# The Most Base, Crude, Grossest Come-On You've Fielded **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489 "2009-03-31T20:20:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/81 "2009-04-03T12:28:04Z")
In Jamaica for a wedding, about 20 of us. Our first night there, about four hours after we checked in. It was at a dance club at the exclusive resort that we were staying at. A very attractive woman (Jamaican gal) enters the place by herself and a few of us noticed her right away, she was pretty hot. She ends up dancing to most of the songs sort of mingling with us, yet keeping her distance. At one point, after making eye contact with me several times, she comes over to the bar, lights a smoke and says, “How 'bout if I take you up to your room and fuck your brains out.” I say (and this is the honest truth), “I think it’ll be _ME_ fucking _YOUR_ brains out, honey.” And the rest, shall we say, is history. She did try to wrangle another guy along for a threesome before we left for the room but the guy (I didn’t know him) declined. More for me! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/82 "2009-04-03T13:30:16Z")
Back in college, I was living in a roach motel apartment and got a knock on my door. It was some asian dude wanting to sell me artwork or something. He was every bit the stereotype, with the large round glasses and buck teeth and choppy-chop style of talking. I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, but I could of swore he said “You buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?” I said no thanks, not interested, thinking he couldn’t have said what I thought he said. He wouldn’t give up though. He held up another picture and said “OK, you buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?” I said “Why don’t you try the apartments across the street?” He said “They tell me to come here! Buy this one and I suckee your dick, OK?” I slowly closed the door on him and locked it. To this day I can’t think if he actually meant something else than “I suckee your dick OK?” ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/83 "2009-04-03T15:37:03Z")
> [@Rich\_Mann](#): > > She said, proudly, “Yeah! My grandfather taught me how when I was nine!”, as if this was a perfectly normal thing to say. Wow. I ju… I think… she … Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/84 "2009-04-03T15:59:42Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Back in college, I was living in a roach motel apartment and got a knock on my door. It was some asian dude wanting to sell me artwork or something. He was every bit the stereotype, with the large round glasses and buck teeth and choppy-chop style of talking. I couldn’t really understand what he was saying, but I could of swore he said “You buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?” > > I said no thanks, not interested, thinking he couldn’t have said what I thought he said. He wouldn’t give up though. He held up another picture and said “OK, you buy this painting and I suckee your dick, OK?” I said “Why don’t you try the apartments across the street?” He said “They tell me to come here! Buy this one and I suckee your dick, OK?” I slowly closed the door on him and locked it. > > To this day I can’t think if he actually meant something else than “I suckee your dick OK?” [In Chinese, first Chinese dude to his buddy] “Hey man, you have lived here for years and speak English - how should I politely greet English customers for my original artwork?” [Buddy, who is a bit of an asshole] "Well, the most polite greeting is to say the following after each sentence - please memorize this phrase … " ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/85 "2009-04-03T16:08:14Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > Man: the very uncomfortable place alluded to in Mallrats (located in the rear, but thankfully protected by clothing for this encounter, which did not prevent a mega mega mega wedgie.) Drunk people often embrace each other even if they don’t know each other: they don’t often stick their fingers suddenly in places they dont normally stick them in public and it’s only a foot or so away from a normal drunk embrace (which I wasn’t particularly looking forward to one way or another anyway even though I _thought_ I knew what was coming since she was so obviously drunk and acting out but I’m not going to push a woman away for either.) Oh, thank you, that makes so much more sense. Through the clothes, yes. I haven’t seen Mallrats. KtK, why does it depress you? Because of how bold people are? Slightly off topic but the story that most depresses me around here is…some Doper posted a story of how his friend was dating this girl. Anyway, they were sitting around somewhere, talking about the new girl, who was there, and the friend said something like, “she’s really hot - you wanna see?” and proceeded to lift up the girl’s blouse and flash her tit to her boyfriend’s friend, with no prior consultation or any indication that it was OK. I guess she just laughed kind of uncomfortably. Some stories stick with you. Occasionally I think about this girl, who is a member of a third-party story, and whom I will never meet, and wonder who she is doing. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/86 "2009-04-03T16:34:37Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > [In Chinese, first Chinese dude to his buddy] “Hey man, you have lived here for years and speak English - how should I politely greet English customers for my original artwork?” > > [Buddy, who is a bit of an asshole] "Well, the most polite greeting is to say the following after each sentence - please memorize this phrase … " That had to be it…the guy seemed so clueless, but you can never tell. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/87 "2009-04-03T16:46:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Some stories stick with you. Occasionally I think about this girl, who is a member of a third-party story, and whom I will never meet, and **wonder who she is doing.** [emphasis added] Erm, hopefully not that guy, anymore. Classic typo, though. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/88 "2009-04-03T16:50:02Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > [emphasis added] > > Erm, hopefully not that guy, anymore. Classic typo, though. Whoa. Seriously. And really I wasn’t thinking of that at all. “Who” and “How” are fairly close together in spelling…but yeah, that’s a great typo. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/89 "2009-04-03T17:10:50Z")
