# The Male Inequality Problem **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 27, 2025, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440 "2025-09-27T21:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 43
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/841 "2026-06-14T08:42:20Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > More, I think, because male socialization traditionally tended to make a lot of men more selective about what part of the _“bunch a shit that needs to get done”_ counted as their responsibility. > > As in, if a man had got home from work and done the lawn-mowing and dishwasher-emptying or whatever that he routinely expected to do, then he tended to move on to the mindset of _“now I’ve earned a little me-time for a video game or whatever”_. > > And if one of the kids was sick, or there was a trip coming up that needed preparing for, or any other extra domestic burden, the response tended to be less _“oops here’s some more shit that needs to get done, better put the me-time on hold”_ and more _“well but I’ve done my bunch a shit, I’ve earned that me-time”_. > > Not “laziness” or “buffoonery” really, more like “contractual” vs. “needs-based” task assessment. Extra burdens that he didn’t already recognize as part of his expected responsibility were assumed by default to be part of her responsibility. (With exceptions for immediate “man-of-the-house”-type emergencies, like needing to remove a snake from the kitchen or put out something on fire.) > > I think men nowadays are substantially more aware of “needs-based” task assessment on the home front than they used to be. For reference, I will link to: [America Ferrara’s monologue from Barbie.](https://www.elle.com/culture/movies-tv/a44640422/america-ferrera-full-barbie-monologue/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=mgu_ga_elm_md_pmx_prog_org_us_17925201838&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17923888557&gbraid=0AAAAADCsZxfhNUeYA7cKRSJKmxaADIJGe&gclid=Cj0KCQjwornRBhCrARIsAON5exEn2VNhyTV4VUEiouFmIj25rBaCR_7QsUPFZsREpT2tjSHLWEbRkH0aAlqcEALw_wcB) as well as the [“Cool Girl” speech from Gone Girl](https://popculturereferences.com/gone-girls-cool-girl-speech-remains-one-of-the-more-open-ended-cool-movie-quotes/) (which the author of the linked article completely misinterprets IMHO) [This videoclip comparing a man and a woman making adult friends also really speaks to me.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwS0u6VJ15U) Or even my own wife’s anxious and compulsive behavior (which I can’t really link to obviously). Now we can debate the causes and extent of this sort of thinking, but I do think there is enough cultural and IRL observed examples to describe a pattern where women tend to overthink, over analyze, and obsess that everything has to be “perfect” or they aren’t doing enough. It’s not that the men push the unexpected tasks to the woman. It’s just that we don’t have that same sense of urgency that it’s something that has to get done RIGHT NOW to stave off catastrophe. So where the woman experiences feelings that there is SO MUCH TO DO WHY IS HE JUST WATCHING TV?! we experience feelings of “I’m home from a hard day at work, kids are finishing up their homework, I don’t have to mow the lawn until tomorrow, why is she nagging me about whatever bullshit is running through her mind?” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/842 "2026-06-14T10:22:22Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Now we can debate the causes and extent of this sort of thinking, but I do think there is enough cultural and IRL observed examples to describe a pattern where women tend to overthink, over analyze, and obsess that everything has to be “perfect” or they aren’t doing enough. > > It’s not that the men push the unexpected tasks to the woman. It’s just that we don’t have that same sense of urgency that it’s something that has to get done RIGHT NOW to stave off catastrophe. Also, there _was_ at one point a general push for men to do more housework and such, but it foundered due to the problem that women just got angry about the men “not doing it right” and then re-did the task themselves. Probably an example of the “everything has to be perfect” issue you mention. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2026, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/843 "2026-06-14T16:21:38Z")
A LOT of this is you pushing your wife’s individual problems onto generalized womanhood. Which is certainly understandable, but still inaccurate. My GF is vastly better about all that obsessive crap. Like just doesn’t do it at all. Both my late and ex- wives were the same. No nuttiness, no obsession, just calm competence. And in the ex’s case, not enough willingness to share changing in service of the combined effort. But at the same time, when somebody calls GF with a problem, she pauses everything on _her_ agenda to fix _their_ problem. Because she is the fixer and they all (friends and family) know they have an inexhaustible resource of free assistance available for the asking. That’s a hard habit to break, but we’re working on it together. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/844 "2026-06-15T13:29:05Z")
