# The Melania movie reviews are in! (they're not good) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [January 31, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227 "2026-01-31T15:30:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/41 "2026-01-31T19:08:55Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > Make it $500 and I might consider it. But would you be able to remain in your seat for the duration? > **[You Can Make $50 Watching Melania Trump Movie in Theaters](https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/movies/articles/50-watching-melania-trump-movie-142537253.html)** > > The upcoming Melania Trump documentary is going to some interesting lengths to make sure folks check out the movie, according to some. > A Craigslist ad has appeared [in the Boston area](https://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/evg/d/boston-attend-melania-documentary-free/7911560682.html) asking people to attend a Melania showing in “any Boston area theatre” during the opening weekend of the film. Those who do will receive a free ticket, as well as $50 per seat occupied. The ad also specifies that people “must remain in seats” for the entirety of the movie. Whether or not the ad is real or some sort of attempt at trolling is unknown, but reports of the film’s lack of interest at the box office have been discussed for some time this past week. [![](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G_ywW9KbUAEVony?format=jpg&name=medium) ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G_ywW9KbUAEVony?format=jpg&name=medium) ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/42 "2026-01-31T19:23:35Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > I wouldn’t pay for it, but might possibly watch an MST3K version of “Melania”. 😆 Now that has great potential! That, I definitely **would** pay to watch! In fact, _Melania_ might just be the best subject of MST3K mockery that was ever made! And if I had the opportunity, it’s a project to which I’d happily volunteer my time and what remains of my feeble humourous talents. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/43 "2026-01-31T19:43:02Z")
The offer has now been withdrawn. > **[Attend MELANIA documentary- Free tickets + $50!!! - event gigs - craigslist](https://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/evg/d/boston-attend-melania-documentary-free/7911560682.html)** > > \*\*\*\*\*\*\*UPDATE PLEASE READ\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Thank you for your interest in “Melania: Twenty Days to History.” We had an incredible response to this offer and were excited to provide true American Patriots the... ================= Thank you for your interest in “Melania: Twenty Days to History.” We had an incredible response to this offer and were excited to provide true American Patriots the opportunity to attend the best documentary ever created while providing some much-needed relief for Biden’s economy. However, due to widespread coverage and backlash surrounding this offer in the fake news media, counsel has advised us that proceeding would run afoul of campaign finance laws. Considering the funding of the film by Amazon, we were shocked to hear this, but cannot take the risk. Therefore, we are unable to move forward. As usual, this is the fault of the lunatic left and their corrupt election laws. They HATE America and will do anything to destroy this country. On the bright side, this incredible film is now SOLD OUT everywhere, with box office success like no one has EVER seen. ========================= ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/44 "2026-01-31T19:45:48Z")
North Korea has never written propaganda more disconnected from real reality than that bit. And half of Amerika is loving that shit. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/45 "2026-01-31T19:50:06Z")
Poe’s law strikes again. I honestly can’t tell if it’s real or a parody. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/46 "2026-01-31T20:02:21Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Just try to find a sold-out theater showing this film that isn’t a very small private showing, I dare you. Of course they can’t even be bothered to write it realistically. It HAS to be sold out and get a Standing O. OTOH have you seen how small some “town center” multiplex rooms are these days? Not that hard to fill with a sponsored showing by, say, a class of College Republicans. > [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > The offer has now been withdrawn. Probably was the plan anyway, just draw attention then announce you’re backing down due to too much demand and because your lawyers harrumphed. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/47 "2026-01-31T20:05:01Z")
The odor of Poe is strong with that one. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/48 "2026-01-31T20:20:39Z")
Two points to add to the discussion (and someone really needs to bite the bullet and see it, to stop it being an angels dancing on pinheads commentary): We need a word other than ‘documentary’ to describe this and similar films like the Beckhams and other self-funded, self-produced, self-starring vanity vehicles that emerge from time to time. No documentary is completely factual or objective, and choices are made in stories to tell, what to screen and narrative threads to pursue and with what outcome, but from legitimate documentary makers there is a basic level of factual representation that they must meet. Maybe _Melania_ hits it, but given all of the ways that she intersects with what is really a major historical crisis in American democracy, even in the month leading to inauguration, surely place-settings and hats is not the story to be telling. Unless the story is that she is as completely irrelevant to that marriage and partnership as some argue. The other point is that this has become a version of the _Producers_ (the stellar Mel Brooks film) plot. Bezos wanted a way to move a big chunk of money so that it was legally uncontestable, and do it transparently rather than covertly. In the _Producers_ it was Max Bialystock shilling the usual small-scale investors into putting money into a flop which becomes a write-off. There is nothing different in this, except that Bezos can seduce himself, not some lonely heiress for the money. And as a rosy take on emerging fascism and brutality … ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/49 "2026-01-31T20:24:20Z")
> [@Banksiaman](#): > > We need a word other than ‘documentary’ to describe this and similar films like the Beckhams and other self-funded, self-produced, self-starring vanity vehicles that emerge from time to time. It’s the secondary/modern definition of “[hagiography](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hagiography)”: > [@](#): > > When referring to modern, non-ecclesiastical works, the term [_hagiography_](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hagiography) is often used today as a [pejorative](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pejorative) reference to biographies and [histories](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historian) whose authors are perceived to be uncritical or excessively reverential toward their subject. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/50 "2026-01-31T20:59:42Z")
Yes, thankyou, there’s always hagiography, but I’m holding out for a snappier word we can use in movie reviews, and hopefully shorten in conversation, like ‘we saw this rather poor doco’. I’d so much hate to cause offence by saying ‘we saw this horrific hag’. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/51 "2026-01-31T21:25:45Z")
“BioSlop?” [https://movieweb.com/what-is-slop-movies-meaning/](https://movieweb.com/what-is-slop-movies-meaning/) ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/52 "2026-01-31T21:36:10Z")
Schlockumentary? ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/53 "2026-01-31T21:41:53Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > Schlockumentary? Got my vote. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/54 "2026-01-31T21:45:01Z")
Propamentary? ---
**Author:** ![steronz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steronz/32/11765_2.png) [@steronz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steronz)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/55 "2026-01-31T21:47:40Z")
I really want to see this just to gawk at it (by buying tickets for something else and sneaking in, natch), but I can’t find anyone willing to gawk with me and I’m not gonna go alone. I may watch it once it’s available via… alternate sources. I was very surprised to see that Brett Ratner directed this, mostly because he’s a fairly successful director and I completely forgot that he was blacklisted from Hollywood during the #metoo movement because he’s a rapist. It makes perfect sense, then, that the Trumps would have welcomed him with open arms. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/56 "2026-01-31T22:04:47Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I was very surprised to see that Brett Ratner directed this, mostly because he’s a fairly successful director and I completely forgot that he was blacklisted from Hollywood during the #metoo movement because he’s a rapist. It makes perfect sense, then, that the Trumps would have welcomed him with open arms. You have to wonder how many filmmakers they had to cycle through before finding one desperate enough to prostitute himself for this piece of crap. Hollywood is not exactly enamoured of MAGA. They must have needed to dig deep into the depths. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/57 "2026-01-31T22:07:12Z")
The only way I would watch it would be if I knew that somewhere in the movie she utters the phrase “moose and squirrel” and even then I’d only watch that clip on YouTube. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/58 "2026-01-31T22:20:12Z")
Hag-flick ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/59 "2026-01-31T22:26:39Z")
My favorite review so far: “So dreadful that if it were shown as in flight entertainment, people would still get up and walk out.” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/60 "2026-01-31T22:41:14Z")
Excellent suggestion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=4)