# The Lumberjack Song! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 16, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459 "2002-10-16T04:26:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/41 "2002-10-18T18:33:37Z")
…I mean I’m fed up going abroad and being treated like a sheep, I mean what’s the point of being carted around in buses, surrounded by sweaty miners from Kettering and Boventry in their cloth caps and cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea, “Oh they don’t make it properly here do they not like at home” and stopping at Majorcan bodegas, selling fish and chips and Watney’s Red Barrel and calamaris and two veg’ and sitting in their cotton sun frocks squirting Timothy White suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh ‘cause they overdid it on the first day and being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellevueses and Bontinentals with their modern international luxury roomettes and their Watney’s Red Barrel and their swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending to be acrobats and forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging in the queues and if you’re not at your table spot on seven you miss your bowl of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of international cuisine, and every Thursday night there’s bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair all Brylcreemed down her big arse presenting Flamenco for foreigners and then some adenoidal typist from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhea and some hairy bandy-legged wop waiter called Manuel and then once a week there’s an excursion to the local Roman ruins where you can buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleedin’ Watney’s Red Barrel, and then one night they take you to a local restaurant with local color in every chair and they sit you next to a party of people from Rhyl who keeps singing “Torremolinos, Torremolinos” and complaining about the food, “Oh! It’s so greasy isn’t it?” and then you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic and Dr Scholls sandals and Tuesday’s Daily Express and he drones on and on and on about how Mr Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Powell can speak and then he throws up all over the Cuba Libras and sending tinted postcards of places they don’t know they haven’t even visited, to all at number 22, “Weather wonderful our room marked with an X”. Wish you were here… … and several butchers’ aprons… ---
**Author:** ![Magickly\_Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magickly\_Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magickly_Delicious)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2002, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/42 "2002-10-19T15:35:09Z")
Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Natch, natch, say no more, say no more. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/43 "2002-10-19T17:52:18Z")
…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy… ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2002, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/44 "2002-10-19T23:18:10Z")
I’d like to buy a cat. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2002, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/45 "2002-10-19T23:59:52Z")
Today’s lesson: How not to be killed. ---
**Author:** ![pluralgravity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@pluralgravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluralgravity)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/46 "2002-10-20T00:27:53Z")
My brain hurts… ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/47 "2002-10-20T05:46:05Z")
It’ll have to come out! Only bits of it… ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/48 "2002-10-20T06:01:28Z")
“Natch?” Is that a new spelling for “nudge?” Oh, oh… I think I saw a hedgehog… over there, behind that building… SPINY NORMAN! ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/49 "2002-10-20T08:15:34Z")
… yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ! ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/50 "2002-10-20T10:16:58Z")
The most interesting thing about King Charles I… ---
**Author:** ![BalmainBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@BalmainBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BalmainBoy)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/51 "2002-10-20T13:05:46Z")
Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/52 "2002-10-20T16:34:44Z")
‘First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.’ ---
**Author:** ![Minor\_Irritant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Minor\_Irritant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minor_Irritant)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2002, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/53 "2002-10-20T17:11:59Z")
You see, the Brontosaurus is thin at one end, much, much thicker in the middle, and then thin again at the other end. I have another theory… ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/54 "2002-10-21T04:47:52Z")
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/55 "2002-10-21T13:26:05Z")
That’s the machine that goes ‘ping’. \ You see? That means your baby is still alive! ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/56 "2002-10-21T13:34:47Z")
We are no longer the Knights who say ‘Ni’. We are now the knights who say ‘ecky ecky ecky ptang zwoop boing’! ---
**Author:** ![Hattrick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/34f0e0/32.png) [@Hattrick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hattrick)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/57 "2002-10-21T14:11:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marlitharn \* > \*\*The most interesting thing about King Charles I… \*\* is that he was 5 foot 6 inches tall at the start of his reign, but only 4 foot 8 at the end of it…becasue of… Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector of England !! ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/58 "2002-10-21T14:17:37Z")
No time to lose! ---
**Author:** ![Ich\_Bin\_s](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Ich\_Bin\_s](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ich_Bin_s)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/59 "2002-10-21T14:35:30Z")
Well? Well what? That was never five minutes just now? I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you PAY! ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2002, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459/60 "2002-10-21T15:06:13Z")
I’d like to buy a license for my pet fish, Eric. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-lumberjack-song/132459.md?page=4)