# The Michael Masterson Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296 "2000-03-03T21:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/1 "2000-03-03T21:00:00Z")
Hello Mike. We havn’t met, I am kellibelli. I was voted " MPSIMS is my diary" , so I do know a wee bit of what I speak. These survey threads of yours are really a tiresome way to tell people all the little details of your life. Why camoflage this by asking the others to share…you dont really care now do you? So here is a thread just for you to tell all of the interested people on the board all this stuff about yourself. We are breathlessly anticipating the details of your toenails, your toothbrushing habits, your sexual prowess ( never mind, covered that already didnt ya?) all the mundane pointless stuff you must share, because _hey_ this IS the forum for it. But if you dont mind, try to confine it to one thread? So there ya go, knock yourself out. You write it, we all promise to read it, and beleive every word. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Masterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/53a042/32.png) [@Michael\_Masterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Masterson)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/2 "2000-03-03T21:38:00Z")
Hi im Mike, nice to meet you 🙂 * * * ~-MCM-~ ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/3 "2000-03-03T21:40:00Z")
Kelli - if you feed the trolls, you have to clean up after them. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/4 "2000-03-03T21:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by kellibelli: > \*\*Hello Mike… > > So there ya go, knock yourself out.\*\* This is great advice, Kells. You should have just left it at that. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/5 "2000-03-03T21:45:00Z")
Hell, Kell, I’m a straight male, and I _already_ want to do him! I don’t think I could take hearing anymore about next year’s shoe-in for Most Valuable Poster. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/6 "2000-03-03T21:53:00Z")
Vary restrained of you, Kelli, I must say! C’mon bright boy, put up or shut up. And while your at it, send an e-mail to the administrator requesting closure of your other threads. I dare ya. * * * VB Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. ---
**Author:** ![Frankie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Frankie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankie)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/7 "2000-03-03T22:37:00Z")
I guess all Mike has to say about himself is heis name… Sheesh… and Where is the thread devoted to me kells?? * * * -Frankie I’m a wholesale dealin papa, but I retail on the side.-Brownie McGhee ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/8 "2000-03-03T23:09:00Z")
No, I think the problem is that Kelli posted in complete, properly spelled, grammatically correct sentences… so it’s not surprising that Mike didn’t get it. ## As a public service, I’ve used the awesome power of Babelfish to transmogrify the original post, which may prove easier for the target to understand: Hello Microphonous. Us it havn’ T met, I am kellibelli. I was " voted MPSIMS is my diary ", thus I know a small bit of what I speak. These startings of study to you are really a way tiresome statement with people all the small details of your life. Why the camoflage this by asking the others to share you… care of which really now you? So much here a starting right so that you say to all the people interested on the panel all this substance about yourself. We envisage to lose breath the details of your nails of toe, your practices toothbrushing, your prowess sexual (never spirit, covered this already ya of didnt?) all fashionable unjustified substance that you must share, because \* hé \* it IS the forum for him. But if you spirit of which, test to confine it with a starting? Therefore there the ya go, are struck outside. You write him, us all the promise to read it, and believe each word. * * * +++ Divide by cucumber error. Reinstall universe and reboot. +++ ---
**Author:** ![ChrisCTP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@ChrisCTP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisCTP)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/9 "2000-03-03T23:25:00Z")
Way to insult TVeblen, Seale. * * * “I like toast.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/10 "2000-03-03T23:50:00Z")
I was just reading the Ritalin thread over in Great Debates, and suddenly the whole thing clicked. The one fact Michael has revealed to us about himself aside from age and sexual prowess :rolleyes: is that he does suffer from ADD. Suddenly it clicked. The 17-year-old I mentioned in that thread had much of Michael’s apparent attitude two years ago… try to impress everybody with what a stud you are, and if they make fun of you for it, that’s OK, revel in the attention. This is not a putdown, Michael, but if you are actually the age you posted, my guess is that you also suffer from emotional immaturity (and I think that goes hand-in-hand with ADD) and do want people’s attention – positive or negative. For the record, I was emotionally immature for many years as well – I spent much of my twenties with the emotional load of a boy just into puberty, though I was sufficiently introverted that it didn’t cause problems. So you can see that I’m not throwing brickbats at you in suggesting that. If I can throw my 10c here, I’d like to suggest that (a) Michael stop showing off, and post his opinions on stuff – in MPSIMS for the most part, unless he has documentation to back up what he thinks, as people expect in most of the other forums – and ask everyone to give him a chance. If I’m right, he’s just looking for online companionship and shared interests like most of the rest of us, and going about it the wrong way. Give him a chance. ---
**Author:** ![Brewpub\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Brewpub\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brewpub_Wench)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/11 "2000-03-04T00:32:00Z")
## I think he should change his name from Michael Masterson to Mental Masturbation… Lacey _“Casey got hit with a bucket o’ \*\*\*\* and the baaannnnddd plaaayyed onnnnnnn…”_ ---
**Author:** ![Babar714](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Babar714](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babar714)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/12 "2000-03-04T02:25:00Z")
Damn. I just started the I Hate MM Thread without realizing there already was a thread devoted to him. This has got to be one hell of an ego boost for him/it. Sorry, Kelli. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/13 "2000-03-04T03:11:00Z")
Heyyy Miikeeyy… In case you ain’t figured it out, we’d all like to give you a Drano enema. But hey; you have a _really_nice day, you hear? 😛 * * * It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/14 "2000-03-04T04:02:00Z")
I humbly beg everybodies forgiveness for feeding the troll, but he has stayed out of my thread…for now. ☹ Ashamed in Saskatchewan Keith * * * You want brilliance BEFORE I’ve had my coffee!!! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/15 "2000-03-04T04:31:00Z")
Use the Borkifier. It really helps. [http://www.astro.queensu.ca/~dursi/borker.html](http://www.astro.queensu.ca/~dursi/borker.html) You can try Valley Url, but it leaves the tread a little too easy to read yet. [http://www.80s.com/Entertainment/ValleyURL/](http://www.80s.com/Entertainment/ValleyURL/) Any body else have some good translators? ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/16 "2000-03-04T05:09:00Z")
Try [http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/](http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/) ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/17 "2000-03-04T05:24:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by ChrisCTP: > \*\*Way to insult TVeblen, Seale. > > \*\* No, no. The honor ::choke:: was totally undeserved and unsought. In purely utilitarian terms, a sweaty, furtive washout from the Penthouse “letters” column would provide much richer outlets for the twisted minds, ids, egos (but mostly ids) of the Doper collective un-conscienceless. Have at the putz. Veb (the friendliest and want-most-to-meet things didn’t apply to glandularly ruled idiots. Glandularly fuelled, yes; plain tacky, no.) ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2000, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-michael-masterson-thread/14296/18 "2000-03-04T06:26:00Z")
FWIW, here’s his AOL profile according to the email address he posts: Member Name: Mike Masterson Location: Midlothian, (Central) Va Birthdate: 6/3/79 Sex: Male Marital Status: single…[subject to change] Hobbies: writing music, staying in shape, drinking, thinking, watching TV, sex, stocks, seducing beautiful women (im good at all of them!) Computers: It doesn’t matter what computer I use! Occupation: Construction (I get all the hard work though), Computer Science Student, Professional Solo Guitarist (seriously!) Personal Quote: im a genetic freak