# The mother's day conundrum **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 5, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370 "2009-05-05T00:48:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/21 "2009-05-05T15:30:04Z")
I hope to God that one of we few proud Doper Righties here is kidding. CELEBRATING MOTHERS’ DAY IS A CONSERVATIVE ACTIVITY BECAUSE WE’RE THANKING THEM FOR NOT ABORTING US! Now get your Mom a card & a nice gift before I call for a Beth Din! ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/22 "2009-05-05T15:45:53Z")
If this is to be addressed only in the spirit of tangible compensation for tangible services rendered, then Scylla has to calculate how much of what he has become is his mother’s fault and how much is his own. Then the net amount owed can be more accurately calculated, and Scylla can decide if he wants to continue paying it off by installment, or perhaps instead send a lump sum and thereby complete all remaining connections to this bothersome woman. If this thread was intended to be funny, it isn’t working. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/23 "2009-05-05T16:03:26Z")
Well, sure, **Elvish** , but you’re a lefty, you see motherhood through a gooey gauze of sentimentality, and not inclined to examine it from a perspective of pure functionality. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/24 "2009-05-05T16:17:57Z")
Corollary 1: A hypothetical individual “Sigmagirl,” whose mother died more than four decades ago. She remembers virtually nothing about her mother, and her childhood was filled with painful “mother-daughter” events she was nevertheless forced to attend alone, usually sitting with the teacher as a surrogate. In Girl Scouts, she dutifully made Mothers’ Day crafts along with the others, only to discard them lest she have to explain them to her depressed and alcoholic father, to whom she was not to say the word “mother.” This person “Sigmagirl” ran a household alone and grew up without benefit of advice on boys, clothing, boys, makeup, or boys. Even so, she eventually got married, to a man who actually had a mother, a creature the care and feeding of which she was not familiar. The actual execution of “Mothers’ Day” being a novelty, she figured she would just follow the crowd. But no! As the female partner in the marriage, it seems to fall to her to perform all duties associated with all holidays. Though she has no near relatives of any stripe, shopping for Christmas gifts, making all food for holiday dinners, advising spouse on appropriate dress for said holidays, selecting greeting cards for all occasions – all are deemed the natural province of the bride. And so to Mothers’ Day. She makes the cake. She purchases the gift. She chooses the card. She and spouse arrive at the designated time. She spends the entire day listening to somebody else’s mother, a mother who spends all day reminiscing about how much trouble her sons were to bear and how they nearly didn’t make it to the hospital, the same funny stories she’s heard every year of her marriage. She is not thanked for the cake. She is not thanked for the gift. It’s not her mother. This Mothers’ Day she will go to the cemetery first. The cake will wait. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Scylla > “Once a mother, always a mother,” and “I am still your mother.” +1 ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/25 "2009-05-05T16:30:49Z")
I can see a new trend with Hallmark: "Mom- You raised me and fed me and took care of my pains and aches. But, honestly–what have you done for me lately? Here’s your stupid card, Bitch. Happy Mother’s Day!" ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/26 "2009-05-05T16:33:47Z")
[Better](http://www.someecards.com/upload/mother_s_day/)than Hallmark – When you care enough to hit “send.” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/27 "2009-05-05T17:00:19Z")
Okay, so once your kids hit 18, you’re no longer their father? You stop worrying about them, giving them advice, enjoying their successes? Your role as their father is over? And your wife is no longer your children’s mother? Get your mother a damn card already and quit bellyaching. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/28 "2009-05-05T17:24:39Z")
You think you have problems - My mom’s birthday is three days after mother’s day. Some years, it’s the _same day_. And yes, I am still obligated to provide two distinct and separate gifts. Even when they align. To directly answer the OP, you have two real options: “Here is your card, happy mothers’ day, I love you”, and “Eat shit and die, you decrepid old freak, I hate you.” If you don’t say the first, you’re saying the second. ---
**Author:** ![Ruminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Ruminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruminator)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/29 "2009-05-05T17:34:53Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > I can see a new trend with Hallmark: > > You raised me and fed me and took care of my pains and aches. > > But, honestly–what have you done for me lately? > > Here’s your stupid card, Bitch. “Your gift this Mother’s Day is the fact that I did not kill you off like [the Menendez brothers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menendez_brothers) did to their mom. Please do not spend my inheritence so that I’m able to show the same mercy next year. – Happy Mom’s Day” ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/30 "2009-05-05T18:37:33Z")
About fifty years ago Charles Schulz had a cartoon where Linus predicted that if Lucy were to ask her grandmother “Why is there a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but no Children’s Day?”, that the grandmother would respond “Every day is Children’s Day.” And that’s exactly what the grandmother said. Ed ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/31 "2009-05-05T19:08:07Z")
