# The most memorable episode that never existed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 1, 2017, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077 "2017-03-01T00:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TYphoonSignal8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@TYphoonSignal8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TYphoonSignal8)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/21 "2017-03-01T08:56:57Z")
\*Hogan’s Heroes. \* 1947. Colonel Klink was arrested on a ship leaving Amsterdam, and has been sent to Nuremburg. He is being prosecuted for war crimes. Hogan and the gang dig a tunnel into his cell and rescue him. “I always knew what you were up to, but you I was secretly in love with you,” says Klink to Hogan. They move to Rio together. Fraulein Hilda is heartbroken, but LeBeau is there for her at the end. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/22 "2017-03-01T09:04:25Z")
**HOGAN’S HEROES** Klink is finally recognized by his superiors for maintaining his stellar record of no escapes from Stalag 13, and given command of an entire complex … somewhere deep in Poland :eek: … and Hogan & Co tag along … of course! Hey, it’s a sitcom. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/23 "2017-03-01T13:40:22Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > The last episode of The Big Bang Theory: The episode opens with the gang gathered in the traditional living room set. Sheldon is holding forth, making some pedantic point, and as he always does, he says some outrageous, obnoxious things. Leonard says, “OK, that’s it for you!” and hits Sheldon in the nose. Upon seeing Sheldon with a bloody nose, the rest of the gang joins in, beating him mercilessly and relentlessly. Periodically, guest stars from the past drop by the apartment for a few hits and kicks, then leave. At one point, a glowing, ghostly Professor Proton in Jedi garb appears. Sheldon thinks he is saved, but Prof. Proton says that he has always hated him, makes a remark about Leonard and Penny still being together, then fades away. Sheldon collapses as the beating resumes. This continues for almost the entire run-time of the episode. > > In the last 2-3 min minutes, the picture fades out. The lights go up in the audience and the camera pulls back as the gang files out on-stage in front of the living room set, and Johnny Galecki & Katy Cuoco thank the viewing audience for their many years of support. A couple other members of the cast throw in a few words, then Jim Parsons also thanks the viewers nicely. The rest of the cast look at him, then start beating him relentlessly and without mercy. The audience laughs and applauds, the camera pulls back and the credits roll as the picture fades to black. I remember the ending differently. Jim Parsons thanks the viewers nicely. Then the entire audience gets up and beats him to a bloody pulp. The other cast members applaud. ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/24 "2017-03-01T13:55:57Z")
_Community_ had a “clip-show” episode where most of the clips were actually new footage rather than real earlier episodes. So they reminisce about the wild things they had done, including the trip to the old west town, and the time they were threatened by Mexican drug dealers, and when they stayed in a haunted house, plus the time they were all placed in a psych ward, and when they had to fill in because the entire glee club had been killed in a bus accident, etc. In many cases this left their fans wishing that the fictional episodes had actually existed. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/25 "2017-03-01T14:33:12Z")
I posted this a while back: Head of the Class scenerio for ending the show when Howard Hessman left: Arvid comes running into class. “There’s someone shooting a gun out there.” Mr. Moore: Everyone stay here, under your desks. I’ll see what’s going on. Moore goes out, there’s a student with a gun who fires, the bullet moves in slow motion and a voice says “Johnny…Johnny.” Cut to: Venus Flytrap standing over the couch where Dr. Johnny Fever is waking up. Johnny: Man, I just had the strangest dream. I was a teacher. Venus: You’re confused. I was the teacher. J: No, I was. You were a salesman, or running a restaurant or something. And living with a woman. And you had twin daughters. V: I don’t think so. J: And you also had a white dude for a son. Used to smoke reefer with his friends in the basement all the time V: That’s my boy! What about the rest of the staff? J: Let’s see…Jennifer was married to some guy with a bad toupee who ran a Florida dinner theatre. But they were getting a divorce. V: Who would divorce her? What about Bailey? J: She was married to some guy who wanted to divorce her to marry…Barbra Streisand. V: Oh, yeah, right. Like she’s ever going to get married again. And what about Arthur Carlsen? J: He was a washing machine repairman. And a child molester V: Speaking of reefer…you’ve done way too much. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/26 "2017-03-01T16:21:12Z")
A “director’s stash” _Odd Couple_ episode (not the recent iteration - call me close-minded but I don’t plan to watch it) has Murray moving in, changing the title of the series to The _Disgusting Congealing Shitshow Triple_ (because it’s technically the final episode, they figured - fuck it, who cares what we call it). Felix gets roped into newfangled “aerobics” classes with stunning ex-wife Gloria, allowing for her multiple appearances in basically anything tight. Ever-wary Dr. Melnitz gets a heart attack watching Gloria loosen and limber up as he’s doing the stethoscope thing on Oscar, who’s complaining he got something from the legendary Rhoda Zimmerman, who, prior to this episode, we’ve never seen before, and turns out to be Tura Santana. Maybe her and Gloria can get in a disagreement and start slapping and hair-grabbing, as Oscar sits back and smiles broadly at the spectacle, cigar in mouth. Felix fusses that they’re going to knock over the potted Bonzai while a just-woke-up Murray (in boxershorts and open bathrobe) stumbles in saying he how wishes that they would just shut the fuck up but heads to the kitchen anyway, opens the shutters and sets up a couple twixers on the counter, prompting everyone to mosey up to Murray like he’s a bartender. Have to figure how to work in Victor Buono as the Machiavellian landlord. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/27 "2017-03-01T16:31:08Z")
