# The Match.com drinking game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2006, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620 "2006-04-28T17:04:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/1 "2006-04-28T17:04:08Z")
After scannign through page after page after page of women seeking me profiles on [match.com](http://match.com), most of the ads start to look alike. It’s the rare ad that’s honest, avoids cliches and checklists, and gets you thinking about more than just the pretty photo. On that note, I decided to start the [Match.com](http://Match.com) drinking game. The rules are simple: the higher the number of points, the worse the profile - and therefore, the better he or she looks. Let’s start! **Profile photographs** WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder: 2 points WSM arm-in-arm with ex-boyfriend or ex-husband: 5 points WSM flanked by hunks: 5 points WSM claiming an average build with nothing but “fat girl angle shots” and other images that hide her body: 2 points for each photo if there’s no clear full body shot in the group WSM claiming an average build with photos showing she’s clearly overweight: 5 points WSM with a large group of her friends, many meeting her description: 2 points WSM with a Glamour Shot: 2 points WSM with a Glamour Shot featuring a cowboy hat: 5 points WSM posed with a baby, and she has no children: 2 points for first photo, 3 for second, 4 for third, and so on WSM with one cat: 2 points for first photo, 3 for second, 4 for third, and so on. WSM with two or more cats: 5 points MSW posed next to his car or house: 2 points MSW posed next to his boat: 5 point MSW shirtless: 5 points MSW with “e-donis” angle shot: 2 points for each photo if there’s no clear full body shot in the group MSW doing something outdoorsy or sporty: 2 points MSW doing something X-TREEM!!!1!!: 5 points MSW next to a freshly shot deer: 10 points MSW with guns: 15 points MSW with his dog: 2 points MSW with an aggressive breed dog: 5 points Profilee of either sex with a very distant shot, almost like a dot on the horizon: 5 points Profilee of either sex with a photo from the 1980s: 5 points **Profile cliches** I’ve never done this before.": 1 point WSM “I love to laugh!”: 2 points WSM “I love life!”: 2 points WSM “I love to have fun!”: 2 points [Activity or trait] / [opposite of activity or trait] (“I enjoy going out for a night on the town as well as a cozy night at home.”, “I enjoy eating a fine dinner out as well as wings at a neighborhood dive bar.”, “I’m equally comfortable in a nightgown as well as jeans and a t-shirt.”, etc): 2 points for first occurrence, 3 points for second, 4 points for third, and so on. Game-playing reference (“I don’t play games”, “No game-playing”, “He shouldn’t play games.”): 2 points WSM “I work hard and play hard.”: 4 points WSM “Can you keep up?”: 4 points WSM “I’m busy/driven/involved in my career, and have very little time to date.”; 5 points WSM “friends first.”: 5 points WSM with any reference to a Dan Brown book: 1 point WSM “My kids come first.”: 3 points WSM “I have (x) children and they’re a package deal.”: 2 points for each child WSM “He must be at least [height, usually 6’ or more] tall, because I like to wear high heels.”: 5 points Obvious fundamentalist/evangelical Christian references: 5 points for the first occurrence, 2 for each additional reference. WSM medieval romantic imagery (“Princess seeking her prince,” “Looking for a knight in shining armor,” etc.): 5 points each WSM traditional romantic imagery (moonlit walks, candlelit dinners, strolling in the aprk, etc.): 2 points each WSM Afrocentric references (“Ebony queen seeking her Nubian prince,” “Strong black women looking to keep it real with a solid black man,” etc): 5 points each, 10 points if she adds “No white men.” WSM BBW pride or slight hostility: (“There’s more of me to love”, “I’m a REAL woman, unlike those other Barbie dolls,” “I want to be appreciated for what’s inside,” etc): 5 points The following score no points on their own, but two points each if two appear in the same profile, with three points for the third occurrence, four for the fourth, and so on. “I’m a simple girl.” “No druggies or alcoholics.” “Must have a job and a car.” Any reference to NASCAR Any reference to country music Any reference to Wal-Mart Any reference to trucks Any reference to Harley-Davidson Any patriotic or military reference Any reference to “country life” ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/2 "2006-04-28T17:18:25Z")
You missed my favourites: “Live life to the fullest!” - 5 points. Photos of pet(s) alone - 3 points. That last always irritated me the most… \/\/\/\ Jeesus! It’s enough to make you flinch back in horror sometimes. I’m not looking to date your dog! Moron…\ ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/3 "2006-04-28T17:23:16Z")
