# The new Chick™ tract **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 2, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716 "2004-09-02T03:52:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/61 "2004-09-03T00:10:07Z")
The reason I enjoy Jacks’s work so much is that I am a Christian but not of the same fundie ilk as Jack. To me Jack is the anti-Christian and no doubt he drives more people into the bosom of satan than he ever hopes to bring to Jesus. (JI bet Jack pronounes it “je-ya-sus-ah”) I’m ELCA Lutheran and our church is one of the more liberal ones in the synod. Nearly half our congregation is gay and lesbian. I’m not saying we’re a “gay” church (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but if someone is unsure of our location we just say “across from the gay Denny’s” and everyone in Phoenix immediately knows where we are. Once in a while a member, who is the chaplain at a local hostpital, fills in for the regular pastor. One of the elements of the service is the children’s sermon where all the wee tykes gather around the pastor at the steps in front of the altar for a short object lesson. One Sunday the lesson was on friendship and loyalty and pastor K used a popular children’s book to illustrate. Okay. A lesbian minister talking to little children about student wizard Harry Potter. Bonus points if you can guess how many things Jack would find wrong with that picture. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/62 "2004-09-03T01:17:48Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I’d just like to add that a Jew, Ill be spending Halloween in a ballroom full of gay people. I hope both to spread the message that G-d loves homosexuals, and to finally take home a trophy. I’ve tried that. It never works. You get them as far as the door then they start whining about needing to be home by 4AM so they can watch Buffy reruns and how cheap your car is and how you live in a dump and how no self-respecting fegelah would be seen dead in such a lousy neighborhood. It’s not worth the trouble… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/63 "2004-09-03T01:28:12Z")
To clarify, there are several costume competitions. The winners are given gift certificates to five star restaurants and jewelry stores. More importantly, they get huge trophies. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/64 "2004-09-03T01:28:38Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Samhuinn is a great festival. Celebrate that harvest and knock away the evil spirits of the death of the earth by building a big fire, eating till you’re stuffed, and drinking mead till you can’t stand up. > > And y’know, you don’t have to wear a costume. You could always show up skyclad! Damn you evil pagans, do you have any idea how COLD it gets in October around here? **DocCathode** , yeah, but since when has Jacky boy ever let a silly little thing like facts get in the way? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/65 "2004-09-03T01:32:27Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > To clarify, there are several costume competitions. The winners are given gift certificates to five star restaurants and jewelry stores. More importantly, they get huge trophies. Size queen… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/66 "2004-09-03T01:35:15Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **DocCathode** , yeah, but since when has Jacky boy ever let a silly little thing like facts get in the way? **Futile Gesture** Beat to me to fact that they used neeps rather than pumpkins. I had to say something. And personally, I prefer my skyclad women to be cold. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/67 "2004-09-03T02:19:36Z")
I went to a Halloween party at a seminary once, and the theme was “come as your favorite saint.” So I had a doggy face painted on, blig floppy ears, and a little wooden keg at my neck. You know who I was! The English guy came dressed in formal evening clothes, tophat, tails and all. He explained he was Yves St. Laurant. And the guy in the bunny suit was St. Peter of the Cottontail. And so on. The Episcopal cathedral I belong to has Santa Claus in a stained glass window! He’s pretty teeny, about 4 inches high, but he’s down in the lower left had corner of the St. Nicholas window. Santa is gesturing up at the saint, dressed as bishop of Myra, and there are other symbols for Nicholas in the window. But I think it’s a hoot. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/68 "2004-09-03T02:48:57Z")
Yeah, but isn’t Saint Nicholas a Catholic and/or Orthodox saint? And SAINTS are a Catholic/Orthodox practice! So how evil is THAT??? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/69 "2004-09-03T03:07:35Z")
Pretty evil I guess. The congregation is so evil that Fred Phelps regularly pickets our 10:30AM Sunday service. About three weeks ago I was scheduled to serve as a chalist. I peeked out the front door, and sure enough, they were there. I turned to the Dean and told him we had greeters, and he said he’d been wondering if we hurt their feelings, as their last picket of us had been three weeks before, and he figures anyone who is graced by a WBC picketing must be doing something right. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/70 "2004-09-03T12:35:05Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Pretty evil I guess. The congregation is so evil that Fred Phelps regularly pickets our 10:30AM Sunday service. About three weeks ago I was scheduled to serve as a chalist. I peeked out the front door, and sure enough, they were there. I turned to the Dean and told him we had greeters, and he said he’d been wondering if we hurt their feelings, as their last picket of us had been three weeks before, and he figures anyone who is graced by a WBC picketing must be doing something right. **Baker** , I just gotta know. Did you miss the Phelpsies yelling “church whore” at you? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/71 "2004-09-03T12:55:52Z")
