# The most perfectly named Stanley tool.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508 "2008-08-19T01:44:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/1 "2008-08-19T01:44:40Z")
Stanley tools has come out with a new demolition tool, it’s a hybrid of a big, heavy hammer, oversized wrench and prybar in one, and they’ve given it the most _PERFECT_ name… the official long-form name is the Stanley Functional Utility Bar, it’s abbreviated name is the [FUBAR!](http://stanleyfubar.com) There’s three versions, hammer-size, mid-sized, and sledgehammer size, they’re a solid, _HEAVY_ chunk of carbon steel, and they all look positively Medieval and vicious, they really don’t look much like a hammer or prybar, or fixed wrench, they look like something you’d see out on the battlefields of Middle Earth when you pick one up, and feel the solid weight in your hands, you can’t help but want to start smashing stuff right away, the Fubar appeals to your most base, caveman-level instincts, the tool is strongly appealing to the “Y” chromosome, you pick one up, and instinctively start looking around for stuff to smash and destroy! SMASHING GOOD, SMASHING FUN!!, MACTECH LIKE SMASHY THING!! Stanley markets the tool as a demolition tool, for contracters needing to remove a wall, or put a big hole in something, maybe bend some house framing boards, but everybody I’ve shown my Fubar (yes, I bought one, the mid-sized 4 pounder) immediately thinks “Weapon” not “tool” I bought the mid-sized 4 pounder, as the small one was too small, and the big one was too expensive, do I have any real job for the tool, well, no, I don’t build houses, or remodel walls, and the Fubar is absolutely useless as a computer repair tool, although it’s great to scare obstinate computers into behaving, nevertheless, I _NEEDED_ it, I had to have it, it’s a big, viciously shaped chunk of steel, and it’s sole purpose in life is to _destroy_, this is a tool made for _DIS_assembling stuff, it’s big, it’s heavy, it’s crude, but it’s just plain cool! It appealed to my “Y” Chromosome, my Caveman-brain, my brainstem, how could any self-respecting guy _NOT_ like a Big Steel Smashy-Tool, I was genetically _required_ to own it and Og-dammit, I _STILL_ want the big, expensive 8 pound full-size Fubar tool, just because it’s cool! …besides, when the Zombies arise, these tools will be great for splitting Zack craniums, it may not be “The Lobo™” from World War Z, but it’s pretty dammned close, and it’s just pure, unadulterated cool! The Fubar is made of Win! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/2 "2008-08-19T01:48:33Z")
/me likey! _grunt_ ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/3 "2008-08-19T01:50:29Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/4 "2008-08-19T02:11:32Z")
Hmm, I live in a small city apartment with neither a garage or outdoor area. I never have a need for construction or demolition. I’m not entirely sure where I’d store or use such a thing. Yet, I’m going to buy one. ---
**Author:** ![DellieM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@DellieM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DellieM)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/5 "2008-08-19T02:22:54Z")
We have two products here in Oz which I adore … one is called ‘Hangs Like Shit’ (plaster adhesive) and the other is ‘Start You Bastard’ water disperser for cold engines. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/6 "2008-08-19T02:24:57Z")
I have just one question: How many other Dopers have just been told they should be institutionalized? ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/7 "2008-08-19T02:29:32Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] Hmm, I live in a small city apartment with neither a garage or outdoor area. I never have a need for construction or demolition. I’m not entirely sure where I’d store or use such a thing. Yet, I’m going to buy one. [/QUOTE] It’s an Anti-Zombie tool, you _do_ so have a use for one, when the inevitable Zombie Uprising happens (and it will…), you’d better have _some_ way of splitting skulls, unless you want to end up Living-Impaired yourself… besides, it’s a big, heavy chunk of steel used to smash things, where’s “need” enter into it here?, this is a “Guy Tool”, as Guys, we _have_ to own stuff like this, even if we never use it for it’s intended purpose \ Fubar GOOOOD! ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/8 "2008-08-19T02:31:50Z")
**DellieM** , I MUST have a can of “Start You bastard”!! I’m gonna email my friend Lisa living in Melbourne to send me one. And I’ll probably have a FUBAR by the end of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/9 "2008-08-19T02:37:04Z")
It won’t let me kill the wabbit. AND they called me a sicko. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/10 "2008-08-19T02:39:18Z")
For those who haven’t noticed, you can click on destruction videos through the OP link. Demolishing the piano sounds really cool. Yes, I want one. And yes, I was once part of demolishing the interior of a whole floor of a building, and it was one of the mostest fun things I ever did. I used a similar, but not nearly as cool, item called the [Wonder Bar.](http://www.choiceful.com/choiceful-id-68716-Stanley-Wonder-Bar-x21-Pry-Bar-155526.html) ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/11 "2008-08-19T02:46:37Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] It won’t let me kill the wabbit. AND they called me a sicko. ☹ [/QUOTE] Brother! ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/12 "2008-08-19T03:04:19Z")
[QUOTE=MacTech] It’s an Anti-Zombie tool, you _do_ so have a use for one, when the inevitable Zombie Uprising happens (and it will…), you’d better have _some_ way of splitting skulls, unless you want to end up Living-Impaired yourself… [/QUOTE] In that case I’d better opt for the 8 lb. large model. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/13 "2008-08-19T03:22:13Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] I have just one question: How many other Dopers have just been told they should be institutionalized? [/QUOTE] First thing I tried! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/14 "2008-08-19T03:33:58Z")
I have no Y chromosome, but I have a burning need to own that sucker! It’s a thing of beauty… _wipes single tear_ We have a Stanley factory here in town, wonder if they make those bad boys locally? Because that would be awesome with a side of win gravy! I’m gonna try it on a bunny first thing! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/15 "2008-08-19T03:35:17Z")
[QUOTE=Leaffan] First thing I tried! 😃 [/QUOTE] Me too. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/16 "2008-08-19T03:42:51Z")
I’m thinking the small one would be good for in the car - instead of an “escape tool”- for smashing windows if the car goes in the water. Then I can get a big one in the house for zombie attacks, in case the kukri gets stuck. **Ms. Attack** will be happy, she always says I’m tough to shop for at Christmas time. I also clicked on the bunny first. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/17 "2008-08-19T04:00:21Z")
[QUOTE=Attack from the 3rd dimension] in case the kukri gets stuck. [/QUOTE] What about your [hunga munga](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hunga_Munga)? I first saw a hunga munga in the '80s. My g/f was into ‘cutlery’ (as we liked to call it), and we were talking on the phone when I saw this thing in a catalog. At first all I could say is ‘It’s sort of an… “implement”.’ I should pick one up if I ever see one for sale. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/18 "2008-08-19T04:02:23Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] I have just one question: How many other Dopers have just been told they should be institutionalized? [/QUOTE] my first destruction choice was the Wabbit… I was vewwy vewwy quiet ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/19 "2008-08-19T04:38:09Z")
I’m gonna have to find myself a real live bunny now. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2008, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508/20 "2008-08-19T05:01:46Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] I have just one question: How many other Dopers have just been told they should be institutionalized? [/QUOTE] People tell me that every day. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-perfectly-named-stanley-tool/460508.md?page=2)