Someone should set up a really unique, weird profile just to see if the responses differ. I wonder if they’d get more replies than a generic. “I’m a believer in the one true faith, which is something I invented myself out of a combination of hinduism, new age and roman catholicism. My goals involve getting off of welfare and finding a job where I can yell at people. Hobbies include staring out the window and wondering why God didn’t give me a soul like everyone else, leprosy, ping pong and trying to build a bridge to the 21st century. interested gents should send a pay stub and a photograph of themselves holding said pay stub.” ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/4 "2006-04-28T17:39:28Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > **Profile photographs** > > WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder: 2 points > > WSM arm-in-arm with ex-boyfriend or ex-husband: 5 points > > WSM flanked by hunks: 5 points These should apply equally to the men, by the way, because I’ve seen enough of them. My favorites include a cropped wedding pic of a now-divorced guy with the leading edge of the ex-wife’s cheek close to his face (like they’d tilted their heads cloose together for the shot), and a competitive ballroom dancer apparently unable to appear in a photo without one of his dance partners. By the way, you assigned points but didn’t mention how many points per drink (a drink per point would likely have you under the table after three profiles 😉 ). ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/5 "2006-04-28T18:19:39Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > Someone should set up a really unique, weird profile just to see if the responses differ. I wonder if they’d get more replies than a generic. My experience is from a gay site, but there the answer is “virtually no difference”. No text, long texts, bitter texts, happy texts - all the same. The only time I noticed a difference was during the brief period when my entire text was “Women are evil, men are idiots”. Only men complained. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/6 "2006-04-28T18:37:45Z")
The following was my profile on Match when I was last an active member (6 months ago) and really fed up with the entire online dating thing as well as the painfully unoriginal profiles: > [@](#): > > About Me: Standard Greeting. \* . Failed attempt at modesty regarding writing own profile. \* . Trite observation about online dating. \* . Unverifiable testimonials from family, friends and/or pet. \* . Litany of self complimentary personality traits. \* . Required standard mild self deprecating quip. \* . List of talents, hobbies and xtreme sports (real or imagined ). \* . Second, still mild, self deprecating quip. \* . Mandatory declaration of love for travel to exotic locals. \* . Unwavering support for favorite sport team(s). \* . Pre-requisite rhetoric about “living every day to the fullest!” \* . Spurious claim of sorted priorities (i.e. balancing work and play). \* . Disingenuous claim about not “needing” but “wanting” a soulmate. \* . Pointless discourse on maintaining independence/friendships and need to still have boys/girls night out. \* . Poorly disguised desperate plea to share “life’s grand adventures”. \* . Re-iteration of independence. \* . Love me, love my pet! \* . Optional disclosure of spiritual/personal epiphany. \* . Weak closing joke about being long winded. \* end. > [@](#): > > About my date: Laundry list of highly desirable but practically unattainable qualities. \* . Politely worded, nye unrealistic, physical attribute expectations. \* . Thinly veiled ”Keep me laughing in stitches all day long or I’ll leave you” threat. \* . ”Know when to be serious” corollary. \* . Be smart! (Like me!). \* . Communicate! (Read my mind!). \* . “Don’t fence me in” warning. \* . Survivor adventure to black tie reception (transition inside 60 seconds) requirement. \* . Drop it like it’s hot at the dance club. \* . Express affection generously (on demand but NOT IN PUBLIC!) \* . Built in clause for liberal personal space (for what? a walk-in closet?). \* . Be emotionally available (to MY needs!). \* . Talk to me (”No, listen to ME!”). \* . Disingenuous request to “be yourself” (but not when my friends are looking!). \* . Boiler-plate out clause ref: Chemistry/Spark/Connection. \* end . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Seriously now: . . . Intelligent. Confident but not arrogant. Independent. Open minded. Affectionate. Supportive. Able to laugh at yourself. Fit & athletic. Contemporary sense of style. Make heads turn in a pair of jeans and heels. Be over the bar/club scene - it’s all been done before. Like parties but love the intimate times alone with your partner. Like to cook but love to bake. Like white wine but love red. Have a strong sense of aesthetics for music, art, fashion, literature and personal surroundings. Love to cuddle while reading or watching movies/tv. Take rainy Sunday naps. Listen to the music AND the lyrics. Dance. Sing (or at least hum the tune). Read avidly. Maybe write a little (or a lot). Have an opinion, be willing share it and maybe debate it. Be curious. Be creative. Be grounded. Be honest. Be loyal. Be sincere. Be mine… There! Easy. Right? And you know what?.. It fucking worked… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/7 "2006-04-28T18:51:41Z")
