# The Melania movie reviews are in! (they're not good) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [January 31, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227 "2026-01-31T15:30:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/121 "2026-02-02T04:59:51Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I would still check to see if running an unauthorized political rally is allowed, and the theater can’t claim ignorance if a single politician bought all the tickets. Good grief, the theater bears no responsibility for a politician violating election laws. Nor is it up to the theater to determine whether a violation is even being committed or where the funds are coming from. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/122 "2026-02-02T05:05:38Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > > [@ricepad](#): > > > > Why don’t they have a special screening at The Kennedy Center? > > They did: The screening went so badly, The Kennedy Center is shutting down for 2 years to recover. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/123 "2026-02-02T14:03:13Z")
This worthless movie about a worthless woman is such an open bribe, but whatever makes him happy. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/124 "2026-02-02T14:22:50Z")
Was there that much vomit on the Kennedy Center floor that it’s going to take two years to clean up? ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/125 "2026-02-02T14:31:40Z")
Who knew that Mr. Creosote was MAGA? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/126 "2026-02-02T14:42:53Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > I saw a meme in two parts. The first panel had some anime guys about to fight; one of them says “let’s go fight somewhere empty”. They’re in the desert, so the implication is they need somewhere even emptier than a desert. > > The next panel shows them fighting in a theater that’s showing _Melania_. I saw that one; the version I saw used Goku and Vegeta from the Dragonball Z anime. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/127 "2026-02-02T15:08:34Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I saw that one; the version I saw used Goku and Vegeta from the Dragonball Z anime I know enough from osmosis to know the meme I saw was indeed from Dragonball Z but not whether the characters go by those names. So I assume it’s the same meme. ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/128 "2026-02-02T15:36:20Z")
I saw a Facebook post, purportedly from a MAGA guy, telling how he was in the lobby of his local theater, preparing to see _Melania_, when he encountered a father with two young daughters. They had come to see _Zootopia 2_, but the girls were now clamoring to see _Melania_, because “she’s the most beautiful first lady ever!” Our MAGA hero had to tell them that, sadly, all showings of the movie were entirely sold out. But never fear! Our hero just happened to have some extra tickets to this showing, which he was glad to give to them. Happiness and sunshine abounded! Obviously this is bullshit. But Poe’s Law being what it is, I’m not sure if this was a genuine MAGA guy who expected people to buy this ludicrous story, or somebody trolling the MAGA faithful to see how many of them would believe it. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/129 "2026-02-02T16:06:00Z")
> [@MrAtoz](#): > > to see how many of them would believe it. IMO … Probably all of them. Belief in the magical legend is a huge thing with them. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/130 "2026-02-02T16:37:00Z")
> [@MrAtoz](#): > > I saw a Facebook post, purportedly from a MAGA guy, telling how he was in the lobby of his local theater, preparing to see _Melania_, when he encountered a father with two young daughters. They had come to see _Zootopia 2_, but the girls were now clamoring to see _Melania_, because “she’s the most beautiful first lady ever!” Our MAGA hero had to tell them that, sadly, all showings of the movie were entirely sold out. But never fear! Our hero just happened to have some extra tickets to this showing, which he was glad to give to them. Happiness and sunshine abounded! I believe it, because everyone going to see a movie always carries around a couple of dozen extra tickets for just such an occasion, especially if the movie is completely sold out. And I can certainly believe that most little girls would happily give up the opportunity to see Zootopia 2 in favour of watching a hagiography in praise of a Slovenian hooker. I don’t see why anyone would question this perfectly plausible story. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/131 "2026-02-02T16:54:58Z")
In general (and as expressed in some past discussions) I am hesitant to have an opinion about a movie being horrible when I haven’t seen it myself (beyond one sufficient to say it doesn’t interest me to watch) - I think I can make an exception in this case! ---