The discussion about how men are depicted in fiction got me thinking about how women are often depicted as objects to be won or obstacles to overcome by male characters. Alice Kramden had to be the adult in the room to counter the antics of her husband Ralph. Even in dramas, male characters often draw the ire of their significant others even when there’s a serious situation she’s fully aware of. a few years back, I was genuinely surprised at Disney’s Hawkeye series. Clint gets embroiled in a plot which threatens to take him away from his family during the holidays. Does his wife complain? Yes. But she complains about a situation that sucks for both of them while simultaneously supporting Clint. She’s a source of comfort rather than being an obstacle. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/845 "2026-06-15T14:46:37Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > The discussion about how men are depicted in fiction got me thinking about how women are often depicted as objects to be won or obstacles to overcome by male characters. Or worse. See: fridging. > **[Women in refrigerators](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_refrigerators)** > > "Women in refrigerators" is a term coined by Gail Simone in 1999 to describe a literary trope which involves female characters facing disproportionate harm, such as death, maiming, or assault, to serve as plot devices to motivate male characters, an event colloquially known as "fridging". Simone's original list of over 100 affected female characters, published on the "Women in Refrigerators" website, sparked discussions on sexism in pop culture and the comic-book industry. The trope's influence... ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/846 "2026-06-15T18:54:36Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > The 90s taught me as a little girl that women can do it all, but as a professional woman and a Mom, I have found the reality of “doing it all” is often you just feel like you’re falling short at everything. I’ve heard for years that it’s important for our culture to have strong female role models to inspire girls to grow up believing in themselves. Now it sounds like you’re saying that they create unrealistic expectations. Where’s the perfect balance? It sometimes seems to me that when women face a reality that doesn’t live up to their expectations, we’re meant to respond with sympathy. When men’s lives fall short of what our culture led them to expect, the response is more like “boo hoo, cry me a river”. > [@Odesio](#): > > The discussion about how men are depicted in fiction got me thinking about how women are often depicted as objects to be won or obstacles to overcome by male characters. What about male characters who aren’t the protagonists of their particular stories? Think of all the redshirts on _Star Trek_. They didn’t have a choice to beam down and start scouting the area, no back story, they’re lucky to even have a name. Their deaths serve only to demonstrate the danger that the important characters are facing. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/847 "2026-06-15T19:11:59Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It’s not that the men push the unexpected tasks to the woman. It’s just that we don’t have that same sense of urgency that it’s something that has to get done RIGHT NOW to stave off catastrophe. So where the woman experiences feelings that there is SO MUCH TO DO WHY IS HE JUST WATCHING TV?! we experience feelings of “I’m home from a hard day at work, kids are finishing up their homework, I don’t have to mow the lawn until tomorrow, why is she nagging me about whatever bullshit is running through her mind?” Heh. I see it both ways. On one hand, I fully admit that I worry a lot more than my husband does, and I think you’re right, it’s cultural and it’s ALSO that as a gender we talk to each other and get ourselves hyped up over things. Some of these worries are valid, some are not. I think it is valid (though opinions may vary) to realize that our yard is a mess and the kiddo has a bunch of friends coming over this afternoon and this is the first time some of these parents have seen the house and we actually care about her integrating into this group and the parents liking us and so someone needs to get out there and at least weed a bit. Worrying about the kids’ birthday parties and whether we had a good enough cake and appropriate party favors… invalid. Kiddo’s last birthday we took the kids out to ice cream, no cake at all, and that was the “favor” and everyone loved it, it was totally fine. On the other hand: sometimes I leave something to my husband and because he doesn’t have that sense of urgency it Does Not Get Done in a reasonable timeframe unless I nag. We went without a dishwasher for a YEAR AND A HALF because he was in charge of buying a new dishwasher. Finally I told him he was in charge of all the dishwashing until we got a new dishwasher. Funny thing, the new dishwasher happened pretty soon after that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/848 "2026-06-15T19:26:03Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Also, there _was_ at one point a general push for men to do more housework and such, but it foundered due to the problem that women just got angry about the men “not doing it right” and then re-did the task themselves. The men, simply, should have done a better job. ---
