# The Melania movie reviews are in! (they're not good) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [January 31, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227 "2026-01-31T15:30:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/201 "2026-02-05T04:41:53Z")
> [@DKW](#): > > How does Melania Trump even begin to measure up to this? From everything I’ve seen and heard, she’s a blank-slate overprivileged trophy wife who’s never made so much as a nasty tweet. She’s like an AI girlfriend with worse English. My WAG is twofold: - Many people feel that she’s quite attractive (in an unapproachable ice-queen sort of way), so there’s probably a lust aspect to some of their support of her. - She’s not just a trophy bride, she’s Dear Leader’s trophy bride. And, honestly, mostly because of #2. If she were just one more 50-something former model, she wouldn’t be on MAGA nation’s radar at all. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/202 "2026-02-05T12:41:51Z")
Because making it about Melania means it’s straightforward to pay the bribe. [Melania Trump earned $28 million from the film](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melania_(film)) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/203 "2026-02-05T21:43:10Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > Many people feel that she’s quite attractive (in an unapproachable ice-queen sort of way), so there’s probably a lust aspect to some of their support of her. A neo-republican relative was watching a commercial for the movie with my daughter during a football game a week ago and remarked, “She’s really a classy lady.” ---
**Author:** ![duality72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duality72/32/3910_2.png) [@duality72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duality72)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/204 "2026-02-06T04:12:44Z")
[![](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQj04eMgoeyFnyXkIi87MXiyewAGewC70iF7KAbm1BJIzWjb4KuSbl22Kk&s=10) ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQj04eMgoeyFnyXkIi87MXiyewAGewC70iF7KAbm1BJIzWjb4KuSbl22Kk&s=10) ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/205 "2026-02-06T18:05:11Z")
Given the (I imagine) lack of car chases and massive explosions, it should be easy and cheap for some imaginative comics to make a full length parody movie. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/206 "2026-02-06T18:09:09Z")
Starring that woman who appears as her occasionally on Colbert’s show. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/207 "2026-02-06T18:23:10Z")
I’d like a scene wherein she’s snatched up by aliens and whisked into outer space, like that incongruous scene in Life of Brian, and then deposited back as if nothing happened. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/208 "2026-02-06T20:11:14Z")
This is the kind of thing of which some people normally would say “I refuse to give them money, I’ll wait until it’s pirated to see it.” Then I wonder who would bother spending time and bandwidth to pirate _this._ ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/209 "2026-02-06T20:15:46Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I’d like a scene wherein she’s snatched up by aliens and whisked into outer space, like that incongruous scene in Life of Brian, and then deposited back as if nothing happened. Needs more dragons. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/210 "2026-02-06T20:42:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Starring that woman who appears as her occasionally on Colbert’s show. Was that an actress or AI? I couldn’t decide. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/211 "2026-02-06T21:04:59Z")
Melania herself is pretty artificial looking and behaving. Perhaps she’s an AI bot. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/212 "2026-02-06T21:08:36Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Perhaps she’s an AI bot. That would explain how she’s managed to stay married to you-know-who all this time. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/213 "2026-02-06T21:21:10Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > That would explain how she’s managed to stay married to you-know-who all this time. My understanding is that they have separate bedrooms and in general have very little to do with each other, which suits them both fine. True love this is not – it’s a business arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/214 "2026-02-06T22:28:04Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > Was that an actress or AI? I couldn’t decide. Her name is [Laura Benanti](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1128574/?ref_=tt_cst_t_14), and she’s primarily a Broadway actress. Sometimes at the end of one of her bits, they’ll pull back to a wide shot of the stage and you’ll see her at one corner in her little set, and Colbert at his desk in the other corner. She won a Tony award. She can sing, too! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/RjRhvf-w8TE/maxresdefault.jpg "Laura Benanti sings "Vanilla Ice Cream" | She Loves Me | Broadway's Best | Great Performances on PBS") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjRhvf-w8TE) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/215 "2026-02-06T22:41:55Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > My understanding is that they have separate bedrooms and in general have very little to do with each other, which suits them both fine. Of that, I’m sure. Still, you’d think she could find _anyone_ else she’d rather spend the best years of her life with, pre-nup or no pre-nup. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/216 "2026-02-06T22:48:07Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > Her name is [Laura Benanti](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1128574/?ref_=tt_cst_t_14), and she’s primarily a Broadway actress … > > She won a Tony award. She can sing, too! Benanti looks intelligent. Not a good fit to play Melania, who just looks somehow vapid and non-human. But if you like vapid and non-human, I understand this movie will treat you to two hours of it! 😁 ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/217 "2026-02-06T22:58:32Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > Not a good fit to play Melania, who just looks somehow vapid and non-human. A lot of that can be achieved w make-up. If you look at the kind of magazines that rich women read, the ads are for $10K purses, $20K dresses, & $100K bracelets. If that cheap. Most of the very thin, very beautiful (not pretty) models affect that same haughty distant look that clearly signals _everything_ they survey is far beneath them. Even the product they’re shilling. That image sells well to those folks. Melania has it down cold. Ice cold. With appropriate makeup a skilled actress like Benanti could nail that look and behavior. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2026, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/218 "2026-02-07T00:50:26Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Most of the very thin, very beautiful (not pretty) models affect that same haughty distant look that clearly signals _everything_ they survey is far beneath them. Even the product they’re shilling. > > That image sells well to those folks. Melania has it down cold. Ice cold. I’ve never seen Melania look any other way, in any setting. It’s a signature look, just like the Orange One with his constant scowl. Neither one of them ever looks genuinely happy, and probably neither one of them realizes how clearly they’re radiating that fact. I’m pretty sure that with Melania, that dead, vapid look is authentic, not makeup. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2026, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/219 "2026-02-07T01:09:42Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > I’m pretty sure that with Melania, that dead, vapid look is authentic, not makeup. You’re probably right. My point was solely that any actress of the right general facial features can pull off that look. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2026, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/220 "2026-02-07T03:52:14Z")
**Triumph of the Melania** You’re going watch _Melania_ and you’re going to like it: > **[Military Pressured to See ‘Melania’ Against Their Will](https://www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/military-pressured-to-see-melania-whistleblowers-warn/)** > > A military group has evidence of troops being ordered into theater—the movie theater. > “Nobody that I know wanted to go except for those that did not want to get jacked up by our unit commander for not attending,” one of those members told Weinstein in a letter seen by journalist [Jonathan Larsen](https://jonathanlarsen.substack.com/p/military-commanders-pressured-troops). > The unit commander in question is alleged to have worn red MAGA hats in the past and “made it very clear” how he feels about those who do not support the administration’s agenda. > He is also alleged to have made seeing _Melania_ count as one of the three “unit activity events” service members are required to attend each month. Such events are designed to promote bonds within combat units and their families. > The letter said, “…he ‘advised’ our unit members and their families to join him and his wife and children for a showing of that new documentary called ‘Melania’ at an off-base movie theater… When he said ‘advised’, we know what that meant. > “We feel helpless to try to fight against what he is doing here.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=12)