreviation that makes tranny so hateful. It’s the history. Tranny is a word you yell while beating Gwen Arujo to death. Tranny (along with she male) is the word that the porn industry, and Jerry Springer, use to identify those sick freaks who are chicks with dicks and not deserving of human dignity. > [@](#): > > In short, saying that a term is equivalent to “nigger” is like playing the Nazi-card: jumps to the extreme and tries to compare molehills to mountains. Wrong. Tranny is a derogatory term used to express hatred, disgust, and superiority, often as a prelude to violence. Saying that tranny is equivalent to nigger is like saying kike or spic is equivalent to nigger. It is the truth. If a person uses the word without realizing its significance, then a gentle correction is called for. But to say maintain that the word is no big deal is an example of the very ignorance we are supposed to be fighting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lovely-alexis-arquette-first-openly-trans-reality-tv-star/349450.md?page=4)