# The most awkward Jesus painting is ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040 "2013-10-23T16:58:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/41 "2013-10-24T17:39:44Z")
[Here’s a disturbing one](http://www.thecollectionshop.com/Image_Resize_Merge_images.asp?MiscImage=NLion). I know it’s supposed to be comforting, what with the lion lying down with the lamb, but really it’s terrifying. The adults in the background are charging forwards, screaming “My babies! That lion is going to eat my babies! Dear god in heaven please what is that lunatic doing to my babies!” And the lion does look a bit peckish. Run away, kids, run! > [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](#): > > [Over The Top Jesus](http://fantasy-backgrounds-wallpapers.com/jesus-versus-devil) I’m glad that this one has the explanation, because I was confused: “Jesus is on the white good side and the devil on the evil red side.” I was sure the red one was the good Jesus! How are you supposed to tell?! ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/42 "2013-10-24T18:18:03Z")
I’d love to see “Jesus Eating M&M’s” ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/43 "2013-10-24T18:20:53Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > [Here’s a disturbing one](http://www.thecollectionshop.com/Image_Resize_Merge_images.asp?MiscImage=NLion). I know it’s supposed to be comforting, what with the lion lying down with the lamb, but really it’s terrifying. The adults in the background are charging forwards, screaming “My babies! That lion is going to eat my babies! Dear god in heaven please what is that lunatic doing to my babies!” > > And the lion does look a bit peckish. > > Run away, kids, run! And there’s that same giraffe as the Adam and Eve painting. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/44 "2013-10-24T18:26:29Z")
It’s disturbing that Big J is only ever shown in two outfits: the loincloth crucifix version and the plain white robe with rope belt. It’s like the artist is incapable of thinking about Him in any other terms. Or thinks that of us. “Maybe I should should portray Jesus in a business suit like all the other business guys. Nah, then it _somehow_ wouldn’t be JESUS.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/45 "2013-10-24T18:29:51Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > [Here’s a disturbing one](http://www.thecollectionshop.com/Image_Resize_Merge_images.asp?MiscImage=NLion). I know it’s supposed to be comforting, what with the lion lying down with the lamb, but really it’s terrifying. The adults in the background are charging forwards, screaming “My babies! That lion is going to eat my babies! Dear god in heaven please what is that lunatic doing to my babies!” > > And the lion does look a bit peckish. > > Run away, kids, run! Are you sure that’s not Aslan? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/46 "2013-10-24T18:29:55Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > [Here’s a disturbing one](http://www.thecollectionshop.com/Image_Resize_Merge_images.asp?MiscImage=NLion). I know it’s supposed to be comforting, what with the lion lying down with the lamb, but really it’s terrifying. The adults in the background are charging forwards, screaming “My babies! That lion is going to eat my babies! Dear god in heaven please what is that lunatic doing to my babies!” > > And the lion does look a bit peckish. > > Run away, kids, run! It’s one of the publicity pics from the Jesus/Aslan summit. They cropped out most of the Narnians. **Ninja’ed!** ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/47 "2013-10-24T21:22:38Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Are you sure that’s not Aslan? Oh, I’m sure it’s meant to be. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/48 "2013-10-24T22:22:14Z")
[Hulk Jesus](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m0ZgsAf2jvY/Tvd1kpxtYdI/AAAAAAAABDE/9mrZ0FwzWUM/s1600/muscular-jesus-breaking-cross.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/49 "2013-10-24T22:53:35Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > [Hulk Jesus](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m0ZgsAf2jvY/Tvd1kpxtYdI/AAAAAAAABDE/9mrZ0FwzWUM/s1600/muscular-jesus-breaking-cross.jpg) :rolleyes: Jesus… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/50 "2013-10-24T22:56:47Z")
“Don’t crucify me. You wouldn’t like me when I’m crucified.” ---
