# The Most Base, Crude, Grossest Come-On You've Fielded **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489 "2009-03-31T20:20:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/21 "2009-04-01T00:19:02Z")
> [@newcrasher](#): > > My favorite line from back in the day was pretty foul. > > “Can I borrow your panties? I’m making soup.” … OK, I’m not even sure I understand this one. (Yeah, I’m dense sometimes.) She looks delicious? Like she’d taste like fish? What? ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/22 "2009-04-01T00:29:21Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > … OK, I’m not even sure I understand this one. (Yeah, I’m dense sometimes.) She looks delicious? Like she’d taste like fish? What? You are operating from the false premise that it made sense. ---
**Author:** ![Taipan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Taipan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taipan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/23 "2009-04-01T00:44:57Z")
A while back at a bar, I was talking with a “lesbian” acquaintance (I’m male) who was about 20 years my senior and no prize pig . After she subtly suggested we do something and I refused she said “Come on, just let me play with _it_”. Grossest thing ever. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/24 "2009-04-01T00:54:17Z")
I expect there will be more responses from women than men here. Anyway–at the end of the first week of college, there was a big party. A girl I had met in my one & only freshman-level class (I’d APed out of Comp, Calculus, & so forth) approached me drunkly and said she liked me because I was the biggest asshole in Intro to Humanities, and, incidentally, her own ass was small, tight, and available. Clearly I was lucky that it was not possible to test out of Intro to Humanities. That and alcohol made that night quite memorable. ETA: Now that I think on it, an older gay friend of mine once asked me if he could just look at my penis. Just look not touch. I said no, but probably should have said yes. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/25 "2009-04-01T01:14:01Z")
Circa 1988–all of 19 years old–I asked a girl to dance and led her to the dance floor. We chatted and danced I think two songs. Then a slow one came on and we stayed. While we did the weird swaying that passes for slow dancing in small town Alberta I leaned close to her ear and said, “I really like you. [long pause] You don’t sweat much, for a fat girl.” I thought the skinny minny would find it funny. She did not. She punched me in the belly, dropping me to the floor, and stormed off. Never tried _that_ one again! > [@newcrasher](#): > > “Can I borrow your panties? I’m making soup.” _That’s_ funny! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/26 "2009-04-01T01:46:17Z")
> [@newcrasher](#): > > You are operating from the false premise that it made sense. That explains much. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/27 "2009-04-01T15:07:09Z")
I was interviewing for a position as an assistant for real estate developer and he let me know that he needed assistance getting his dick sucked. I told him I appreciated him being so forthcoming, and I could tell this isn’t the job for me. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/28 "2009-04-01T15:20:10Z")
> [@JR\_Brown](#): > > In my later life I’ve come across a few guys who went for the non-verbal “grab something and squeeze” method of conversational opener, which is more vile and revolting than pretty much any pick-up line, and, judging from myself and those of my female friends with whom I have discussed the topic, has a 100% fail rate. Seriously. I have occasionally considered a thread to find out just how many women on this board have been fondled or molested by someone just because he thought he could. Ick. I remember when I was _really_ young, like 9 or 10 years old, someone called for my dad. When I answered, “He’s in the shower,” he replied, “Well, why don’t you get in there with him?” I have never understand what he gained by telling a little girl something like that. **belladonna’s** “penis waggling” story cracks me up. I can just see it. Men, your penis is not that hot, really. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/29 "2009-04-01T15:31:24Z")
I was in the Navy and in my twenties, and I was dancing with a girl in a bar in Virginia Beach. Everything seemed to be going fine - then she whispered in my ear that she wanted me to come home with her and do the deed while her husband watched. She then indicated said husband, who was sitting at the bar. Guy flashed me a big thumbs up. I politely declined their kind offer. I hope they found what they were looking for from someone else. As for me, I just had a few more beers and went home. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/30 "2009-04-01T15:36:49Z")
The scene: 1981, Pasadena, California, on Colorado Blvd (before the gentrification). Homeless bum: “I’ll suck your dick for a dollar.” Smartass me: “Show me the dollar first.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/31 "2009-04-01T15:48:22Z")
When I was in my late teens, I was friends with a slightly older fellow whom I knew through my brother. He was gay and I was not but this didn’t bug me - we would often score pot together. He also knew everyone else in my circle of friends. However, he once did something which basically caused me to drop him. A bunch of my (male) friends were getting high at one fellow’s apartment, when I this guy shows up really stoned - and proceeds, basically, to try to solicit guys for sex in the most straightforward manner possible. No-one was interested - so he took down his pants and stroked himself, while the rest of us writhed in embarrasment. We were all so high, none of us could bring ourselves to tell him to stop - we all basically excused ourselves and left, including the guy whose apartment it was (who ironically enough was also gay, but who said, later, “I’d never fuck a guy capable of doing that”). ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/32 "2009-04-01T16:04:45Z")
