# The Most Appalling Remake **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 25, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460 "2002-04-25T00:04:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/1 "2002-04-25T00:04:29Z")
It’s not out yet, but it’s sure to be a champion: _Mr. Deeds Goes to Town_. Bad enough, but look who’s starring **Adam Sandler** :eek: Sounds like a joke, doesn’t it? But I just saw the ad. Could anything even come close? ---
**Author:** ![stankow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@stankow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stankow)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/2 "2002-04-25T00:12:19Z")
I’d certainly put the new “Mr. Deeds” as one of the most pointless remakes, but for flat-out worst, I have to go with “Planet of the Apes,” because I thought it would be good. Maybe “Lost in Space,” but it’s been a while since that one burned itself into my corneas. ---
**Author:** ![TheeGrumpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@TheeGrumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheeGrumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/3 "2002-04-25T00:22:23Z")
Personally, I enjoyed Gus Van Sant’s version of _Psycho_, but I’ll admit that it stretched the concept of “remake” to the point of absurdity. ---
**Author:** ![xicanorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a88e57/32.png) [@xicanorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xicanorex)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/4 "2002-04-25T00:33:34Z")
Worse than _Mr. Deeds Goest To Town_ and _Planet of the Apes_ : _ **PSYCHO** _ I can understand Planet of the Apes . .to a certain extend. BUT PSYCHO. Oh, why Van Sant? oh, why? For a good review on why IT SHOULD NOT had been remade click to [Roger Ebert](http://www.suntimes.com/ebert/ebert_reviews/1998/12/120601.html) . Quote Ebert: > [@](#): > > Curious, how similar the new version is, and how different. If you have seen Hitchcock’s film, you already know the characters, the dialogue, the camera angles, the surprises. All that is missing is the tension–the conviction that something urgent is happening on the screen at this very moment. The movie is an invaluable experiment in the theory of cinema, because it demonstrates that a shot-by-shot remake is pointless; genius apparently resides between or beneath the shots, or in chemistry that cannot be timed or counted. … I was reminded of the child prodigy who was summoned to perform for a famous pianist. The child climbed onto the piano stool and played something by Chopin with great speed and accuracy. The great musician then patted the child on the head and said, "You can play the notes. Someday, you may be able to play the music how true. . .how true XicanoreX ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/5 "2002-04-25T00:56:27Z")
I’ve seen the Van Sant and would gladly sit through it again before I’d be willing to be subjected to Neil Diamond’s _The Jazz Singer_, the atrocious musical _Lost Horizon_, the preposterous _The Jackal_, the moronic _Meet Joe Black_, or the detestable _Vanilla Sky_. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/6 "2002-04-25T01:14:35Z")
Tsk tsk tsk, you youngsters sure do have short memories. Don’t any of you remember the 1979 remake of **From Here to Eternity**? Or the 1976 remake of **King Kong**? While Hollywood is certainly doing **more** remakes now than they were then, they have yet to reach the nadir of quality epitomized by Jessica Lange screaming, “Let go of me, you male chauvanist ape!” ---
**Author:** ![ScriptAnalyst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@ScriptAnalyst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScriptAnalyst)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/7 "2002-04-25T01:29:42Z")
Since you mentioned KING KONG, I thought I’d throw in the awful remake of GODZILLA – a good pop culture metaphor turned into a derivative dumbass movie. steve biodrowski [www.thescriptanalyst.com](http://www.thescriptanalyst.com) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/8 "2002-04-25T03:48:50Z")
Alec Guinness fans better brace themselves: the 1949 classic _Kind Hearts and Coronets_ is being remade with (blech!) Will Smith and Robin Williams. I am appalled in advance. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/9 "2002-04-25T04:44:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ScriptAnalyst \* > \*\*Since you mentioned KING KONG, I thought I’d throw in the awful remake of GODZILLA – a good pop culture metaphor turned into a derivative dumbass movie. > \*\* We Godzilla fans don’t consider the TriStar movie a “Godzilla” movie. We call him GINO: Godzilla In Name Only. The most recent Japanese Godzilla (Godzilla-Mothra-King Ghidorah: Daikaiju Shoshingecki) movie even took potshots at the idea that “Godzilla” attacked New York. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/10 "2002-04-25T04:44:30Z")
I’m going to cheat and name two recent remakes I haven’t even watched; the live action version of _The Grinch_ and Stallone’s version of _Get Carter_. In the case of _The Grinch_, I can’t imagine how they could have improved on the animated Chuck Jones original. But if I had to imagine trying to make an improvement, it wouldn’t have involved Jim Carey. As for _Get Carter_, in the original a major point of the film was that Jack Carter as played by Michael Caine was every bit as evil as anyone he was fighting. Caine’s Carter was a complete bastard. As I said, I haven’t seen the remake, but I’d be willing to bet that the character was completely reworked before Sylvester Stallone agreed to play Carter. You know, to make him a cold-blooded killer the audience would sympathize with. ---