> [@Sherrerd](#): > > _Gilligan’s Island_: The Professor finally succeeds in repairing the boat, and they set off. Just as they’re within sight of Honolulu, Gilligan picks up an old unexploded WWII torpedo he’s brought along because he figures some museum will buy it from him and make his fortune. He drops it, and they’re all blown to smithereens. The Professor repairs the boat. Then Mary Ann and Ginger drug Gilligan. The next morning Gilligan wakes up to find himself alone on the island. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/28 "2017-03-01T16:39:41Z")
The Rockford Files: Jim and Beth fall in love and decide to tie the knot. But…on the big day they discover the best man (Angel) has pawned their rings, gone to Mexico, and left an apologetic message on the answering machine. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/29 "2017-03-01T16:42:19Z")
The Hallmark Special _The Berenstein Bears_. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/30 "2017-03-01T17:44:36Z")
Gomer Pyle, where he goes to Viet Nam, and he acts just as incompetent as he does back on base. But, his hick stupidity completely confounds the VC, and he captures an entire village of them. He is awarded the Navy Cross. Sgt Carter is apoplectic. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/31 "2017-03-01T17:49:45Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > “Say, whatever happened to Mayor Ziffel?” > “I don’t know. Nobody’s seen him since the Inauguration Day BBQ.” When TVLand had a Green Acres reunion some years back, they introduced Arnold and wheeled out a canned ham. **Leave It to Beaver** : A naked Wally and Mary Ellen Rogers are caught having sex in the back seat of Lumpy’s car. Ward turns out to be surprisingly understanding and tells the boys that June was pregnant when he married her. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/32 "2017-03-01T18:17:10Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Johnny: Man, I just had the strangest dream. I was a teacher. > Venus: You’re confused. I was the teacher. > J: No, I was. You were a salesman, or running a restaurant or something. And living with a woman. And you had twin daughters. > V: I don’t think so. > J: And you also had a white dude for a son. Used to smoke reefer with his friends in the basement all the time > V: That’s my boy! What about the rest of the staff? > J: Let’s see…Jennifer was married to some guy with a bad toupee who ran a Florida dinner theatre. But they were getting a divorce. > V: Who would divorce her? What about Bailey? > J: She was married to some guy who wanted to divorce her to marry…Barbra Streisand. > V: Oh, yeah, right. Like she’s ever going to get married again. And what about Arthur Carlsen? > J: He was a washing machine repairman. And a child molester > V: Speaking of reefer…you’ve done way too much. “And what about Andy? What was he doing?” “Apparently nothing.” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/33 "2017-03-01T18:18:15Z")
_Space: 1999_-the second or third episode where they all die of starvation, and the 50,000th episode where the moon crashes into another planet centuries later. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/34 "2017-03-01T18:20:27Z")
_House_: The hospital gets sued when a patients dies from an undiagnosed case of lupus. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/35 "2017-03-01T18:22:38Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > _Space: 1999_-the second or third episode where they all die of starvation, and the 50,000th episode where the moon crashes into another planet centuries later. And that planet is Venus. Because, seriously, the moon isn’t going to be traveling at light speed. ---
**Author:** ![WildBlueYonder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ce7236/32.png) [@WildBlueYonder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildBlueYonder)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/36 "2017-03-01T18:46:43Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > **Leave It to Beaver** : A naked Wally and Mary Ellen Rogers are caught having sex in the back seat of Lumpy’s car. Ward turns out to be surprisingly understanding and tells the boys that June was pregnant when he married her. The best so far, for me anyway! Oh the laughs I had reading that one!! I’m still laughing!! The Brady Bunch: The parents get divorced, Greg marries Alice, both Marcia and Jan are unmarried mothers, both babies are addicted to crack, Cindy loses her mind from the divorce and dresses as Shirley Temple permanently and is committed but not until after she gets a boat and christens it “The Good Ship Lollipop,” Peter goes bald and does hair growing commercials and finally Bobby, well Bobby, he lives in the dog house out back after the house is sold. Green Acres: Lisa murders Oliver and gets away with it. Collects his life insurance and builds a castle on the farm. Ends up marrying Eb. Has his children. ---
**Author:** ![mistymage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mistymage/32/459_2.png) [@mistymage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mistymage)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/37 "2017-03-01T19:37:51Z")
Bones: a badly decomposed body is found near one of the Federal parks under a tree’s roots. After stripping the bones of the remaining flesh the team can’t discover cause of death because it was a heart attack but did manage to ID the body via an arm rod with a serial number. Then the family sues the Jeffersonian for desecrating the body of their father who had been given a green burial 2 years earlier on the family’s land. A torrential rainfall had caused the hillside he was buried on to slide and expose the burial site. Trespassing hikers discovered the body and nobody checked the actual property lines. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/38 "2017-03-01T19:43:53Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > Katy Cuoco Kaley Cuoco. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/39 "2017-03-01T19:55:26Z")
Three’s Company the episode where Jack poses the question “Janet…Chrissy…who’s your daddy?” and Janet and Chrissy obligingly join in a threesome … _bow chicka bow bow_ ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2017, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/40 "2017-03-01T20:06:29Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I remember the ending differently. Jim Parsons thanks the viewers nicely. Then the entire audience gets up and beats him to a bloody pulp. The other cast members applaud. Nice twist. > [@Kimballkid](#): > > Kaley Cuoco. Geez, I sink the cross-court Cuoco, and miss the easy layup Kaley. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=3)