# The marble Angel in my backyard has four testicles **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 10, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988 "2001-07-10T20:51:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/1 "2001-07-10T20:51:32Z")
My dad made me notice this yesterday. Why he was staring at this statue’s manly parts is beyond me. My mother claims that they’re grapes. My dad took that as an insult. But truly, he does seem to have four testicles. (the angel, not my dad) And I take the confused look on his face to be proof of that fact. ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/2 "2001-07-10T21:11:08Z")
**Mnementh, always guarding his mistress’ side, offers to advances toward the statue, preparing to smash that which offends his charge.** ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/3 "2001-07-10T21:27:45Z")
So that’s where they ended up. Listen, I really need them. Could you please send them to me FedEx? I’ll reimburse you for the shipping costs. One more thing … Please, please, PLEASE mark the box “Fragile” Thanks, Sua P.S. **Mnementh** , STAY AWAY from them! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/4 "2001-07-10T22:16:22Z")
Okay, I’m going to be **MsObviousComment** for a moment here - post a picture, I have to see this. Are you sure it’s an angel and not a cherub? Most of the angels statues I have seen are a fully-clothed adult. Cherubs are usually nekkid little boys. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/5 "2001-07-10T22:32:23Z")
Well, if it’s a marble angel, then technically, they’re not testicles, they’re aggies. Or even more accurately, shooters ( [http://glassmarbles.com/book.htm](http://glassmarbles.com/book.htm) ). ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/6 "2001-07-11T00:01:25Z")
This is all very complicated. Thanks Mnementh for your assistance. My dad pointed out that my other garden angel has a missing arm… and explained that it was because he tried to check to see if the 4 testicles of the other one were fakes… It’s actually very troubling. Sua, if they’re yours, they’re aweful small. 😃 I’ll try to see if I can borrow a digital camera and snap a few pictures. I’m now officially haunted by quadrotesticular winged pre-pubescent cherub-type-winged things in my backyard. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/7 "2001-07-11T00:06:49Z")
Maybe they’re Frog Balls. After all, it _is_ Frog Ball Day. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/8 "2001-07-11T00:09:35Z")
Ginger, you’re scaring me. Stop it. I’m gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life. I just realized said angel is also dickless. Four testicles, but dickless. Who was the _sick_ guy who came up with that? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/9 "2001-07-11T00:11:02Z")
I was just about to post something about that **Ginger**. It’s a [Frog Ball Day](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77221&pagenumber=1) Miracle! Soon, men from all over will make the pilgramage to your garden angel to worship the testicles! BTW - as for the grape theory, I’ll just say that I’m no angel or cherub, but even if I was I doubt I would store foodstuffs by my nads. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/10 "2001-07-11T00:11:08Z")
are you sure the angel wasn’t accosted by the (teasing) iron funiture? perhaps just swelling from a bruise? on a some what serious suggestion, could they be curlicues from the hand of a challenged sculptor? ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/11 "2001-07-11T00:18:20Z")
Hmm… now there’s an idea. Maybe I can start a sideshow. “Ladies and gentlemen… to your left… the world famous quadritesticular dickless stone angel… to your right, the famous one-armed marble angel who laughed at him…” What should I charge as an entrace fee? Should I commission an artist to make my poor dickless (but four-balled) angel a new… member? If so, would gawd (!) be offended? And should I care? As for storing foodstuffs next to one’s nads - speaking as someone who doesn’t have nads - I’d be really concerned about my resident backyard squirrel and its tendency to gnaw at anything at its nose-height. Not to mention that I’ve caught one of my dogs baptizing said angel in his early morning urinal-confessions… Elly ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/12 "2001-07-11T00:27:34Z")
Well I was having feelings of inadequacy until you mentioned the angel’s lack of manhood…now I feel much better…two plus one is better then four sometimes 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/13 "2001-07-11T12:37:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\ ***Mnementh, always guarding his mistress’ side, offers to advances toward the statue, preparing to smash that which offends his charge.** \*\* Mnementh, no smashing _anything_ untill I get Elenfair wrapped in bubble wrap. (Just doin’ mah job, Ma’am. Cain’t be too carefull.) -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/14 "2001-07-11T14:02:07Z")
Thank you, Rue. Just make sure I can breathe under there, ok? And I may well ask for extra foam padding, because with my luck, I’m going to choke on the bubble wrap… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/15 "2001-07-12T01:39:27Z")
What, I’m the only one who has ever heard of **Quadrotesticulitis**??? Where the hell do you people spend your spare time? THE INTERNET? Try reading the American Journal of Genitalia once in a while, for god’s sake. Learn a little. I swear to god… :rolleyes: 😃 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/16 "2001-07-12T07:11:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > \*\*Hmm… now there’s an idea. Maybe I can start a sideshow. > > “Ladies and gentlemen… to your left… the world famous quadritesticular dickless stone angel… to your right, the famous one-armed marble angel who laughed at him…” > > What should I charge as an entrace fee? > Elly \*\* Four bits. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/17 "2001-07-12T11:15:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > I just realized said angel is also dickless. Four testicles, but dickless. Who was the _sick_ guy who came up with that? \*\* You looked close enough to see he had four testicles but didn’t notice his lack of pee-pee? ---
**Author:** ![Pnuk\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Pnuk\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pnuk_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/18 "2001-07-12T12:42:01Z")
A statue near me has 3 testicles. I don’t know what it’s called but we’ve dubbed him **Tri-Nads**. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/19 "2001-07-12T12:53:10Z")
Well, in my defence, I thought his lack of penis was due to careful placement of a vine leaf… but when I did check, it was mysteriously absent (the dick, not the leaf) As for charging four bits, that sounds like a plan… I’m still very traumatized by all this - my mother still claims they are grapes, and my dad is getting all worried about what she thinks of _him_. He claims now to have an inferiority complex because of my quadrotesticular angel. I may want to publish my finding in Nature, and in the Canadian Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. Yeah. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988/20 "2001-07-12T12:54:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Elenfair \* > **Just make sure I can breathe under there, ok? And I may well ask for extra foam padding, because with my luck, I’m going to choke on the bubble wrap…** Bubble wrap and a snorkle. Check. And you don’t need any foam padding. You are already the feminine ideal. -Rue. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-marble-angel-in-my-backyard-has-four-testicles/71988.md?page=2)