# The most memorable episode that never existed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 1, 2017, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077 "2017-03-01T00:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2017, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/81 "2017-03-04T02:02:54Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > They kept bringing in new girls, but the names always stayed the same. A dead giveaway. :o Well what happened to the girls is why I didn’t want to talk about the episode. Of course they were call girls, that’s not why it was an “adult episode”. And if you get mad at me again, I’m gonna mention what Uncle Joe does in the episode and _ **nobody** _ wants that:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/82 "2017-03-05T02:20:22Z")
In a black market VHS tape of _Sesame Street_, the ever elusive Snuffleupagus (well, _birrrrrd_) finally sticks around long enough for Big Bird to reveal to Mr. Hooper the great snouted enigma. Upon checking it out, Mr. Hooper’s like - “what the fuck is this shit? Some fucked, mutated, furry baby elephant shitting all over my storefront?! ‘Boird’, get this useless fuckstick outa my face - NOW!!!” Snuffy has a problem with this, and uses his snout as a firehose to deluge Hooper with green bile, then shits some more. Big Bird’s pissed, too, and starts kicking and stomping at the old shopkeeper until the pus-besmirched Hooper reaches for a nearby propane torch and aims it at both of them as they back off. “Come on, come on, you useless fucks…gangin up on an old timer, huh?” Hooper ditches the torch and brings out a 14-inch Bowie knife, slightly bent over, alternately waving the knife at them in small circles and tossing the weapon from hand to hand, like in those old gang movies. Not sure if I should elaborate considering this might not end well… ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/83 "2017-03-05T07:19:26Z")
**Dukes of Hazzard:** The boys accidentally strike Boss Hogg as he crosses the street. They are cleared of criminal responsibility, and Hogg recovers, but Daisy refuses to listen to them and marries Hogg and moves out of town with him. Humiliated, the “Dukes,” leave town, too, in the other direction. **Dallas:** Jock’s will is discovered. He leaves everything to Bobby and a daughter, and in the will tells J. R. to go to hell. **Frasier:** Bulldog meets Bebe, and they hit it off immediately. They get married in Las Vegas and move to Boston! Frasier marries Roz. **Perry Mason:** Perry is appointed presiding judge of the Los Angeles Court system. He marries Della. Hamilton Burger is disbarred. **Beverly Hillbillies:** Jed Clampett is named President of the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills. Milburn Drysdale is convicted on 20 counts of embezzlement, fraud, insider trading, and violation of employment laws, and faces 25 years in San Quentin. **Gilligan’s Island:** The Skipper reaches the limit of his patience; he bawls out The Professor for not designing a patch for the hull of The _Minnow._ The Professor relents and designs one, and repairs the radio so it will send messages. The castaways finally get off the island, for good. **Twilight Zone** (various episodes): \*\*\*William Shatner had the prudence to bring a Polaroid camera with him on the plane, and takes a few snapshots of Nick Cravat’s monster on the airplane wing. \*\*\*Billy Mumy suddenly comes down with measles, and his days of dominating the good citizens of Pleasantville are over. His father reemphasizes this by taking the kid out to the woodshed for a good whaling. \*\*\*The Kanamit book is fully translated before any Earth people actually board the spaceship. \*\*\*Telly Savalas is merely bewildered by Talky Tina and does not consider the doll to be an enemy. It does not speak to him. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/84 "2017-03-05T07:22:25Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > _Star Trek: TNG_: The entire crew takes turns beating the crap out of Wesley Crusher. What? The rest of the cast seemed to like Wil. And violence of that kind would be out of character for the show in any case. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/85 "2017-03-05T13:08:45Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > What? The rest of the cast seemed to like Wil. And violence of that kind would be out of character for the show in any case. Exactly! That’s what makes the space virus that causes all this so frustrating. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/86 "2017-03-05T15:10:16Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > What? The rest of the cast seemed to like Wil. And violence of that kind would be out of character for the show in any case. Seriously? Did you read ANYTHING in this thread, aside from the OP? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/87 "2017-03-05T18:19:44Z")
_ **Gilligan’s Island** _: “The Biggest Baby”. After Gilligan does something even stupider and more harmful than usual, the Skipper has such a fit of apoplexy that he suffers a stroke, causing him to revert to infantilism. He will only talk in two-syllable baby talk and refers to himself in the third person as “Baby”. He has to be diapered and fed coconut milk with an outsized improvised bottle, tasks which fall to Gilligan, whom the Skipper now calls “Mommy”. In a bid to cure the Skipper, the Professor rigs up a lightning-powered electroshock therapy apparatus- which naturally Gilligan manages to screw up, subjecting the Skipper to lobotomizing levels of shock. But it works! When the Skipper regains consciousness he’s almost completely normal- except, quote the Professor: “he may have trouble controlling strongly felt emotions”. I.E. the very sight of Gilligan now causes the Skipper to fly into an amok psychotic rage. The episode ends with Gilligan running for his life as the Skipper chases him, in fast motion, around the perimeter of the island at supersonic speed. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2017, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/88 "2017-03-05T22:47:54Z")