I was in California on business with some other people from my office, one friend being a young woman who happened to be cute, blonde, and newly married. We all went out to a bar after dinner, and not long after arriving a guy who apparently thought very highly of himself and was noticeable half in the bag, approached this young friend of mine, the following exhange ensued: Drunk guy: "Man, you’re cute. Where you from? Cute friend: “Florida.” Drunk guy: “Can I buy you a drink?” Cute friend: “I’m sorry; I’m married.” (holds up finger to show ring) Drunk guy: “Haven’t you ever heard of the 50 mile rule?” Cute friend: “Uhhhh…no.” Drunk guy: “If you’re more than 50 miles from your husband or wife, you’re not married.” She just stared at him, and then put her middle finger right in front of his nose. He walked away after that, to a group of laughing friends. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/33 "2009-04-01T16:18:23Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Although the reason for this posting was that I remembered, apropos of nothing, standing in a bar about twenty years ago, and this absolutely wasted girl flung her arms around me and said slurrily, “I bet you have an enormous shlong.” What’s a slong? ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_Doubt)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/34 "2009-04-01T16:19:00Z")
> [@Atomic\_Mama](#): > > I live in Anchorage, in a “bad” neighborhood. (The rent is low.) The road is/has been full of 'ho’s. > > I was walking past the bus stop on my way home, in daylight, when this very drunk guy looked at me and asked, “You … working?” > > WTF! I’m 59YO!!! Same city here, late 90s. Walking down Muldoon (I loved to go for walks) a G.I. sitting in a car says “how about a blow job?”. I just recoiled a bit in shock and kept walking. Should have advised him to go down to 2nd avenue. Kind of surprised at my reaction, I was the part-ay girl then. Ahh, good times, a huge surplus of men, you could play not only the field, but the parking lot too… ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/35 "2009-04-01T16:19:16Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Seriously. I have occasionally considered a thread to find out just how many women on this board have been fondled or molested by someone just because he thought he could. Ick. > > I remember when I was _really_ young, like 9 or 10 years old, someone called for my dad. When I answered, “He’s in the shower,” he replied, “Well, why don’t you get in there with him?” I have never understand what he gained by telling a little girl something like that. > > **belladonna’s** “penis waggling” story cracks me up. I can just see it. Men, your penis is not that hot, really. Been verbally assaulted, been groped in various physical locations on my body ranging from a tit grab through a jackass actually trying to get into my bathing suit bottom, been followed half a block home from the beach by guys insisting i was a ho, and trying to get me to do them, all the way through an attempted date rape, through a successful rape by a stranger that did not end well for him. Add that to your dataset. [though in the right situations and with the right person penises are fun to look and play with 😃] ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/36 "2009-04-01T16:33:05Z")
When I was in my early 20s a good friend and I were shooting pool in a neighborhood bar that was also a great pickup joint. There was a girl in there one night, quite pretty but quite obviously afflicted with The Crazy. As we finished up our game and readied our empties to take up to the bar before heading out for the evening, the girl walked up and said, “One of you two will be the father of my unborn child. Which is it going to be?” We both pointed at each other, said, “Him!” and then beat a hasty retreat. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/37 "2009-04-01T16:51:45Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > The scene: 1981, Pasadena, California, on Colorado Blvd (before the gentrification). > > Homeless bum: “I’ll suck your dick for a dollar.” > Smartass me: “Show me the dollar first.” 😃 This reminds me of a favorite story, which I know I have told before. I was working at a social service agency in DC and was walking down North Capitol. A homeless man starts walking in step with me: Him: “Can I ask you a question?” Me: “Not if it has to do with money.” Him: “No, it doesn’t. Can I make love with you?” Me: “No!” Him: “Why? I don’t have AIDS or anything.” Me: “Nah.” Him: “Well, then can I have a quarter?” ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/38 "2009-04-01T17:23:23Z")
A friend and I were hanging out in Washington Square Park one nice afternoon. We were watching this guy approach women, one after another, say a few words, and walk away. It went on for about 15 minutes. Finally my friend got real curious and went up to him and asked him what he was doing. According to this guy, all he had to do is go up to every woman he saw and say “wanna fuck?” Although 90+ percent responded negatively, “I have never had to do this more than an hour before someone would say ‘yes.’” Maybe that’s just NYC… ymmv. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/39 "2009-04-01T17:45:36Z")
In college years ago a casual friend was worrying about taking the GRE tests. She was especially worried about the math section. I told her that if she needed any help, I’d be willing to help her out (I was an engineering student and algebra was a cake-walk). She was pleased with my offer of help and suggested that if I could help her get a good score on the GRE, she’d suck me “until I cum blood”. Umm… OK, then… Not exactly a come-on but as close as I get. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/40 "2009-04-01T17:51:00Z")
Driving taxi in a small town, one of the bars calls me to pick up a young lady who is rather the worse for wear. I pick her up, get her home (without her vomiting in the taxi, which she did on a later trip), and she suddenly announces, “Ohhhhhhh, I don’t have any cash. How about a beer and a blowjob?” I countered with, “How about you just owe me the $4?” She thinks it over and says, “Yeah, that’s good. I think I’m out of beer, anyway!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489.md?page=3)