I didn’t retrieve it or anything, but let me know I could stop looking for the crayon.
Our little puppy will lick the bubbles off of the kids legs when they get out of the bath.
She also sleeps inside the pillow cases.
She can tell time somewhat because she always wakes up around the time school lets out to steal all the kids socks when they get home -she doesn’t eat them, she just collects them in her crate. I usually collect 5 to 7 socks on laundry day from her crate.
I think the funniest thing she does is nap in the yard…but when I open the door, she jumps up and starts running around like she has been scaring the squirrels away. She doesn’t realize I can see her lazy self napping through the window before I open the door.
My brother says she’s a “registered snack hound”. She is a dachshund who weighs about 8 1/2 pounds unless she’s been stealing food, then she can get up to 9 pounds. Last Christmas we had a large group over for dinner. Unfortunately, it seems everyone fell for her sad story about how she was starving and gave her a snack. The midnight emergency vet said she was full from stem to stern!
I wonder if a dog could actually die from eating a crayon. Their forebears made a career, at times, out of snarfing down spoiled meat. Compared to that, how bad could it be to digest chewed up paper and wax? 
Phew! I can rid myself of the mental picture (closeup) of a hand reaching for the end of a burnt sienna crayon sticking out of a steaming pile.
Auggie, The Cutest Dog on the Planet, was a klepto until we fenced in our back yard. When we first got him (we found him on the side of the road in a ditch, starving and filthy), he was so shy and scared of everything that he would barely go into the yard to pee. As he got bolder, he started going to the neighbors’ houses and bringing stuff home. He brought home 2 or 3 sprinklers, shoes, a pair of pants, a dog toy, a frisbee, a baseball, and I can’t remember what all. I did a lot of knocking on doors and saying, “Is this yours?”. We finally fenced in the yard, much to the relief of the neighbors.
Midnight, our cat, is a very messy eater and always has food on his face when he gets finished. Auggie licks Midnight's face clean after every meal. Midnight hates it.My dog eats corn on the cob just like Tom Hanks in* Big*. Nibble-nibble-nibble.
A dog isn’t a nutjob because he ate a whole container of Metamucil.
A dog is a nutjob if he eats a whole container of Metamucil twice.
When I was a kid we had a dog who got sprayed by skunks every spring. My father figured he was just too stupid to remember what a skunk looked like. It’s possible he liked being sprayed, in which case he was certainly a nutjob.
I remember when my parents’ dog stole two baked sweet potatoes and ate them both. Swet potatoes, like beans, contain a large amount of fiber. She spent the next day farting every 5 minutes. She seemed startled by her own fart too - every time she farted, she’d jump and look back at her own butt.
You guys are cracking me up with your nutjob dogs 
My Dolly does some of the stuff mentioned here and I am laughing out loud picturing her do it. Great fun for 3 AM.
Dolly is big on mail. Somehow I have trained her that when I am done opening mail, she gets the junk mail or empty envelopes. So when my dad hands me the mail, she crawls up into my lap, while I’m on my desk chair (she’s a big girl - 80+ lbs), and noses the mail while I open it until she gets something to take away and shred. Not eat, just shred.
She’s also afraid of flashlights, and I can’t figure out why. The weird thing is she is afraid of ANY flashlight. She knows what they are instantly - any shape, size or color. Usually I don’t have to turn them on and she knows. Sometimes you’d think she’s dumb but when you realize she knows what a flashlight is the same as you or I, she seems pretty smart.
Someday I need to take a video of the “dance” she does when she’s about to go for a walk. I swear she loses her mind. Jumping and growling and whipping herself in the head with her leash. She “dances” like this until we’re just past the driveway and I say “STOP!” She stops, shakes, drops the leash and goes on walking like nothing ever happened.
More stories please. I’m going to be working all morning!
I live with two dogs in my house, both Pembroke Welsh Corgis, one male (Scooter) and one female (Corky).
Scooter is stupid but affable. He’s a dog of very little brains. He hides beneath me when there is thunder rumbling or other scary goings-on inside or out, and if he’s startled by a big noise there’s a good chance he’ll piss the carpet. He also has a rather violent startle response if he’s awakened out of a nap: If you get your feet too close to him while he’s sleeping, he’ll bite your foot. Once, I was online while he was sleeping near my chair (a fairly common thing). I got up to get something, and he rolled over to bite my foot. He didn’t even get up until I’d yelled at him and gone to get some Neosporin and a bandaid.
(Of course, he followed me into the bathroom with a hangdog expression, begging forgiveness. He doesn’t mean to attack, but he can’t help himself. I always forgive him after a little while.)
He loves me and looks to me for protection, but his half-asleep mind is violent and accurate. He can be trained, but he doesn’t bite people often enough for the punishments (yelling) to really sink in.