I don’t have any that were directed specifically at me. Weirdest I’ve ever had was a group of five very drunk obviously college-age chicks across the street from me at 2:30AM when I was in college, who were yelling the same thing at every guy who passed: “Hey, Sarah’s _pointing at the central member of their little coterie_ never had an uncut dick and she has to tonight. Are you circumcised?” I just kept walking, although at least one wag yelled back, from a balcony, “If she’s never had one how will she know if I’m lyin’?” ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/90 "2009-04-03T17:18:04Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Whoa. Seriously. And really I wasn’t thinking of that at all. “Who” and “How” are fairly close together in spelling…but yeah, that’s a great typo. EPIC typo.😃 I’m soooo glad I don’t have an anecdote…oh, wait, I do. When I was was young and single, an older co-worker who had just bought a house “jokingly” invited me over to his house to help him with some “plumbing” problems in the crawlspace under his house. He off-handedly mentioned that the lack of clearance in the crawlspace meant I wouldn’t have to worry about any deep strokes…:o ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/91 "2009-04-03T17:42:45Z")
> [@Rich Mann](#): > > She said, proudly, “Yeah! My grandfather taught me how when I was nine!”, as if this was a perfectly normal thing to say. And the next line is “And he says I am much better at it than my father!” I was on the elevator at the department store where I was working at the time. An older, but respectably dressed gentleman gets on. We are the only two on the elevator. The doors close. He says, “You look like a football player. Wanna blowjob?” Me: “Ah - no thank you.” My mother taught me well to be polite. Perhaps too well. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/92 "2009-04-03T18:37:26Z")
I wonder what you would have been offered if you had looked like, say, a hockey player? Or a chess player? ---
**Author:** ![Umbriel2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/4af34b/32.png) [@Umbriel2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Umbriel2)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/93 "2009-04-03T18:49:30Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > KtK, why does it depress you? Because of how bold people are? Not the boldness in itself, I suspect, but rather that, like me, **Knead** is bummed at never having been the recipient of a pick-up line. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/94 "2009-04-03T18:59:43Z")
> [@Uncommon\_Sense](#): > > In Jamaica for a wedding, about 20 of us. Our first night there, about four hours after we checked in. It was at a dance club at the exclusive resort that we were staying at. A very attractive woman (Jamaican gal) enters the place by herself and a few of us noticed her right away, she was pretty hot. She ends up dancing to most of the songs sort of mingling with us, yet keeping her distance. At one point, after making eye contact with me several times, she comes over to the bar, lights a smoke and says, “How 'bout if I take you up to your room and fuck your brains out.” > I say (and this is the honest truth), “I think it’ll be _ME_ fucking _YOUR_ brains out, honey.” > And the rest, shall we say, is history. > She did try to wrangle another guy along for a threesome before we left for the room but the guy (I didn’t know him) declined. More for me! So the one with the dick is the only one doing the fucking? I guess the person without the dick is just a receptacle, then. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/95 "2009-04-03T19:01:39Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Wow. > > I ju… I think… she … > > Wow. Somebody call a doctor. Or a mason. **Bricker’s** been broken. In other words, be careful what you ask for. You might get it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/96 "2009-04-03T19:03:56Z")
> [@Moscow\_Discow](#): > > Not exactly what the OP was looking for, but once a girl in a bar in China grabbed my junk with absolutely no provocation or warning. Being gay, this was not as effective a come-on as it could’ve been. Somebody has to say it: That’s a dangling modifier. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/97 "2009-04-03T19:05:19Z")
I was at Fantasy Fest in Key West when a gay guy approached me and explained how he liked portly gentlemen. All I could think of is how far down the sexual sexual food chain I had fallen. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/98 "2009-04-03T19:06:32Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > OK, let’s wallow in the mud. We’ve all heard pick-up lines from corny to crude… what’s the absolute worst? Not the most ineffectual – what’s the most vile, base, crude line that’s been used on you? (I guess I’ll add “…or in your presence…”) to widen the playing field. > > Although the reason for this posting was that I remembered, apropos of nothing, standing in a bar about twenty years ago, and this absolutely wasted girl flung her arms around me and said slurrily, “I bet you have an enormous shlong.” > > Pure poetry, that was. I will direct you to a website that has crude, vile, base lines, as well as extremely ineffectual ones. It is NOT safe for work. It usually has some sort of picture in each entry. If the picture is of a cuddly kitten or fuzzy duckling, then the post is going to be particularly obnoxious. Don’t say you weren’t warned. For added safety, I will break the link. > **[Why Women Hate Men - The Blog](http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/)** > > Actual internet personal ads posted on public dating boards by men who have absolutely no clue how to attract a woman. With immature, inappropriate commentary completely satirical in nature. > Please send ideas, submissions and personal ads to... ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/99 "2009-04-03T19:07:20Z")
Thirty seconds after meeting me, a girl asked, “How’s your love life?” I told her it was pretty much nonexistent (as it was at the time). She said, “Why, did your dick fall off?” I had nothing to do with her after that. (Except for having sex with her a few times. We hung out for a while.) ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489/100 "2009-04-03T19:07:23Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > So the one with the dick is the only one doing the fucking? I guess the person without the dick is just a receptacle, then. I don’t think that’s what he meant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-base-crude-grossest-come-on-youve-fielded/491489.md?page=6)