# The "man gets woman, man loses woman, man gets woman again" romantic trope/formula **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 17, 2015, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261 "2015-05-17T20:02:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Randolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Randolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randolph)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/21 "2015-05-18T16:18:16Z")
> [@Push\_You\_Down](#): > > What’s that saying? > There’s two stories: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back…or he doesn’t. Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl. ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/22 "2015-05-18T16:36:24Z")
Since love stories tend to not have a lot of Kung-Fu, car chases, or explosions (with some exceptions; see _Kung Fu Hustle_ for one example), it adds an element of tension and drama that makes their inevitable reunion that much more satisfying. Oh look, she almost got on a plane and moved to Alaska without realizing that _he_ was her true love all along! \*The Breakup \*Sad and Alone: Cue shots of the protangonist doing alone things, seeing other happy couples and feeling sad, looking at their phone or photos of the other person, etc. Douse liberally with sad music \*The Reveal: Parent/friend/wise old person resolves the misunderstanding/reveals how much the other REALLY liked the protangonist/tells the protangonist “No, it was really MY dildo” \*The Desperate Race: The protangonist MUST catch the other person before they get on the plane/get married to someone else/have sex change surgery,etc. Failure means they are lost forever. Always aided by parent/friend/wise old person from the previous step, although it’s very important that The Approach be the protangonist alone. This allows a minor side of Heroic Sacrifice by the parent/friend/wise old person “I can’t make it…Don’t worry about me, you go get her/him/it/them”. Of course the Heroic Sacrifice is optional, but when it is used, the parent/friend/wise old person is always okay by the end credits. \*The Approach: Shots of the protangonist crashing the wedding/boarding the plane/seeing his/her/its car at a rest stop. There’s usually one final barrier such as the about-to-be-jilted ex, airport security, etc, which can be resolved with either The Heroic Sacrifice, or the rest of the passengers/cops/audience recognizing that True Love is at hand and all pitching in to help. \*The Reunion: Together at last! Flowers and rainbows and puppies! They’ll be happy for the REST OF THEIR LIVES because they have TRUE LOVE. \*End Credits. I’d prefer you leave my name off the credits please, and pay me in cash. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/23 "2015-05-18T17:01:07Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > Fundamentally, it’s just wish fulfillment for women. > > 1. It’s not her fault she broke up > 2. Not only is it his fault, but he’ll realize that and change his ways. > 3. She’ll be pursued, saving her the effort and risk of looking for a new partner > > Point 1 might be replaced by “It’s not her fault they never got together in the first place” for romantic comedies based on childhood friends who finally realize they’re in love. _When Harry Met Sally_ is such a gold standard by having both versions of #1. I think there’s some wish fulfillment for men in there as well. Most of us would like to believe that if we did screw things up with the woman we love, that we would have a chance to fix it. > [@outlierrn](#): > > Although, personally, I’m partial to the boy meets girl under a silvery moon, which then explodes for no adequately explored reason variety, but that’s just me. They don’t call me the outlier for nothing. I take it you’re also the type who occasionally spends a year dead for tax reasons? (This thread made me think of the exact same thing). ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/24 "2015-05-18T17:34:57Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > That’s interesting. Perhaps some women prefer a flawed partner who has to fix his flaws, and does, rather than have a non-flawed partner who doesn’t need self-improvement. Well, in general people prefer stories in which the characters has flaws and overcomes them. That’s what character development is all about. Characters who don’t need self-improvement are boring. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/25 "2015-05-18T17:41:38Z")
> [@Rysto](#): > > Well, in general people prefer stories in which the characters has flaws and overcomes them. That’s what character development is all about. Characters who don’t need self-improvement are boring. And just because something is in a movie and people like the movie or find aspects of it appealing, that does not mean people want to live like the people in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/26 "2015-05-18T18:15:33Z")
> [@Rysto](#): > > Well, in general people prefer stories in which the characters has flaws and overcomes them. That’s what character development is all about. Characters who don’t need self-improvement are boring. Sometimes, but not universally. People like stories in which the characters overcome obstacles, but those obstacles don’t always have to be internal to the characters. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/27 "2015-05-18T18:22:49Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > That’s interesting. Perhaps some women prefer a flawed partner who has to fix his flaws, and does, rather than have a non-flawed partner who doesn’t need self-improvement. Well… I think it’s more that flaws are just a part of dealing with other people. A story without some kind of flaw would be pretty boring and not very plausible. But in terms of the wish fulfillment department… notice how few romantic comedies involve the woman realizing that she was acting like a total bitch, then changing her ways and making amends. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/28 "2015-05-18T19:16:02Z")
If it didn’t happen that way, the “we’re miserable apart montage” wouldn’t make sense. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2015, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261/29 "2015-05-18T19:38:08Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > That’s interesting. Perhaps some women prefer a flawed partner who has to fix his flaws, and does, rather than have a\*\* non-flawed partner who doesn’t need self-improvement.\*\* I’m taken, so that’s out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-man-gets-woman-man-loses-woman-man-gets-woman-again-romantic-trope-formula/720261.md?page=1)