# The Masturbation Diet! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003 "2001-10-02T17:37:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/1 "2001-10-02T17:37:13Z")
FINALLY! Some news you can use, ladies. I don’t have a tangible cite, as I just heard this on radio news, but Dr. \_\_\_\_\_ Fumoto of Tokyo has released a study claiming that women who masturbate can lose up to 100 calories per ever 10 minutes of tappin’ the can! Women with low blood pressure (like me) are advised to go slowly and take breaks between sessions. Dr. Fumoto claims it doesn’t work as well for men because they don’t last as long. Life’s rough boys. Looks like I’ll be rather svelte by the end of the week. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/2 "2001-10-02T17:45:59Z")
Are you going to put out a workout video? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/3 "2001-10-02T17:50:57Z")
Cites you want 'em? Cites we got 'em: [A diddle a day takes gals’ diet pains away](http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0109/010909diet.html) (That is possibly the worst headline I’ve ever read) ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/4 "2001-10-02T17:58:13Z")
ELLEN! Your sig! It’s funny because it’s true! jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/5 "2001-10-02T18:00:57Z")
This doesn’t work. Trust me. 😃 I would have a negative weight by now if it did. Also, mistrust diet plans that call for you to insert Q-tips and vaccuum cleaners into your chacha. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/6 "2001-10-02T18:18:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > \*\*Also, mistrust diet plans that call for you to insert Q-tips and vaccuum cleaners into your chacha. \*\* However, if you come across any that suggest putting _ME_ in there, follow that diet! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/7 "2001-10-02T18:33:12Z")
Well, it’s certainly better than bulimia. The only risk is carpal tunnel syndrome. And…no more expensive health club memberships or over priced home workout equipment. ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/8 "2001-10-02T18:39:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > **Well, it’s certainly better than bulimia. The only risk is carpal tunnel syndrome.** So that’s my problem… Hmmm. And I thought I was just gonna get a forearm of steel. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/9 "2001-10-02T18:41:43Z")
Well, another hour, another 600 calories… Say, is it the arm/hand action that burns the calories, or the fact that all that other stuff is going on? Because if it’s the latter, perhaps some volunteers are in order to get your hours of exercise per day up… ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/10 "2001-10-02T18:51:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **Dr. Fumoto claims it doesn’t work as well for men because they don’t last as long.** But we like to watch. That’s gotta be good for a few calories due to increased heart rate, perspiration, heavy breathing, the likes. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/11 "2001-10-02T19:02:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pcubed \* > \*\* But we like to watch. \*\* Hey, so do some of us. I recently got an email from a gentleman alluding to him touching himself, and just the thought of it made me go burn a few calories. Must explain where those 5 pounds went. 'Scuse me, I’ll be right back. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/12 "2001-10-02T19:09:56Z")
I was going to exclaim, “Hey! You should put a TMI warning on a thread like this!” then I realized that the word ‘masturbation’ is right in the title. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/13 "2001-10-02T19:15:17Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Rysdad_: > no more … over priced home workout equipment. Exactly how are you defining “home workout equipment”, in this context? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/14 "2001-10-02T21:03:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Beadalin \* > **Exactly how are you defining “home workout equipment”, in this context?** Why buy a $100 Suzanne Somers Thighmaster when a cheap feather duster will do? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/15 "2001-10-02T21:47:26Z")
> [@](#): > > I recently got an email from a gentleman alluding to him touching himself, and just the thought of it made me go burn a few calories. Shit! _You_ got that from me, _too?_ How the hell did that happen? It was meant for, … well, never mind _who_ it was meant for. Gawd, I hope my mother wasn’t on that distribution list as well. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/16 "2001-10-02T22:08:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBeer \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > I recently got an email from a gentleman alluding to him touching himself, and just the thought of it made me go burn a few calories. > > Shit! _You_ got that from me, _too?_ How the hell did that happen? It was meant for, … well, never mind _who_ it was meant for. Gawd, I hope my mother wasn’t on that distribution list as well. \*\* Well, I wasn’t gonna tell anybody it was _you_, but since you went ahead and admitted it…how come you never wrote back, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/17 "2001-10-02T22:30:29Z")
If this diet worked I would weight about 50 lbs ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/18 "2001-10-02T23:53:17Z")
Hm. Hm, hm, hm. Hm. Perhaps I shall try this. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/19 "2001-10-03T00:30:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > Looks like I’ll be rather svelte by the end of the week. > > jarbaby \*\* Can I watch? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003/20 "2001-10-03T01:40:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Ellen \*\* > Cites you want 'em? Cites we got 'em: [A diddle a day takes gals’ diet pains away](http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0109/010909diet.html) Having met you, **Ellen** , I gotta tell you that seeing _you_ post that cite really surprised me. It’s a good thing. I’m seeing you in a whole new light. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-masturbation-diet/85003.md?page=2)