# The most COMPETANT groups of evil minions? (In movies, 'natch) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 25, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824 "2003-07-25T07:16:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/1 "2003-07-25T07:16:06Z")
Possible **SPOILERS** , of course. Inspired by [this thread, which outlines some of the many failings of the Imperial Military of Star Wars,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=199858) I’m inclined to ask…in movies and TV, which groups of evil minions/hordes/stormtroopers/henchmen have shown basic _competance?_ And remember, these are the _nameless minions_, not henchmen, trusted lieutenants, or main villains. And, this may skew things somewhat, but…anime counts. The only guys I can really think of are…_ahem_, **Skeletor’s Army** , from the classic of western cinema, _Masters of the Universe_. No, really, hear me out…In an odd turnabout from supervillain protocol, Skeletor sends his specially-picked band of hired goons after Dolph Lundgren’s He-Man, rather than sending in the minions first. When the goons (unsurprisingly) fail to capture Dolph, _then_ Skesy sends in the regular infantry. And it _works._ Granted, it took an entire _battalion_ of combined-arms troops, and a little creative hostage taking on bonesy’s part…but, by god, the ground-pounders succeeded where the henchmen failed. Moreover, during a few laser-battles, even a casual observer will notice that more than a few times, when Skeletor’s troops get hit by laser fire, the blasts flash up against their full-body plastic body armor…but the minion inside keeps fighting. Some people might say that that’s evidence of a lazy optical-printer operator over at Lucasfilm, but _I_ say…_these_ “stormtroopers” wear armor that _actually protects against laser fire._ A technological innovation currently unmatched by the evil hordes of any other movie supervillain, as far as I know. So, fellow dopers, I ask you…are there many (or “any”) other hordes of minions that you can count on to NOT be slaughtered like cattle? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/2 "2003-07-25T07:33:19Z")
Do the aliens in _Aliens_ count? What about the bugs in _Starship Troopers_? Odd that I can think of any humanoid villains that were worth a damn in a fight. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/3 "2003-07-25T07:36:02Z")
I hereby submit that Jango Fett was extremely self-concious. See, the Empire managed to oppress entire civilizations and spanned most of the old Republic in its iron grip. However, in all the movies the stormtroopers (who we realize in Ep2 are all clones of Jango Fett) have the aim of a drunken Jawa. Clearly, the fact that the camera is turned on them makes them flinchy, thus ruining their aim. All the Rebellion needed was embedded reporters and the Empire would have fallen in a week. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/4 "2003-07-25T07:48:12Z")
I don’t know if _Starship Troopers_ counts, because the titular “heroes” are incompetent enough for an entire galaxy of Stormtroopers. Plus, anyone of the CGI bugs has more charisma and acting ability than the entire human cast put together. Once you figure in the fact that virtually all sf movies are named after the villain/monster of the movie, and it becomes clear that the bugs are actually the heros of _Starship Troopers_, and that the ending is actually meant to be a big downer. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/5 "2003-07-25T08:07:06Z")
> [@](#): > > However, in all the movies the stormtroopers (who we realize in Ep2 are all clones of Jango Fett If they’re all clones, then why are they not all of the same height? And why do they all have different voices? Just a nitpick… ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/6 "2003-07-25T08:11:52Z")
I’m going to say Captain Barbossa’s crew in Pirates of the Caribbean. Hear me out. Spoilers follow. They make one major mistake: They grab the wrong person in the raid. But! They take the Pearl away from Captain Sparrow. They manage to find Cortez’s gold. They manage to sail the seas and terrorize enough to maintain the Pearl’s reputation and amass quite a collection of booty. They manage to round up every last bit of cursed gold. They manage to catch and sink the Interceptor and take the crew captive. If the curse hadn’t been lifted, they would’ve easily beaten the British and taken their ship. I maintain any failure was due to Barbossa’s incompetent leadership. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/7 "2003-07-25T08:15:34Z")
The Uruk Hai. ---
**Author:** ![Antonius\_Block](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Antonius\_Block](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antonius_Block)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/8 "2003-07-25T09:50:37Z")
Didn’t the Winged Monkeys of **The Wizard of Oz** do a fairly good hench-simian job, up until the point that Dorothy liquidated the Witch? ---
**Author:** ![BlackLabel1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BlackLabel1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackLabel1)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/9 "2003-07-25T11:24:29Z")
Just to correct the nitpick… Stormtroopers are NOT clones of Jango Fett. They are in fact normal people, but I wont spoil why 😉 Oh and im with the Uruk Hai from LOTR. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/10 "2003-07-25T13:12:09Z")
Ninjas tend to be a good many cuts above the typical stooge. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/11 "2003-07-25T13:18:40Z")
Destro’s _Iron Grenadier_ Mercenary Troops are also very top-drawer stuff. Profiled here– [http://www.sgtsavage.com/irongrenadier.html](http://www.sgtsavage.com/irongrenadier.html) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/12 "2003-07-25T13:20:13Z")
Stripe’s Gremlin cohorts, I’d think. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/13 "2003-07-25T13:40:20Z")
Most of the evil henchmen in LOTR seem to do a pretty good job. They probably would have run the table with a few more brakes or witout the active intervention of the Elves. Funny thing on the stormtroopers is they did kick some serious robot butt in AOTC. Heck in Star Wars, they did pretty decent (except where Solo and Skywalker were concerned). And don’t forget the through butt kicking they delivered on Hoth either. Although, one wonder what possible reason the stromtroopers went from really effective to not quite as effective other then the fact that Lucas is making it up as he goes along. The Shadows had some pretty good henchmen in B5. They managed to take over Earth Gov and other majot governments. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/14 "2003-07-25T13:51:44Z")
I’d say that Boba Fett was pretty up to snuff, at least up until his Sarlacian demise in that hug-fest _Return of the Jedi_. Of course, all he really did was nod to Vader a couple times and exhibit his proficiency at pushing a frozen Han Solo up a cargo ramp… ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/15 "2003-07-25T14:07:16Z")
S. M. Stirling’s Draka are a pretty competent crew – they WON after all. And after they took over the solar system, they genetically engineered themselves into even nastier nastiness. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/16 "2003-07-25T14:20:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Didn’t the Winged Monkeys of The Wizard of Oz do a fairly good hench-simian job, up until the point that Dorothy liquidated the Witch? Heh. They were the first ones I thought of when I read the thread title. Did what they were told, got the job done, no muss, no fuss. Could use a few winged monkeys at the outfit I work for. ---
**Author:** ![Spoonbender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spoonbender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoonbender)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/17 "2003-07-25T14:50:17Z")
I was always impressed by the competence of the terrorist henchmen in the original _Die Hard_. Successfully got into the building, took the hostages, fended off the LAPD and opened the safe without a hitch. If it hadn’t been for John McClane… ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/18 "2003-07-25T15:51:29Z")
I guess you could consider the Jem H’adar (I’m not a big fan, so I don’t know the proper spelling) and the Breen from _Deep Space 9_. I mean, they were working for the Changelings and managed to do some real damage in virtually every encounter (first encounter with the J’s, they destroyed a Federation Cap ship with a few small attack ships, and the Breen’s ion beams managed to take out the fleet that first attempted to take them down). ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/19 "2003-07-25T17:14:53Z")
The various tribe members in _Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death_ were competent _and_ hot, and thus role models for modern career women everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824/20 "2003-07-25T17:58:44Z")
Those nameless guys that followed Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid for so long. Wouldn’t want 'em on MY trail. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-competant-groups-of-evil-minions-in-movies-natch/190824.md?page=2)