# The Melania movie reviews are in! (they're not good) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [January 31, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227 "2026-01-31T15:30:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/61 "2026-01-31T22:44:21Z")
Another review: “If syphilis was a movie….” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/62 "2026-01-31T22:54:08Z")
Is it true that $28 million of the $40 million budget was “licensing fees” paid to the Trumps? ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/63 "2026-01-31T23:28:18Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I was very surprised to see that Brett Ratner directed this, mostly because he’s a fairly successful director and I completely forgot that he was blacklisted from Hollywood during the #metoo movement because he’s a rapist. It makes perfect sense, then, that the Trumps would have welcomed him with open arms. And here he is in the latest dump of Epstein files: > **[https://i.redd.it/cmuajwbmuqgg1.jpeg](https://i.redd.it/cmuajwbmuqgg1.jpeg)** ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/64 "2026-01-31T23:46:23Z")
“Come on, that could be any Brett Ratner!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2026, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/65 "2026-01-31T23:46:26Z")
I reckon we will kidnap Kim Jong Un next. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/66 "2026-02-01T00:25:52Z")
In the form of a production fee to Melania. Totally above board. And to quote The Producers, in the early scene where Leo Bloom (Gene Wilder) works out that Bialystock’s failed play actually made him a few thousand bucks. - – - BLOOM See? You could have raised a million dollars, put on a sixty thousand dollar flop and kept the rest. BIALYSTOCK But what if the play was a hit? BLOOM Oh, you’d go to jail. If the play were a hit, you’d have to pay off the backers, and with so many backers there could never be enough profits to go around, get it? BIALYSTOCK Aha, aha, aha, aha, aha, aha!! So, in order for the scheme to work, we’d have to find a sure fire flop. BLOOM What scheme? BIALYSTOCK What scheme? Your scheme, you bloody little genius. –- ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/67 "2026-02-01T01:00:48Z")
I checked out the movie on IMDB and there’s loads of 1 star reviews and also a handful of 10 star reviews. Those 10 star reviews are wild. Stuff like “Great First Lady Ever” and “the whole theater cheered at the end.” I was surprised to see that the movie is just about the 20 days leading up the inauguration. Just following Melania around as she prepares to be First Lady again. I’d have thought it was about her actual life, how she came to America and stuff. Nope - just 20 days. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/68 "2026-02-01T01:59:54Z")
Wait until you see Melania the Musical. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/69 "2026-02-01T02:11:38Z")
A quote on Discord I ran across: > Here’s a line from Sophie Gilbert’s review of the Melania movie. > > “Melania shows off her custom-made inauguration gown, stark white with black ribbons overlaying it, a dress that now looks unavoidably like the redacted Epstein files.” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/70 "2026-02-01T02:45:38Z")
The Guardian’s take: > I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch and proffered like a medieval tribute to placate the greedy king on his throne. Youch. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/71 "2026-02-01T02:49:35Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > He also lives and dies on “ratings”, so making a movie for him that’s a complete flop will enrage him. No he’ll secretly love it. He’s competitive and unkind. It will affirm to him that he’s more popular and important than Melania. He would have been inwardly enraged if “Melania” was a smash. Although he would probably have consoled himself by saying it was because he was in it. ---
**Author:** ![Tierce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@Tierce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tierce)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/72 "2026-02-01T03:24:24Z")
Another one, from a friend: “Having to watch this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in a theater.” – Abraham Lincoln ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/73 "2026-02-01T03:42:44Z")
And the sequel, _Melania: Here We Go Again_. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/74 "2026-02-01T03:54:09Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Although he would probably have consoled himself by saying it was because he was in it. If she gets an Oscar rather than him it will be very unfair. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/75 "2026-02-01T04:01:09Z")
Earlier today, I was thinking of what to do on a free Saturday night: A) Drive to a treater and watch a craptastic, self-serving piece of propaganda, or… B) Shoving a pair of meat thermometers into my ears and slamming my hand in the front door. Well, now I can’t hear anything, and can’t type for crap. Tripler At least I have my pride. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/76 "2026-02-01T04:09:46Z")
At the 2 Seattle theaters nearest me where it’s playing, starting in 10 minutes, only 4 seats have been sold. Actually those are the only 2 theaters within Seattle showing it. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/77 "2026-02-01T04:15:38Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > If she gets an Oscar rather than him it will be very unfair. If Melania gets an Oscar **and** a Nobel Peace Prize for her contributions to something or other, it will be even more unfair! > [@BobLibDem](#): > > The only way I would watch it would be if I knew that somewhere in the movie she utters the phrase “moose and squirrel” and even then I’d only watch that clip on YouTube. There **has** to be a way that Melania can be enticed to say “is Moose and Squirrel”! > [@needscoffee](#): > > At the 2 Seattle theaters nearest me where it’s playing, starting in 10 minutes, only 4 seats have been sold. Trump operatives buying up seats apparently can’t be everywhere at once. They just can’t keep up! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/78 "2026-02-01T04:28:59Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’d have thought it was about her actual life, how she came to America and stuff. She’d probably prefer to deep-six any examination of that, and with good reason. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/79 "2026-02-01T05:27:28Z")
If I wanted to watch a movie about a hooker who fucks and then marries a Russian asset for money, I could watch “Anora” again. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2026, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/80 "2026-02-01T07:15:42Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Wait until you see Melania the Musical. Also know as Moose Murders II [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=5)