# The Most Schmaltzy Songs You Ever Heard **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 27, 2008, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830 "2008-12-27T07:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/1 "2008-12-27T07:44:46Z")
First of all sorry if I mispelled Schmaltzy, I Googled it and that was one of many spellings 🙂 I heard Charlene’s song from the early 80s _I’ve Never Been To Me_, pure schmaltz if you ask me. I also recall the Supremes _I’m Living In Shame_. My big time winner of all time is Bobby Goldsboro’s _Honey_. I at one time like both songs, but now… Anyway other nominations for the most schmaltzy songs For those who don’t know: Schmaltz: (Courtesy Wordnet @ Princeton) Excessive sentimentality in art or music, bathetic: effusively or insincerely emotional. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/2 "2008-12-27T09:31:38Z")
Daniel Bedingfield’s “If You’re Not the One.” It is the…“Twilight” of pop music. It is a love ballad, sung by a man—and, to my surprise, according to the lyrics, it’s explicitly directed towards a human woman. If ya catch my drift. Kinda pretty, though. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/3 "2008-12-27T10:00:57Z")
_Mistletoe and Wine_ by Cliff Richard. _Butterfly Kisses_ by Bob Carlisle. And somewhat creepy. ---
**Author:** ![catflea12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@catflea12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catflea12)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/4 "2008-12-27T13:02:33Z")
Angel of the Morning, Marianne Faithful Made me want to slap however wrote it (I was a teenager at the time I first heard it) ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/5 "2008-12-27T13:48:12Z")
Christmas Shoes. What do I win? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/6 "2008-12-27T14:58:16Z")
For diabetic readers I warn that following is a portion of the lyrics of _Good Morning Starshine_. Behold: Good morning starshine The earth says hello You twinkle above us We twinkle below Good morning starshine You lead us along My love and me as we sing Our early morning singing song Gliddy glub gloopy Nibby nabby noopy La la la lo lo Sabba sibby sabba Nooby abba nabba Le le lo lo Tooby ooby walla Nooby abba naba Early morning singing song ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/7 "2008-12-27T15:08:17Z")
I see your “The Christmas Shoes” and raise you a “Wind Beneath My Wings”! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/8 "2008-12-27T15:08:27Z")
This video. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/-M1sXj4FgOI/hqdefault.jpg "Spirit of Youth '83 Christmas Is For Children") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M1sXj4FgOI) No, it’s not a rickroll. It’s a performance by a very popular feelgood acapella group (I think that’s what such music is called) from Buffalo in the 1980s. They specialized in schmaltz, ad the were everywhere in the Buffalo of the 1980s. 1980s hair? Check. Handicapped and retarded children? Check. Sappy Christmas song? Check. Earmworm? Check. Schmaltz? Oy vey is mir, check. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/9 "2008-12-27T16:50:36Z")
> [@supervenusfreak](#): > > I see your “The Christmas Shoes” and raise you a “Wind Beneath My Wings”! But I, um, really like that song. :shame: ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/10 "2008-12-27T17:23:06Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > _Butterfly Kisses_ by Bob Carlisle. And somewhat creepy. I came in here to post this one. When it came out, the Christian radio station I listened to back then (:smack:) played this song about once every 30 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/11 "2008-12-27T18:39:53Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > For diabetic readers I warn that following is a portion of the lyrics of _Good Morning Starshine_. Now see for my tastes this is way too catchy too be schmaltzy. The lyrics are sweet but the music counteracts it ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/12 "2008-12-27T18:43:26Z")
I had never seen the lyrics to Good Morning Starshine written out–made me laugh out loud. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/13 "2008-12-27T19:13:41Z")
For all the people voting for “Wind Beneath My Wings,” I heard a hilarious parody on The John Boy & Billy Show some years back. I won’t torture you with the actual song on YouTube (you could probably find it on your own if you really want to; I advise against it), but will just post the lyrics: It smelled pretty rank there in your shadow, when you let one rip right in my face, you were content to let me find out, the hard way, one step behind your big ol’ fat behind. But you never said “Hey, pull my finger!” And what in the hell did you have to eat? You’d knock the feathers off an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my sheets. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/14 "2008-12-29T03:03:58Z")
Not quite as bad as **Honey** , but bad enough. I just heard it today for the first time in not enough months. _Precious and Few_ by Climax. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/15 "2008-12-29T10:00:26Z")
FEELINGS \*Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings of love. Teardrops rolling down on my face, trying to forget my feelings of love. ``` Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it. I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again. Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms. ``` - ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/16 "2008-12-29T12:21:05Z")
Every thing I do (I do it for you) Bryan Adams. What a load of tosh ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/17 "2008-12-29T14:57:17Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > FEELINGS > > \*Feelings, nothing more than feelings, > trying to forget my feelings of love. > Teardrops rolling down on my face, > trying to forget my feelings of love. > > ``` > Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it. > I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again. > > Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, > wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms. > > ``` > > - I was just about to post that as the most schmaltzy song of all time. Is anyone old enough to remember The Gong Show and that set of shows where every single contestant sang that song? It was hilarious in a painful kind of way. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/18 "2008-12-29T15:51:43Z")
“Honey” is, of course, pure crap. “The Straight Life”, also by Bobby Goldsboro, is worse. The lyrics imply that the narrator is fantasizing about running away with a man, although women are still invited to go down on him: > [@](#): > > Sometimes my thoughts may find me in Mexico, > Drinkin’ tequila goin’ out of my mind. > Havin’ a ball on a couple ‘a bob, > Treatin’ the ladies to corn on the cob, > Leavin’ the straight life behind. The lyrics can be found [here](http://www.lyricstime.com/bobby-goldsboro-straight-life-lyrics.html). Alternatively, you’ve got “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks. This song is so awful that even I can’t listen to it, and I’ve read all of the _Left Behind_ series. It’s based on a French song that is even more morbid, if you can imagine. The lyrics are [here](http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/seasonsinthesunlyrics.html), but cinch up your gorge before you click. It ain’t pretty. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Finally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/67e7ee/32.png) [@Finally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finally)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/19 "2008-12-29T16:32:21Z")
Last Kiss anyone? Both the 70’s and the 07-ish versions. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/20 "2008-12-29T16:59:41Z")
If you’re going to mention that, you have to mention “Teen Angel”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830.md?page=2)