# The most memorable episode that never existed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 1, 2017, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077 "2017-03-01T00:25:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/101 "2017-03-08T22:30:36Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I admit this one had me laughing out loud in my office. A lovely eleven-word plot summary. “The law they swore they’d get 'im but the Devil got 'im first.” --Robert Mitchum ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/102 "2017-03-08T23:20:00Z")
Get Smart. 99 is revealed as a Kaos Double Agent. Max denounces her to the Chief, who then admits he, also, is a Kaos agent. Agent 13 pops his head out of the filing cabinet and says ‘Me too’. Hymie is revealed to have been created in the Kaos Labs. Max realises he can’t fight them all, so he surrenders to to Siegfried. Siegfried then admits he was actually a US Government employee charged with setting up a phony enemy agency to create jobs for the spy industry and keep the population under control. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/103 "2017-03-08T23:49:25Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > In the same episode, Jerry and George realize that there really isn’t anything “wrong with that,” and finally consummate their bromance. Elaine gets tired of dating a succession of losers. Deciding to marry for money, she becomes the next Mrs. Steinbrenner. I loved that episode! My favorite part is when Jerry originally opens the freezer and says “Hello…Newman” in his usual sneering tone. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/104 "2017-03-09T00:56:41Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > Hymie is revealed to have been created in the Kaos Labs. I thought we knew that all along? :dubious: 😕 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/105 "2017-03-11T18:45:57Z")
**M_A_S\*H** One morning, Klinger finds Hawkeye and BJ still in their cots with their throats slashed by a surgical scalpel. The obvious murderer is Maj. Winchester, who stubbornly proclaims his innocence. Fortunately for Charles, his family has friends influential enough to have him eliminated as a suspect and finally transferred back to the States. Klinger is framed instead, convicted by a court martial, and sentenced to life in Leavenworth without possibility of parole. Just before boarding the transport in Tokyo, Winchester turns toward the audience and gives a smiling wink and nod. **FREEZE FRAME AND FADE OUT.** **ALTERNATIVE VERSION:** One morning, Radar finds Hawkeye and BJ still in their cots with their throats slashed by a surgical scalpel. The obvious murderer is Maj. Burns, who stubbornly proclaims his innocence. Fortunately for Frank, Hotlips compromises the man from the Army CID, who declares Maj. Burns is no longer a suspect. Radar is framed instead, convicted by a court martial, and sentenced to life in Leavenworth without possibility of parole. The last shot is Radar peering helplessly through his prison bars. **FREEZE FRAME AND FADE OUT.** ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/106 "2017-03-11T18:52:52Z")
**Even better:** The last shot is Radar peering helplessly through his prison bars and contemplating suicide. **FREEZE FRAME AND FADE OUT.** ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/107 "2017-03-20T03:36:57Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > _Everybody Loves Raymond_: Everyone agrees that the only thing Marie is good for is her cooking. So she’s confined for life in the kitchen, wearing an actual ball and chain. And a muzzle. Last night I had a dream about the episode of **Everybody Loves Raymond** were Marie died. Also Ray & Debra had converted a school bus into a motorhome for some reason. It didn’t appear to have anything to do with Marie’s death though. > [@installLSC](#): > > …Bewitched: Tired of Sam’s hectoring, Darren begins an affair with Gladys Kravitz. A humiliated Sam casts a spell that not only banishes them from town, but causes everybody in their neighborhood to forget they ever existed… Sam finally get’s outed as a witch, but everyone’s surprisingly nonplussed by it. Abner says “How 'about that Gladys? It looks like you weren’t seeing things after all”. The camera turns to Gladys who’s just sitting there staring into space & drooling with obvious lobotomy scars on her forehead. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/108 "2017-03-20T16:14:16Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > The episode of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE where our brainy hero – who’ll be disavowed if he’s captured – hears what his dangerous mission will be, if he chooses to accept it. > > _"Gonna have to pass on this one,_" he says, cheerfully, as the tape self-destructs. I was thinking of the episode of _MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE_ where Phelps goes in front of a Congressional investigatory committee and plays back the self-destructing messages from emergency-ass-covering copies he made with his own personal tape recorder. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/109 "2017-03-20T19:54:03Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > Last night I had a dream about the episode of **Everybody Loves Raymond** were Marie died. Also Ray & Debra had converted a school bus into a motorhome for some reason. It didn’t appear to have anything to do with Marie’s death though. > > Sam finally get’s outed as a witch, but everyone’s surprisingly nonplussed by it. Abner says “How 'about that Gladys? It looks like you weren’t seeing things after all”. The camera turns to Gladys who’s just sitting there staring into space & drooling with obvious lobotomy scars on her forehead. I guess that these, like the hypothetical _M_A_S_H\* episodes above, supposedly appeal to people who like to see a powerful bully get away with an atrocious crime, while a hapless victim gets punished for it. :mad: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/110 "2017-03-20T19:58:51Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > I guess that these, like the hypothetical _M_A_S_H\* episodes above, supposedly appeal to people who like to see a powerful bully get away with an atrocious crime, while a hapless victim gets punished for it. :mad: ☹ It’s called “black humor.” Definitely not for today’s Alan “Alice” Alda types. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/111 "2017-03-20T20:50:19Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > It’s called “black humor.” Definitely not for today’s Alan “Alice” Alda types. Black humor for the heart to match. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/112 "2017-03-20T21:18:15Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > Black humor for the heart to match. :rolleyes: I suppose you don’t like dead baby jokes either… ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/113 "2017-03-20T21:49:13Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I suppose you don’t like dead baby jokes either… Or gassing Jews jokes… ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/114 "2017-03-20T22:33:13Z")
How many people can you fit in a Volkswagen? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/115 "2017-03-20T23:07:47Z")
**BEWITCHED** One day on his lunch break at McMann and Tate, Darrin (the first one, not his lame replacement) is browsing in a backstreet bookstore when he stumbles across _ **A Booke of Whyte Magick for Goode Wytches** _, published in Salem, MA, in 1692. Reading it on his way home on board the commuter train, he realizes that by scrounging a few simple ingredients (e.g., bat wings, brimstone, frog skins) he can brew a powerful potion for battling evil witches. The next time Endora tries to screw with him, he has a vial of potion ready and throws it in her face. Screaming and writhing, she’s cast into a pit of eternal damnation before an angry and vengeful Supreme Being. So potent is Darrin’s magic that not even the combined powers of Samantha, Serena, Maurice, Arthur, Agatha, Clara, Esmerelda, and Bombay can determine what happened to Endora and they sadly resign themselves to her mysterious disappearance … though occasionally a thin, high-pitched voice can be heard late at night in the Stevenses’ home screeching \*"Hellllllllp meeeeeee, I’m \*\*rotting \*\*and \*\*burning \*_in **Hellllllllllllllllllll**! **EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!**"_ In the final scene, we see Darrin relaxing with a cigar and a snifter of brandy in his den’s lounge chair, thumbing through his book of spells. He puts his feet up and gives a satisfied smile and wink to the audience. “When I told Sam ‘No magic!’ I meant no magic from _her_!” **CUE MUSIC AND FADE OUT.** ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/116 "2017-03-20T23:11:14Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > How many people can you fit in a Volkswagen? Depends… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/117 "2017-03-20T23:21:35Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > **BEWITCHED** > > One day on his lunch break at McMann and Tate, Darrin (the first one, not his lame replacement) is browsing in a backstreet bookstore when he stumbles across _ **A Booke of Whyte Magick for Goode Wytches** _, published in Salem, MA, in 1692. I like that episode but not as much as the earlier one where Derwood realizes he is being a complete dumbass because he has a really hot wife that can literally give him anything he wants. The ensuing shopping spree, especially the vintage Ferrari, were obvious but the best touch was the stripper pole in the bedroom. After the music stops for the exotic dance routine, Darrin turns to the camera and says “Play it again Sam” before it fades out. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/118 "2017-03-20T23:29:41Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The ensuing shopping spree, especially the vintage Ferrari, were obvious. I actually like the \*\*real \*\*episode where Endora steals a concept car for his birthday, I think it was: “This makes the Batmobile look like a skateboard!” I’d’ve kept the damned car and had Samantha make the theft untraceable. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/119 "2017-03-20T23:37:16Z")
My favorite episode of The Brady Bunch was the infamous station wagon chase through the streets of California. Police and the IRS think they finally have enough evidence to arrest Carol for the murder of her missing former husband and Mike, a simple architect that supports 9 people in style, for tax evasion. The slow speed chase ends at Disneyland and it all turns out to be a big misunderstanding or so we are told. Mike gives the 6 kids a moving soliloquy at the end emphasizing the need to always tell the truth but concludes it with a dubious smirk and wink. That episode is believed to be inspiration of the OJ Simpson white Bronco chase many years later. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_s\_Son](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19adc/32.png) [@Jim\_s\_Son](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_s_Son)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077/120 "2017-03-20T23:58:32Z")
“Dobie Gillis” Dobie (with a b) marries both Thalia and Zelda after bigamy laws are repealed. They buy out Hugh Hefner and live a life of decadence. Maynard gets hired to sprout poetry during Dizzy Gillespie concerts. Herbert T Gilles turns his store into a Wal Mart sized change. Dobie gets President Chatsworths Osborne Jr to keep Professor Pomfritt and Burkhardt working at minimum wage for life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-memorable-episode-that-never-existed/781077.md?page=7)