# The Most Schmaltzy Songs You Ever Heard **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 27, 2008, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830 "2008-12-27T07:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/21 "2008-12-29T17:56:01Z")
Robert Preston’s “Chicken Fat” if we’re going for a literal interpretation of the thread title. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/22 "2008-12-29T18:09:41Z")
> [@catflea12](#): > > Angel of the Morning, Marianne Faithful I assume you mean Merrilee Rush. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/23 "2008-12-29T18:32:20Z")
_Another Auld Lang Syne_ ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/24 "2008-12-29T18:34:45Z")
So much Schmaltz, so little time. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/25 "2008-12-29T18:59:07Z")
That old wedding reception classic, “Daddy’s Little Girl”. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/26 "2008-12-29T20:38:17Z")
The Living Years Seasons in the Sun (it killed a part of my soul to type that, I hope you’re happy) The Blind Man in the Bleachers Billy Don’t Be a Hero The Night Chicago Died can’t type more… mind weakening… ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/27 "2008-12-29T21:25:19Z")
The song [“Last Kiss”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Kiss), most recently covered by Pearl Jam. A teenage couple goes out for a drive, they get in a wreck, and the guy wakes up just in time to hold and kiss his girlfriend before she dies. So he sings about how he has to be good so that he can see “my love, my life” after he dies someday. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/28 "2008-12-29T22:05:24Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > It’s based on a French song that is even more morbid, if you can imagine. Belgian, actually. Here’s a [youtube](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Brel)link of the original by Jacques Brel, including English subs. My contribution: [Dreamweaver by Gary Wright](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk4qeCT-RFk) or [All By Myself by Eric Carmen.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3j_fdSpkmE) ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/29 "2008-12-30T00:40:11Z")
There’s a Celine Dion song (I think) that has the absolutely odious message of “I’m everything I am because you love me.” ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/30 "2008-12-30T01:24:09Z")
> [@Karyn](#): > > I was just about to post that as the most schmaltzy song of all time. Is anyone old enough to remember The Gong Show and that set of shows where every single contestant sang that song? It was hilarious in a painful kind of way. Funny you should mention that, because that’s the FIRST thing I thought of when I saw the lyrics posted! It was painful, in a hilarious kind of way! ;)😃 ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/31 "2008-12-30T01:40:36Z")
Years ago, I read in a Philip K. Dick book that his character (can’t remember what book or character) who works in a music store mentions that if one more person asks him for the Bluebird of Happiness, he’s going to do something drastic. I can’t remember what, but I remember being curious enough to find the cd that was remastered from the original. It was all that, and worse. Then I met a man who had fond memories of his grandmother who loved the song. I gave him the cd, but then I married him. Karma sucks. (verse) The beggar man and his mighty king are only diff’rent in name, For they are treated just the same by fate. Today a smile and tomorrow tears, We’re never sure what’s in store, So learn your lesson before too late, so (refrain) Be like I, hold your head up high, Till you find a bluebird of happiness. You will find greater peace of mind Knowing there’s a bluebird of happiness. And when he sings to you, Though you’re deep in blue, You will see a ray of light creep through, And so remember this, life is no abyss, Somewhere there’s a bluebird of happiness. Life is sweet, tender and complete When you find the bluebird of happiness. You will find perfect peace of mind When you find the bluebird of happiness. Two hearts that beat as one, 'Neath a new found sun, We are in a world that’s just begun, And you must sing his song, as you go along, When you find the bluebird of happiness. God, I can hear it in my head even now. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/32 "2008-12-30T02:55:43Z")
Something Stupid - Frank Sinatra ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/33 "2008-12-30T04:12:53Z")
> [@Charlie\_Tan](#): > > Belgian, actually. Here’s a [youtube](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_Brel)link of the original by Jacques Brel, including English subs. > > My contribution: [Dreamweaver by Gary Wright](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk4qeCT-RFk) or [All By Myself by Eric Carmen.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3j_fdSpkmE) “French” meaning “French language”. I know Brel was from Belgium. In fact, I think I just earned the Award for the Most Gratuitous Use of the Word Belgium. I think I need to eat a waffle or a Brussels sprout or something to purify it. Robin ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/34 "2008-12-30T04:16:36Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Seasons in the Sun (it killed a part of my soul to type that, I hope you’re happy) See post #18. I’d also like to add any song by the Captain and Tennille and pretty much all of Barry Manilow, but those two are too easy. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/35 "2008-12-30T04:40:35Z")
No When someone else writes it, I don’t see it. My Way is pretty damn schmaltzy if anyone but Frank sings it. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/36 "2008-12-30T05:03:03Z")
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Dickie Lee How could any list of schmaltz not include things like _Rocky_, _Strange Things Happen_, and _Tell Laura I Love Her_? I’m trying to remember if he also did _Blind Man in the Bleechers_. ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/37 "2008-12-30T05:08:19Z")
“Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle is the sappiest, hokiest, vomit-inducingest song ever written. Add in the Jesus references, and it makes it the worst song ever recorded. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/38 "2008-12-30T05:12:17Z")
* * * ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/39 "2008-12-30T05:15:47Z")
“Town Without Pity” by whoever-the-hell-they-were. _When you’re YOUNG and so in LOVE as weeeeee… And beWILdered by the world we seeeee… How can we keep love alive How can anything survive When these little minds tear you in two…_ Sung by a very distraught man who, if he was on stage, would be holding his microphone in both hands and bending over it in emotional agony while he sang. It’s kind of fun to sing it drunk at a kareoke bar, though. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830/40 "2008-12-30T05:15:52Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > See post #18. > > I’d also like to add any song by the Captain and Tennille and pretty much all of Barry Manilow, but those two are too easy. > > Robin Then you’ll have to add the entire Neil Sedaka catalog as well. Also, Olivia Newton-John “Please, Mister, Please (Don’t Play B-17)” … huuurrkkk … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-most-schmaltzy-songs-you-ever-heard/478830.md?page=3)