**Author:** ![Kirkland1244](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kirkland1244](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kirkland1244)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/11 "2002-04-25T05:34:29Z")
The remake of _The Blob_ was rather horrendous. ---
**Author:** ![Vorae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@Vorae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vorae)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/12 "2002-04-25T06:03:39Z")
And can anyone tell me why _Insomnia_ is being remade? Christopher Nolan has all my respect, as does Pacino (Williams…well, he’s hit-and-miss-miss-miss), but as far as I can tell, the original was not begging for a remake (especially so soon after its release). _Vanilla Sky_ struck me as unnecessary, as well (though I could be a little biased there). ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/13 "2002-04-25T06:16:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Since you mentioned KING KONG, I thought I’d throw in the awful remake of GODZILLA – a good pop culture metaphor turned into a derivative dumbass movie. Which is, itself, a pop culture metaphor. How postmodern. > [@](#): > > The remake of The Blob was rather horrendous. It was bad, but it wasn’t as bad as the original. “Look! The blob is consuming a postcard of a diner! Run for your lives!” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/14 "2002-04-25T06:26:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HubZilla \* > The most recent Japanese Godzilla (Godzilla-Mothra-King Ghidorah: Daikaiju Shoshingecki) movie even took potshots at the idea that “Godzilla” attacked New York. Don’t forget **Godzilla 2000,** which was a not-very-subtle slam on Dean Devlin, Roland Emerich, and their one-hit wonder _Independence Day._ Godzilla (the real one) would wipe Tokyo with GINO inside of ten minutes. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/15 "2002-04-25T13:17:11Z")
I liked _Vanilla Sky_, but I haven’t seen the original Spanish movie yet to make a comparison. There are two remakes currently in planning or production that I’d like to mention: Somebody is remaking the great _The Incredible Shrinking Man_. Now if they had a script as good as Richard Matheson’s original adaptation of his novel, with modern special effects it could be (like the original) an involving, exciting drama with a moving, philosophical ending. But I understand it’s being remade as a \*_comedy_. Why, for Christ’s sake? And this one really hurts. Another Richard Matheson novel, one of my favorites, is _I am Legend_. It’s been filmed twice, as _The Last Man on Earth_ with Vincent Price, and _The Omega Man_ with Charleton Heston, neither of which quite lived up to the novel. I’ve sometimes wished it would be remade, but not like this – it’s been greenlighted to star **Will Smith** and be “directed” (quotes intentional) by… it’s hard to even type this… **Michael Bay**. The same talentless crapmeister who brought us _Armageddon_ and _Pearl Harbor_. God damn it. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/16 "2002-04-25T13:18:19Z")
Does the edit feature not work anymore? Sorry about the bad coding in that last post. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/17 "2002-04-25T13:29:39Z")
I cannot believe George Sluizer’s remake of his own film **The Vanishing** hasn’t been mentioned. Reversing the ending was the biggest cop-out ever committed. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/18 "2002-04-25T13:32:25Z")
_Last Man Standing_ - gangsters in a Mexican bordertown remake of _Yojimbo_ with Bruce Willis. Give me a fucking break. I’d like to see another film version of _I Am Legend_; but not with Will Smith. Vin Diesel, Ving Rames, Kurt Russell, Jean Reno, or Lawrence Fishburne; but not Will Smith. Hell, Kevin Bacon would be better. At least then you could work in some kind of bad Six Degrees of the Last Man on Earth joke… ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/19 "2002-04-25T13:44:31Z")
Not quite classics, but the utterly pointless remakes of _Rollerball_ ( stylish, if violent film with James Caan remade as a joke of a mindless action film ) and _Gloria_ ( Gena Rowlands Oscar-nominated performance in the original Cassavetes picture replaced by Sharon Stone? ) never made a bit of sense to me. - Tamerlane ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460/20 "2002-04-25T13:50:00Z")
Good lord, there HAVE been some real horrors mentioned here. I vote for the ghastly 1989 TV remake of the classic 1933 “Dinner at Eight.” Each role was cast with someone as inappropriate as possible, and the original script was gone over with a fine-toothed comb to eliminate any trace of wit or pathos. They even cut the classic closing scene! As for the remake of “Lost in Space” . . . They just DIDN’T GET IT. The TV show was charming because it was cheesy and goofy and essentially a parody of the po-faced “Star Trek.” I thought the filmmakers should have cast Paul Reubens as Dr. Smith, he’d have been perfect. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-appalling-remake/105460.md?page=2)