Sigmagirl, your story made me cry. I’m so sorry. I’ll be sure to hug my mom a little extra and give her more kisses. I’m so thankful to have her, she put up with a lot of my bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/32 "2009-05-05T20:28:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Anyways, I would think most mother’s would be happy with a phone call or possibly a restaurant outing. Is your mother asking for a new BMW or what? Actually, this mother does NOT like to go to restaurants on Mother’s Day. They’re too crowded and rushed. Gimme a little card saying that you’ll take me out sometime in the future, to my choice of restaurant, and I’m happy. Or fix a meal yourself, I know you can cook, I taught you. Or I’ll cook, if you do most of the prep work and clean up afterwards. As for “mothering service” when the offspring is now adult, I talk to my mother (and father) fairly regularly. Usually it’s nothing more than keeping in touch, but I have, on occasion, asked for help and advice. This help and advice is always given, if possible. Sometimes _I_ am the one giving help and advice these days. For instance, I introduced my parents to the concept of regularly running a virus scan or two. And also to the concept of not downloading Comet Cursor on their dinosaur of a computer. My husband’s mother died several years ago. He misses his mother and her “mothering services” very much indeed. Now he calls MY mother sometimes, just to get those services. He’s 51. You never outgrow your mother, assuming she was a somewhat decent mother to begin with. > [@](#): > > The result of this failure were extreme and dire. “Scylla” received a level 8 Irish guilt trip. The failure has been brought up on a monthly basis. Only monthly? Your mom’s a slacker if she isn’t bringing it up at least once a week. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/33 "2009-05-05T20:38:58Z")
I guess I’m failing to see the conundrum (or Conundrum…really tasty white wine, that). If the OP doesn’t feel obligated to honor his mother on Mothers Day then, well, such is life. After all, there is no law saying you have to. What he seems to want is for his mother to understand why she is being dissed and to be good with that…which is probably not going to happen. So, the only real conundrum is if the OP wants to push on despite this disagreement with his mother or if he wants to suck it up and go the the massive expense of getting her a card. This does not seem to be a very earth shattering (kaboom) conundrum to me…MMV however. Myself, I’d go with the card, but then I still acknowledge that my own mothers mothering duties continue on unabated…and even if they didn’t the balance is still heavily in her favor if we are simply looking at this as some kind of transaction. -XT ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/34 "2009-05-05T21:55:37Z")
Yikes. It’s usually my _Dad_ that berates me if I forget to send a card on Mother’s Day. Mom doesn’t say a word. ---
**Author:** ![InkBlot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5e925/32.png) [@InkBlot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InkBlot)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/35 "2009-05-05T22:16:33Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > Yes, but a former President is still entitled to be called “Mr. President,” as an honorarium, just as I must still call her “Mother.” However, Al Gore is no longer obligated to listen to Bill Clinton. Similarly, “Scylla’s” mother no longer gets to tell him what to do. She no longer controls his life, makes decisions or has responsibility for him. While still holding the honorary title “Mother” she is no longer entitled to any of the privilieges or benefits of Mother’s Day as she no longer holds any of the responsibilities. I would like to point out, former Presidents receive a pension, reimbursement for certain expenses, and Secret Service protection after their term of office is over. Which kind of puts a card into perspective. ---
**Author:** ![the\_Lady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@the\_Lady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_Lady)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/36 "2009-05-05T22:35:37Z")
Last year I got in trouble for having the whole family over to honour my mother on the DAY BEFORE MOTHER’S DAY. Horror of horrors. How could I possibly do something so despicable as not to HONOUR HER ON THE DAY THAT THE CALENDAR SAYS I SHOULD! Never mind that I work full time, had an 18 month old of my own and two other family members who work shift work and it really was the only time we could all get together…IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER AND SHE HAS NEVER FELT SO UNAPPRECIATED IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. I swore I would never again do anything for her for Mother’s Day. I was dreading this year - but younger sis has stepped up with brunch, so for now the ultimatum holds. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/37 "2009-05-05T23:33:03Z")
It’s a pile of complete shit, but women like this sort of thing almost as much as they love to get upset when you don’t play along. I’m astonished someone has managed to marry and father children without knowing this! ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/38 "2009-05-05T23:44:04Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > . . . her bastard of a son. If you don’t like the topic, either IGNORE IT or take it to the Pit. Do not hurl insults at posters in Great Debates. [/Moderating] ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/39 "2009-05-05T23:46:04Z")
You’re an ungrateful bastard. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370/40 "2009-05-05T23:58:11Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > You’re an ungrateful bastard. 😛 Actually, being an ungrateful bastard would only absolve him of _father’s_ day responsibilities, not mother’s day ones. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-mothers-day-conundrum/495370.md?page=3)