# The measure of a man (or woman) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 25, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420 "2009-02-25T20:52:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MichaelJohnBertrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dfb087/32.png) [@MichaelJohnBertrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelJohnBertrand)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/1 "2009-02-25T20:52:33Z")
I’ve put this in here because it’s an open-ended question, but I will understand of the mods transplant it to Great Debates. What do you consider to be the key attributes by which to measure a person’s character? What do you look for in a person when gauging how good a person somebody is? Courage? Honesty? Compassion? Intelligence? What qualities do you admire? Which ones do you despise? Why? Like usual, I’ll wait till there’s some replies before throwing in my own answers, so that I don’t end up steering or biasing the responses. ---
**Author:** ![Fuji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Fuji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/2 "2009-02-25T20:56:50Z")
Cruelty, brutal indifference, or willful stupidity. I don’t hang out with people having those traits. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/3 "2009-02-25T22:16:53Z")
I would say positive traits in not particular order: courage loyalty sincerety sense of personal responsibility reasonably intelligent fun (I mean who wants to hang out with some uptight douche?) I tend to not like to associate with people who I feel are: full of shit insincere or dishonest willfully stupid irresponsible (unless it results in hilareous consequences) socially clueless crazy or drama-prone Which is difficult as many of my friends are often full of shit or irresponsible or sometimes even complete jerks. So what it ultimately comes down to is what can I depend on them for and what can I not depend on them for. Some friends are fine for having a few beers with, but I wouldn’t depend on them for anything, including showing up for a beer. Another friend my be a complete asshole when it comes to staying faithful to his wife or girlfriend, but he is a loyal and courageous friend to me and his other friends in any way that it counts. Some friends are kind of like “what the hell are we hanging out with this dickhead for?” but I’ve kind of distanced myself from those people. What was acceptable for teenage or 20-something friends tends not to be tolerated as you get older. ---
**Author:** ![Disney\_Fan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7993a0/32.png) [@Disney\_Fan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Disney_Fan)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/4 "2009-02-25T23:04:28Z")
For me, it’s honesty. On the other side of that coin, Arrogance. ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/5 "2009-02-26T00:48:09Z")
All of those traits matter to me but there’s something that I don’t know what to call that in the end is the measure for me. It has something to do with being able to control your emotions and your actions in order to achieve the goals that you set out and to be the kind of person that you respect. It’s the absence of self-indulgence, self-pity, unrealistic expectations, and the strength to say no to short-term desires in order to achieve long term ones or to simply treat someone else decently. It’s a willingness to evaluate yourself honestly and tell yourself that you’re full of shit or just plain wrong and make amends. I don’t know what all of that adds up to but it matters to me. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/6 "2009-02-26T06:31:30Z")
I don’t believe that it’s appropriate for me to judge who is a good person and who isn’t. With that said, I cannot refrain from liking some people more than others. While that judgement arises from a lot of qualities, the biggest ones would have to be politeness and sensitivity. In short, my favorite people are those who care most about other people. ---
**Author:** ![Discipline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/82dd89/32.png) [@Discipline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Discipline)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/7 "2009-02-26T16:06:15Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > I don’t believe that it’s appropriate for me to judge who is a good person and who isn’t. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/8 "2009-02-26T17:59:41Z")
Bust, waist, and hips. Oh, as far as character? I find the qualities I _most_ respect are the qualities where I feel I need a little work in myself - strong work ethic, generosity, diplomacy. (the latter not to be confused with “politeness” which I see has been mentioned. This word for me carries connotations of insincerity for the sake of avoiding confrontation) Other qualities I think are important but are things I feel like I also possess: respect for self and others, critical thinking skills, responsibility, stability, sense of humor, and honoring one’s word. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/9 "2009-02-26T18:03:20Z")
> [@Disney\_Fan](#): > > For me, it’s honesty. > > On the other side of that coin, Arrogance. So what if someone is honest\* and \*arrogant? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/10 "2009-02-26T20:33:59Z")
There are people who treat people or animals like crap because they know they can get away with it, and people who don’t. The ones who do that are not good people, and I try to avoid them if possible. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/11 "2009-02-26T20:38:10Z")
Open minded Honest Optimistic Genuinely seeks happiness Non-judgemental Self-aware ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/12 "2009-02-26T20:48:25Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > There are people who treat people or animals like crap because they know they can get away with it, and people who don’t. The ones who do that are not good people, and I try to avoid them if possible. What if they are scientists doing experiments to further the cause of human knowledge? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/13 "2009-02-26T21:28:16Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > What if they are scientists doing experiments to further the cause of human knowledge? I’d make an exception for that, or for my vet treating my cat in a way that I’m sure my cat feels is bad. Also for someone yelling at and being generally disrespectful to a person while trying to, say, get them to leave a burning building. But if you’re doing it just to feel like you have some power, or because you just can’t be bothered with how you treat others, then you’re scum. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/14 "2009-02-27T02:47:03Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > There are people who treat people or animals like crap because they know they can get away with it, and people who don’t. The ones who do that are not good people, and I try to avoid them if possible. Whether or not I think that’s a good criteria, I would say that the reverse, at least, doesn’t hold up to scruitiny. There are plenty of assholes in the world who just loves little snookums and all his furry friends. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/15 "2009-02-27T06:59:45Z")
Sorry Anne Neville, I totally misread your post by omitting “treat **people** and animals”. So… yeah, I pretty much agree with you. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/16 "2009-02-27T07:31:29Z")
I like people who have compassion, intelligence, logic, and a tiny bit of whimsical silliness. Cry with me over a good 2-box-Kleenex movie, debate with me about a good political article or treatise, play me a good game of chess (or backgammon, in a pinch), or be a little goofy, and read me Calvin & Hobbes, or Bloom County cartoon strips in bed. Must like kids. I might have forgotten to mention that. While it seems that I just wrote a personal ad, that’s not what I intended. That’s just what I consider to be an ideal partner. (My husband isn’t too far off, I admit.) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/17 "2009-02-27T07:56:27Z")
The best compliment I ever give anyone is “she does her thing.” I like people who are true to themselves, no matter what that self is as long as it isn’t outright evil. The people I find myself avoiding are the people who are trying to be someone else and not being honest about it. ---
**Author:** ![Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/46a35a/32.png) [@Walker\_in\_Eternity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walker_in_Eternity)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/18 "2009-02-27T09:44:19Z")
Positives: Honesty integrity intelligence Negatives: Ignorance Arrogance Willful stupidity ---
**Author:** ![MichaelJohnBertrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dfb087/32.png) [@MichaelJohnBertrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelJohnBertrand)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-measure-of-a-man-or-woman/487420/19 "2009-02-27T12:22:55Z")
My turn, I guess. This is a hard question, which is why I posted it. Things I admire, but lack : strength, courage, competence, focus, drive, energy, practical skill, accomplishment, stability Things I admire, and have : Sensitivity, intelligence, wit, compassion, greatness of spirit, wisdom, insight, enlightened pragmatism, creativity Things I dislike, and have : aimlessness, being self-absorbed, social gracelessness Things I despise, and do not have : cruelty, insensitivity, mindless aggression, pettiness, small-mindedness, willful ignorance, PROUD ignorance, refusal to face facts and deal with things as they really are, tiny souls, lack of vision. That’s something like a definition. An inductive one, I guess. 😛