**Author:** ![Fubaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fubaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fubaya)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/51 "2013-10-25T01:02:44Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > For self-righteous obnoxiousness there’s [“One Nation Under God”](http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o161/idyllicmollusk/Onenation-1.png), portraying Jesus as America’s patron, personally delivering the Constitution. This is… amazing. I had to find a [larger version](http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewphoto/111714/One_Nation_Under_God/) just to soak in the detail. The people in the left foreground seem to be the Good People; a doctor, a Marine, a teacher, a woman with a child on her lap and a wedding ring on her finger (but on her right hand because her left hand is offering up her older son to Jesus), a farmer, a man holding a bible, a black man holding a copy of The Five Thousand Year Leap (oh my god what a nice touch!). Foreground right are Evil People. Some of them may be famous but I don’t recognize them. There’s a man counting a stack of money, a judge (weeping), a journalist (female too, she should be home making dinner instead of out doing evil, amirite?), a smug asshole, a cell phone talking asshole, a pregnant woman _without a ring on her finger_, a man holding Charles Darwin’s book over his heart with, literally, the spectre of death looking over his shoulder. I’m so hard right now. ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/52 "2013-10-25T01:16:56Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > [Junkie Jesus](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lg1uw3wGQo1qahirbo1_400.jpg#junkie%20jesus) > > Methadone for Methodists. Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/53 "2013-10-25T01:23:22Z")
> [@Fubaya](#): > > This is… amazing. I had to find a [larger version](http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewphoto/111714/One_Nation_Under_God/) just to soak in the detail. > > ,snip\> > > I’m so hard right now. I want to know why Jesus has the White Tree of Gondor on his chest? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/54 "2013-10-25T01:44:39Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > I want to know why Jesus has the White Tree of Gondor on his chest? He’s a Tolkien fan? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/55 "2013-10-25T01:49:58Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > It’s disturbing that Big J is only ever shown in two outfits: the loincloth crucifix version and the plain white robe with rope belt. It’s like the artist is incapable of thinking about Him in any other terms. Or thinks that of us. > “Maybe I should should portray Jesus in a business suit like all the other business guys. Nah, then it _somehow_ wouldn’t be JESUS.” Do we really want to go [there](http://www.theclause.org/collide/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/peter-the-fisherman.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/56 "2013-10-25T02:33:34Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > There’s always [Second Amendment Jesus.](http://badattitudes.com/MT/jesus-gun.jpg) Kirk: “What does God need with a handgun?” (he can smite with no constraint of time, place or scale) (or for that matter, with a constitution? He has already set down the entire arc of the universe so righteousness triumphs) ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/57 "2013-10-25T03:51:43Z")
> [@Charredcasm](#): > > Bow(wow) down and worship [Google Fu Master!](http://media.egotvonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/jesus-poker.jpg?41ed4f) That is awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_The_Heavy)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/58 "2013-10-25T10:14:49Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > It’s disturbing that Big J is only ever shown in two outfits: the loincloth crucifix version and the plain white robe with rope belt. It’s like the artist is incapable of thinking about Him in any other terms. Or thinks that of us. > “Maybe I should should portray Jesus in a business suit like all the other business guys. Nah, then it _somehow_ wouldn’t be JESUS.” He [does](http://johnshore.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/jtux.jpg) clean up [nicely](http://www.art4god.com/html/?go=product&id=lov). ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/59 "2013-10-25T12:15:03Z")
I like Tuxedo Jesus. He becomes Agent Double-O-Heaven: “Christ. Jesus Christ.” ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040/60 "2013-10-25T13:48:27Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > I want to know why Jesus has the White Tree of Gondor on his chest? Didn’t see these posted, so… Here’s the descriptive [version](http://jonmcnaughton.com/content/ZoomDetailPages/OneNationUnderGod.html) from the artist: Here’s a slightly different [version](http://www.shortpacked.com/McNaughton%20Fine%20Art.htm). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-awkward-jesus-painting-is/672040.md?page=4)