[_Me and the Chimp_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcjCAV0atUA): Season 10, Series Finale The Reynolds return home from Wee Woos chinese restaurant stuffed to the gills with moo goo gai pan and pork fried rice. The now ill-tempered, aging Chimp, seeing that his family neglected to bring back a doggie bag for him, rips the faces off Mike and Scott, disembowels Kitty and copulates with Liz. [Fade-out with the two of them, doggie-style, having a happy ending]. Spinoff: _Liz and the Humanzee_ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/89 "2017-03-07T16:19:22Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > Well what happened to the girls is why I didn’t want to talk about the episode. Of course they were call girls, that’s not why it was an “adult episode”. And if you get mad at me again, I’m gonna mention what Uncle Joe does in the episode and _ **nobody** _ wants that:eek: Joined the girls for a “swim” in the water tank? 🆒 The name of the nearest town (“Hooterville”) should have been another tip-off as to what went on at the \*\*Shady \*\*Rest. :o ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/90 "2017-03-07T16:20:45Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > That lost Star Trek Voyager episode where Janeway has sex with Seven of Nine. For-real, or just in a Holodeck simulation? :dubious: 😕😉 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/91 "2017-03-07T16:55:58Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > _Seinfeld_: Kramer is discovered to be a cannibalistic serial killer when Newman’s carcass is discovered in his freezer. In the same episode, Jerry and George realize that there really isn’t anything “wrong with that,” and finally consummate their bromance. Elaine gets tired of dating a succession of losers. Deciding to marry for money, she becomes the next Mrs. Steinbrenner. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/92 "2017-03-07T16:58:00Z")
ST:TNG: The episode where, when Starfleet finds out that [Picard had a chance to destroy the Federation’s mortal enemy and passed it up because it just seemed mean](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I,_Borg), he is tried and executed for treason. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/93 "2017-03-07T18:18:27Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > _Space: 1999_-the second or third episode where they all die of starvation, and the 50,000th episode where the moon crashes into another planet centuries later. Yeah, that 50,000th episode was great! The ones between the third and that one though were pretty boring. I rarely rewatch them. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/94 "2017-03-07T19:00:12Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Gomer Pyle, where he goes to Viet Nam, and he acts just as incompetent as he does back on base. But, his hick stupidity completely confounds the VC, and he captures an entire village of them. He is awarded the Navy Cross. Sgt Carter is apoplectic. Small spoiler… In the book, I believe he (not named Gomer, instead Will Stockdale) does indeed get the navy Cross along with his buddy. Kinda. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/95 "2017-03-08T01:52:26Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > That lost Star Trek Voyager episode where Janeway has sex with Seven of Nine. > [@terentii](#): > > For-real, or just in a Holodeck simulation? :dubious: 😕😉 No, an “alternate future” episode which gets reset by time travel at the end. 😛 Though actually that reminds me of a Voyager episode I wrote in my head years ago. Janeway has a dream- or vision?- of thirty-five years in the future. Voyager has made it halfway back to the Alpha Quadrant and is nearing the galactic core. In this future, getting back to the Alpha Quadrant has become Janeway’s white whale; after most of the crew voted to try to settle down somewhere in the Delta Quadrant, Janeway put down a mutiny and became a tyrant. Most of the original crew were executed, a few were implanted with mind control chips, and the children of the original crew are now operating the ship. Simmering resentment builds up to another mutiny attempt while investigating the black hole at the galaxy’s center, and ship and crew are lost- but not before a telepathic message is sent to the past. Janeway isn’t sure if was really a message or just a dream, but she’s disturbed by the idea that she could become that ruthless and obsessed. ---
**Author:** ![TYphoonSignal8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@TYphoonSignal8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TYphoonSignal8)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/96 "2017-03-08T03:52:59Z")
_The Dukes of Hazzard._ One day the mountain got 'em, but the law never did. _Dr Who._ The Doctor goes into his last incarnation. But this time, it is as a Dalek. The TARDIS goes into an emergency response and dumps the Dalek Doctor at the beginning of time on a barren proto-planet. Thus, he founds the Dalek Empire. \*Battlestar Galactica \*(original version). Earth kind of sucks, so the convoy of ships moves on. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/97 "2017-03-08T17:14:52Z")
The episode of _Diff’rent Strokes_ where Mr. Drummond sues the producers of _Webster_ for making a sitcom about his family without permission. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/98 "2017-03-08T17:52:10Z")
[Hitler and Göring continue regrouping](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herr_Meets_Hare) in the Schwartzwald, the Third Reich resurges and re-captures Europe, and forces the remaining Allies to sue for peace on terms favorable to the Axis. All because of Albuquerque. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/99 "2017-03-08T17:53:37Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Oh come on, we already know the ‘non-60’s’ explanation for that show. > > Three beautiful young women with no visible means of support living in a ‘boarding house’ run by an older woman and creepy ‘Uncle Joe’? At a stop on a railroad with no other businesses in sight? > > What did you think was going on? :dubious: > > I mean, the damned place is NAMED “Petticoat Junction”. They couldn’t get more obvious in the 60’s. Oddly, this one actually makes sense. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/100 "2017-03-08T20:29:58Z")
> [@TYphoonSignal8](#): > > _The Dukes of Hazzard._ One day the mountain got 'em, but the law never did. I admit this one had me laughing out loud in my office. A lovely eleven-word plot summary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=6)