Scooter loves to lick things, mainly exposed skin and leather but also carpet and pillows and other textiles. He will lick something for minutes on end in apparent ecstasy, tasting God knows what foul flavor. Pillows someone has just been sleeping on get special treatment: Before he gets down to licking, he will hurl himself bodily into the pillow, bite it, and ram it with his head. I think he’s a deviated prevert.
Corky is smart, playful, and obsessive. She will gladly play catch with a ball, frisbee, or plastic stick for hours, without showing any apparent fatigue or boredom. If you try to pet her while she’s tugging on something, she will growl at you and pull harder. She pulls with her whole body, looking like a shrimp as she jerks back with enough force to cause rather acute discomfort if you aren’t prepared. She will shove her toy of the moment up to your face if you aren’t paying sufficient attention to her.
Corky also has odd sleeping habits. She loves to sleep on her back, for one thing, all four paws up and pink belly exposed to the world. (I don’t know if that’s a trust thing, or because she’s now “pointy-side up.”) Her little pink tongue will commonly peek out from between her lips, anywhere from just a hint of pink to nearly an inch of tongue out in the air. She’ll let you pet her pink belly and fuzzy chest for a while, but if you pet her too long she’ll growl and snarl and play fight with you, complete with mouthing behavior (she never actually bites in this mode, even if she is very excited). She goes wild if someone touches her feet or butt. Sometimes, she goes belly-up when she’s awake: If you pet her at that time, she’ll whip around to being right-side up and run to fetch a toy, which you will be roped into tugging and throwing for her for fifteen minutes or so.
I’ve got 2 large dogs.
Luke is the friendly one. He is a 60+ lb. Chow mix. He loves EVERYONE. He does have the bad habit of ‘guarding’ his food and water dishes to an extreme. He won’t even be hungry, but yet, he guards his bowls like his life depends on it. Silly boy, he is. He’s not mean when he finds someone, our other dog or one of the cats getting too near his bowls. He just whines loudly and mercilessly, until the threat leaves his bowl area. He loves to play with his dollies.
Maya is a nearly 100 lb. Shepherd mix. She detests all people, other than us, my mom, a few assorted DHL, FedEx and UPS guys, and the neighbor girl. She loves the cats and little baby animals.
She does not lo see people wearing shoes in the house, either. She’ll bother with your feet until you take your shoes off. Then she’s happy and will go lie down somewhere.
She LOVES tomatoes in any form. It’s been hard keeping tomatoes on the vine long enough to finish ripening this summer. She will go out to the garden, pick a tomato or two off the vine, go lay down under the trees and happily eat them. She loves salad, garlic (cooked and raw) and corn on the cob. Actually, both dogs love these things, but Maya is really bonkers over the tomatoes. Also, she prefers the homegrown tomatoes to the store bought tomatoes. At least she’s got good taste!
When Maya was a puppy, she would chew on cords. Cords to things that were plugged in. She didn’t bother the stuff that was unplugged. I don’t know why.
My grandfather had a dog that he managed to train to stick it’s own nose into his poop. Max was, to coin a phrase, dumb as a rock. And that’s insulting the good earth!
Max would not be housetrained. He kept crapping at night in the kitchen, so my grandfather, when he got up, would take the Max to the poop, tell him “bad dog” and then shove his nose in the poop. With most dogs, this will have the effect of making the dog realize that waiting to void until one can go outside is the better idea. Max would wait til my grandfather got up, and then walk over to the mound, and stick his nose in it. :eek:
My dog when I was growing up was a bit a fruit. He normally had no problem leaving his dry food in the bowl, until he was hungry. But, if one of my mother’s friends came over, he’d go to his food bowl, and growl while he quickly scarfed anything left in the bowl down. I don’t mean all of my mother’s friends got this reaction, just one of them. Of course, if he got startled by a car or a guest, he’d have to start scarfing his food, just to be safe. You never know when the food thief might be coming.
One night I had just fed him his dry food, when my father got home. My father walked up to the back door (the door most people used) while the dog was eating his food. So the first that he knew of the presence of someone else was when the door opened. So he had to do two things: Prove what a good guard dog he was, by barking at the intruder; scarf his food down so the food thief (If that’s who it was.) couldn’t take it. He tried doing both:
Once he was done choking he was very hurt that we were amused by his predicament.
The Innocent Schoolgirl has a half-lab half-something-or-other named Chelsea. We were housesitting for her parents when we left a loaf of bread out on the counter. The next day, we found Chelsea had eaten the entire loaf of bread. I don’t mean she shredded it. She ate the entire thing, and there wasn’t a crumb of it left.
I thought that was impressive. I was wrong.
Schoolgirl’s mother told me about the time she cooked a turkey, then took it out of the oven and went to check the mail. She stopped to chat with a neigbor. When she got back to the kitchen, the turkey was gone. No drippings. No bones. Just a pan, and a Chelsea that was about a foot wider.
Here’s a link to for a book that is excellent, and one story in this text is about a nutjob dog. You’ll love this story if you like this thread.
“Joe Wilson and His Mates” - Henry Lawson – An excellent narrator of stories about Australian settlers.