**Author:** ![Chelonaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Chelonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chelonaut)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/132 "2026-02-02T17:01:26Z")
> [@MrAtoz](#): > > Obviously this is bullshit. But Poe’s Law being what it is, I’m not sure if this was a genuine MAGA guy who expected people to buy this ludicrous story, or somebody trolling the MAGA faithful to see how many of them would believe it. A screenshot of that post has also made the round on several subreddits. The OOP is Nick Adams, who is the new US ambassador to Malaysia. So if he’s a troll, he is in deep, deep cover (like under a bridge, which is under another bridge etc.) and in for the long haul. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/133 "2026-02-02T17:11:47Z")
The RT rating is now up to 10% as more MAGA critics weigh in, one of them commenting on the lovely way the movie shows “the warm and human side” of the gold-digging Slovenian hooker. Apparently Melania is a 4-polytope, or polyhedroid, whose “warm and human” side, if it exists, must exist only in the fourth dimension, because that particular side cannot be seen in three-dimensional space. ---
**Author:** ![Chelonaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Chelonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chelonaut)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/134 "2026-02-02T17:13:49Z")
I swear I hadn’t heard about a Michelle Obama documentary, but I had more or less guessed that there had to be one after hearing of how vacuous the Melanie movie is, and how much the Trump sphere is trying to make it a big happening. So I wasn’t that surprised when I read there’s a grass roots campaign to get such a documentary (Becoming, 2020) on Netflix’ the week’s most streamed list. > **[How people plan to get Michelle Obama movie to No. 1 as 'Melania' premieres](https://www.newsweek.com/entertainment/michelle-obama-becoming-movie-melania-11441457)** > > "Oh man... it's 'Bridgerton' weekend, but I suppose Lady Whistledown could wait," said one user. ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/135 "2026-02-02T17:29:00Z")
I just checked and it was #6 for movies today. I started playing it – not sure I’ll actually WATCH, but will let it play all the way through… Brian ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/136 "2026-02-02T17:31:32Z")
> [@Chelonaut](#): > > The OOP is Nick Adams, who is the new US ambassador to Malaysia. He’s come a long way since all those Hemingway stories. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/137 "2026-02-02T17:45:18Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > The RT rating is now up to 10% as more MAGA critics weigh in, one of them commenting on the lovely way the movie shows “the warm and human side” of the gold-digging Slovenian hooker. Apparently Melania is a 4-polytope, or polyhedroid, whose “warm and human” side, if it exists, must exist only in the fourth dimension, because that particular side cannot be seen in three-dimensional space. Her personality is as flat and inhuman as her plastic face. Honestly, I have never seen her show an iota of charisma. If you read the viewer reviews, it’s very, very obvious many are bots or people who never actually watched the film. They all read the same and often seem to be written by a person clearly unfamiliar with the film’s contents. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/138 "2026-02-02T17:50:12Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > The theater bears no responsibility for who sees movies as long as they’re old enough. Not even for that. The MPAA rating system is voluntary for the industry, but theaters follow it to maintain access to films from major studios. No law requires it that I’m aware of. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/139 "2026-02-02T18:11:43Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > “the warm and human side” for a MAGAt, maybe? [![](https://thumb.spokesman.com/vgj0IJ1TH6QUIrcv6009R7HPMGU=/1200x0/media.spokesman.com/photos/2018/06/21/APTOPIX_Melania_Trump.jpg) ](https://thumb.spokesman.com/vgj0IJ1TH6QUIrcv6009R7HPMGU=/1200x0/media.spokesman.com/photos/2018/06/21/APTOPIX_Melania_Trump.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227/140 "2026-02-02T18:15:28Z")
> [@Chelonaut](#): > > A screenshot of that post has also made the round on several subreddits. The OOP is Nick Adams, who is the new US ambassador to Malaysia. Yeah, probably the same post I saw. So, yeah, not a troll. It’ll still probably have a bunch of people believing it. That the author’s name is Nick Adams will forever taint my future of viewings of _Godzilla Vs. Monster Zero_ and _Die, Monster, Die_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-melania-movie-reviews-are-in-theyre-not-good/1027227.md?page=8)