How many points for “I love to travel” or similar? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/8 "2006-04-28T19:44:39Z")
You’d think that the personal ads were bursting with the seams with art history majors, given all of the women who describe themselves as “Rubenesque” when they really mean “fat.” ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/9 "2006-04-28T20:28:29Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > The following was my profile on Match when I was last an active member (6 months ago) and really fed up with the entire online dating thing as well as the painfully unoriginal profiles: Dear sweet baby Jesus, you win the thread. If I start a dating blog, can I use that? ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/10 "2006-04-28T20:42:12Z")
I’d say Quicksilver wins too. It’s brilliant! I just wanted to post that a couple years ago eHarmony sent me a match of a guy who was mourning his deceased wife and used his wedding photo. And that was the only picture. How many points for him? ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/11 "2006-04-28T20:48:47Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’m not looking to date your dog! Moron…\ I usually send a message hitting on the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/12 "2006-04-28T22:05:26Z")
Wow, no mention of “down to earth”? I imagine the only reason you would omit it is that its inclusion would result in alcohol poisoning in about 10 minutes. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/13 "2006-04-28T23:31:19Z")
3 extra points for Latina girls photographed with their arse pointing towards the camera and while they are looking back over their shoulder. mm ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/14 "2006-04-28T23:42:39Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > 3 extra points for Latina girls photographed with their arse pointing towards the camera and while they are looking back over their shoulder. > > mm I don’t know about you, but Latina arses make my world go 'round. Now that I’ve discovered them, I’m hooked for life. I’m SO happy I learned Spanish! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/15 "2006-04-29T04:16:07Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > 3 extra points for Latina girls photographed with their arse pointing towards the camera and while they are looking back over their shoulder. > > mm Is that just a cliche, or a truly bad thing? Cleveland and Buffalo seem to be big on the uber-Italians. Yhey don’t have any photo cliches, but they always have to validate their Italian-ness several times in the ad, the minimum being a mention of cooking, church, the large family they came from, and The Sopranos. THERE’S ALSO THE PROFILES THAT ARE TYPED ENTIRELY IN CAPS AND OFTEN WITHOUT PUNCTUATION WHY DO SOME PEOPLE DO THIS??? ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/16 "2006-04-29T04:38:52Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Is that just a cliche, or a truly bad thing? > > Cleveland and Buffalo seem to be big on the uber-Italians. Yhey don’t have any photo cliches, but they always have to validate their Italian-ness several times in the ad, the minimum being a mention of cooking, church, the large family they came from, and The Sopranos. They’re clearly trying to overcompensate for not being from Jersey, Brooklyn or the Bronx. (I dunno why they should be. My dad once worked for the Italian mob in Buffalo, only he didn’t know it till one morning he found the door padlocked and a couple of Feds wishing to have a word with him.) > [@](#): > > THERE’S ALSO THE PROFILES THAT ARE TYPED ENTIRELY IN CAPS AND OFTEN WITHOUT PUNCTUATION WHY DO SOME PEOPLE DO THIS??? BECAUSE THEY WANT TO ATTRACT PEOPLE JUST LIKE THEM WHO LOVE LIFE SOOO MUCH THEY JUST HAVE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS WITHOUT PUNC!!11!!!22 ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/17 "2006-04-30T11:48:42Z")
Isn’t WSM white single male? If so then “WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder” will never happen. And neither will any other ones using the words WSM and her. ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/18 "2006-04-30T11:54:43Z")
> [@dbuzman](#): > > Isn’t WSM white single male? If so then “WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder” will never happen. And neither will any other ones using the words WSM and her. WSM = woman seeking man ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/19 "2006-04-30T12:01:23Z")
Ah ok, thanks for the correction. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620/20 "2006-04-30T13:04:55Z")
WSM: White girl starting profile with the phrase “I like to hang out with my PEEPS!” - 4 points WSM: Deliberatel Misspelling of previously mentioned comments (“I like to have PHUN!”) +2 points. MSW: Manages to get the phrase ‘M.B.A.’ in their profile name. +5 points MSW: Lists all preferences as ‘no preference’ except for ‘body type’ which only has ‘athletic and toned’ selected. 8 points. MSW: Has the above cliche and also resembles the Comic Book Guy. +7 points. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-match-com-drinking-game/354620.md?page=2)