**Author:** ![SunUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SunUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunUp)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/849 "2026-06-15T19:46:13Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > The men, simply, should have done a better job. And if that was an issue due to inexperience or differing standards, talked with the women about how they wanted it done, and how to do it better. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/850 "2026-06-15T20:31:56Z")
Or discussed the differences in what each considered done right and maybe y’know compromised some? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/851 "2026-06-15T21:14:06Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > The men, simply, should have done a better job. What makes you assume they did a bad one? Outside of “they are men, and therefore _born_ to be at fault for everything wrong in the universe”. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/852 "2026-06-15T21:20:15Z")
Because the other people in their life said they did a bad job. Is this a trick question? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/853 "2026-06-15T21:23:10Z")
A while back, my wife made the mistake of thanking me for cleaning the house. I said, you’re welcome, but I didn’t clean it for you - I live here too, and I want the house to be clean. Cleaning is my responsibility. We share the housework pretty evenly. I clean, she does most of the shopping, she cooks, I do the dishes, I do the laundry, she folds the laundry, I clean the kitty litter, she handles bureaucracy… it all more or less works out evenly. We’re a team, and nobody can to accuse either of us of not pulling our weight. To act otherwise would be illogical. And if we don’t agree on something, we discuss it, and make adjustments. That’s what teams do. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/854 "2026-06-15T21:35:49Z")
> [@Johanna](#): > > It’s _¿por qué no los dos?\*_ > > \*and why are we supposed to say it in Spanish? [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqgSO8_cRio/hqdefault.jpg "Old El Paso Hard and Soft Tacos - Little Girl") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqgSO8_cRio) > [@carrps](#): > > In case you really don’t know, it was a Spanish language commercial, I think, for tortillas – soft vs. hard. Yep ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/855 "2026-06-15T21:41:37Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > What makes you assume they did a bad one? > > Outside of “they are men, and therefore _born_ to be at fault for everything wrong in the universe”. Are you referencing a research study or is this just some story? ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/856 "2026-06-15T21:55:19Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > That’s what teams do. Yup. It isn’t her way or my way. Okay, usually her way. Only because she cares more about it. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/857 "2026-06-15T21:59:03Z")
Whoops, that was a very old post I responded to in error ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/858 "2026-06-15T22:02:17Z")
> [@TroutMan](#): > > Are you referencing a research study or is this just some story? Neither, I’m replying to a poster. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/859 "2026-06-15T22:44:07Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I’ve heard for years that it’s important for our culture to have strong female role models to inspire girls to grow up believing in themselves. Now it sounds like you’re saying that they create unrealistic expectations. Where’s the perfect balance? Here’s a nasty little truth. There’s no perfect balance. Cultures are ever evolving and so long as we continue changing whatever is perfect will change with it. This is more of a process rather than a one and done solution. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > What about male characters who aren’t the protagonists of their particular stories? Think of all the redshirts on _Star Trek_. They didn’t have a choice to beam down and start scouting the area, no back story, they’re lucky to even have a name. Their deaths serve only to demonstrate the danger that the important characters are facing. I’m not the one who brought up fridging. But men are often seen as more disposable, so it’s acceptable for fictional men to die in droves. Fair or not, violence against men is seen in a different light. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440/860 "2026-06-15T22:52:28Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Neither, I’m replying to a poster. You originally posted the following: > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Also, there _was_ at one point a general push for men to do more housework and such, but it foundered due to the problem that women just got angry about the men “not doing it right” and then re-did the task themselves. Probably an example of the “everything has to be perfect” issue you mention. Can you provide the source for your statement that there was a push and that it failed because women got mad? I’m curious if this is a documented phenomenon or more of a personal observation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440.md?page=42) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-male-inequality-problem/1023440.md?page=44)