“The Loaded Dog” – Do a find function in the book to go directly to this story.
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/1036 – Gutenberg Australia Site Free Public Texts
Wow. The craziest thing my dog ever ate was a mango.
She is crated during the day because she ate a hole in the carpet her 2nd day home. We have to be very careful to make sure that nothing chewable is within paw-reach of her crate, though. She’s gone through hats, socks, gift bags, magazines, and paperback books that were within reach. She always has her kong, at least one rawhide, another chewy toy, and a stick in her crate, but that’s apparently just not enough!
We had a cookout and my buddy the 9 fingered butcher hooked us up with some 2" thick T-Bones, probably 24oz steaks. I cooked them all, and had one left over. We all ate and had been drinking, so we wound down pretty fast after eating.
I have a 20 lb Rat Terrier who hadn’t been drinking and never winds down. He managed to acquire and eat the entire extra steak, nothing but a gnawed bone left. I weigh 200lbs and couldn’t finish mine in a single setting. He was bloated and miserable, just laying there making groaning noises, but it didn’t seem to bother him.
He also ate 2 almost intact Supreme pizzas that I left in reach when I got called out to help neighbors in distress. All that was left was some crumbs and the green bell peppers. I can only eat maybe 4 slices and I’m full, the second pizza was for cold pizza leftovers. He ate both in about 10 minutes. He is obsessed with food.
We were fishing, the Rat loves to go fishing. Me and the 9 fingered butcher. We were fishing in a pond that had a lot of what we called “coontail”, some aquatic plant that would foul your hook. I would reel in and pull the “moss” off my hook and throw it in the bottom of the boat to keep from having more of the stuff floating around. I kept hearing this licking sound and figured the dog was just licking the water off the plants for a drink. Until I heard him start to wretch. He puked up a pile of the coontail that was almost as large as his body. I can’t imagine him eating that much of the stuff, but he did.
The neighbors were having a cookout, burgers for a lot of people. Here comes a little kid, maybe 4, heading straight for the Rat, leading with his burger. He reached out to pet the cute puppy, the cute puppy (who was full grown and an avid chow hound) snagged his burger and ate it before the kid knew what hit him. Not really a tale of a nutjob, but it was funny as heck.
When I was living at home with my parents, their dog Bruno was an absolute nutjob. Still is, apparently. If you give him a treat or a rawhide bone he will hold it between his paws and growl until every living thing has left the room so he can eat it without fear of it being stolen. He has also stripped the bark off of the bottom 4 feet of their tree in the backyard.
I have a cat who is pretty normal for the most part, except if I make muffins and I don’t put them in the refrigerator or microwave he eats the top of every single one. Won’t touch the rest of the muffin, he just wants the top part. Weirdo.
Please don’t take offense here folks-
First off I understand how hard it is for us to keep dogs from getting in to things that they shouldn’t! But PLEASE try to make sure that you put everything where the critters in your house can’t get to them! sometimes its not the food that will harm them but the packaging! Surgery for removing foreign bodies from your dog is expensive and no fun! F.B. Removal surgeries almost double around the holidays!
I am noticing that some people on here have dogs that show food aggression/people aggression please work with your dogs on this. Play biting or fighting is not ok! It can give dogs the wrong impression that it is OK to challange your role in the pack. It can be difficult to teach your dog to let you take food away but it is worth it! I would hate to hear about anyone having their dog put down because it had reached the 2-bite level! Even if you know not to touch your dog while it is eating no everyone else that may come into your home does, particularly children.
My dog is also a nut job. I got her from a rescue and she spent 6 years on a chain in a backyard. She now is a happy house dog but does have one strange hold over quirk. She like to snap at flies trying to catch them. Only the flies she is snapping at only exist in her mind.
I don’t know, I think there’s some serious misunderstanding going on around here. When JellyDog surfs the counter as well as every other flat surface in the house every fifteen minutes, she does it because it’s her JOB to PROTECT us from the evil, evil food that’s trying to kill us! Then if she finds, say, 8 treacherous peanutbutter cookies lurking on the counter in their plastic baggie, she selflessly dispatches them with all due haste BECAUSE SHE JUST LOVES US THAT MUCH. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.
Nutjob, indeed.
My grandparents used to have a Welsh terrier that was batshit. Dawndee considered most gardening implements her mortal enemy: rakes and shovels were attacked with everything she had, trowels and the like had their handles chewed off, the hose had to be wound and covered when she was out, or holes would be chewed in it.
On car trips, she would wake up out of a dead sleep to bark her head off as they crossed any bridges.
She could find golf balls anywhere, and I mean anywhere. It was astounding. She found them in remote and pristine mountain trails, in people’s houses, in the lake, wherever.
She’d play with banana slugs, tossing them up in the air and catching them with her mouth. She’d get completely slimed doing this, but it never fazed her.
She’d bark at rocks, too. Just rocks. Especially if you dig them out with a shovel or trowel.