Honestly, I know God is pretty strict on the ‘do not murder’ thing, but I’m pretty sure he’d turn a blind eye if someone bumped Phelps. [sub]OK, I’m joking - murder is bad, yes.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![APB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/72 "2004-09-03T14:10:05Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > From here, things get a bit complex. It seems that some of the Christians in Ireland (but not the main Roman Catholic Church) moved the celebration of All Saints Day from April 20th to November first, turning the evening of October 31st into All Hallows Eve, a night before a day of obligation. Pope Gregory III consecrated a chapel in the Basilica of St. Peter to all of the saints and officially moved the observance of All Saints Day to November first, but did the Irish Christian co-opting of Samhain on that date have anything to do with it? It seems unlikely, given that the early November celebration was a German tradition already. [nitpick] Yes, it is a bit complex, but the point that the [Wikipedia article](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween) is trying to make is actually that what little evidence there is suggests that the Christians in Ireland did not move their All Saints celebrations from 20 April to 1 November until after their counterparts elsewhere, including Gregory III, had already selected 1 November for that purpose. Hence the doubt about a connection with Samhain. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/73 "2004-09-03T14:47:42Z")
> [@Flutterby](#): > > I just want to know who the heck Saman is. I never heard of him before. Never heard about “him”, either. I’m not an expert in pagan deities in any form and shape, but I nevertheless read quite a lot of stuff about them, and I tend to assume I would have come across this name at least once. Barring any informations to the contrary by another poster, I’m going to assume Chick made up the whole stuff (including the peculiarities of the festival, possessed animals, food offering, child sacrifices and pumpkins left besides the houses). ---
**Author:** ![vd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b19c9b/32.png) [@vd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vd)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/74 "2004-09-03T17:09:54Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > The new Chick tract is out, [The Devil’s Night](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1053/1053_01.asp), > … > Suzy is of course troubled but her grandpa, the cycloptic retired jurist from [The Last Judge](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5011/5011_01.asp) … I admit I haven’t been keeping up with the story line, so I’ll take your word for it that Grandpa is also Uncle George the Judge. But his eye-patch has changed sides! ([http://www.chick.com/tractimages79842/5011/5011\_03.gif](http://www.chick.com/tractimages79842/5011/5011_03.gif)) [right](http://www.chick.com/tractimages79842/1053/1053_04.gif) :eek: I guess maybe Jesus healed his eye, and then George had a second “accident”. Yeah, that’s it. Or maybe Li’l Suzie is talking to him through a really big mirror. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/75 "2004-09-03T17:45:36Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Pretty evil I guess. The congregation is so evil that Fred Phelps regularly pickets our 10:30AM Sunday service. About three weeks ago I was scheduled to serve as a chalist. I peeked out the front door, and sure enough, they were there. I turned to the Dean and told him we had greeters, and he said he’d been wondering if we hurt their feelings, as their last picket of us had been three weeks before, and he figures anyone who is graced by a WBC picketing must be doing something right. We have a Westboro Baptist Church here in Ottawa. It’s a pretty well known, long-established church, with a number of influential members, and is heavily into charitable works. I gotta say, they were some cheesed off with Phelps and crew when they visited a while ago. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/76 "2004-09-03T20:44:14Z")
> [@Bookkeeper](#): > > We have a Westboro Baptist Church here in Ottawa. It’s a pretty well known, long-established church, with a number of influential members, and is heavily into charitable works. I gotta say, they were some cheesed off with Phelps and crew when they visited a while ago. That’s awful. Makes you wonder if any potential visitors turned away, thinking the Phelps clan represented the Ottawa church. > [@swampbear](#): > > **Baker** , I just gotta know. Did you miss the Phelpsies yelling “church whore” at you? 😃 Nah, I didn’t stick my nose out far enough to be recognized! 😃 Although on those Sundays when they are there, and I’m not assisting, I make sure to go in the front door so they can see me! Pretending you don’t notice them drives them nuts! ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/77 "2004-09-03T21:29:55Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > Anyway, while I’m thinking of it…has anyone ever seen someone dress up as _Jesus_ for Halloween? I mean, considering the gruesome execution and the rising from the grave, he should be ripe fodder for a costume! 😃 > ) Apparently back in the day my uncle had a full head of hair and a beard so decided to go to a hallowe’en party as Jesus, with a robe and a giant styrofoam cross, apparenly he was the… [insert jesus pun here]. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/78 "2004-09-03T22:14:50Z")
A couple years ago our own **manhattan** dressed up as Jesus Fucking Christ for Halloween. I saw the pictures - great costume! I don’t know if Jack would have approved, however. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/79 "2004-09-03T23:16:22Z")
> [@](#): > > **Guinastasia** said: > Damn you evil pagans, do you have any idea how COLD it gets in October around here? Well, if you are skyclad, we can be pretty sure you aren’t gonna wander away from the bonfire! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716/80 "2004-09-03T23:21:39Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > Well, if you are skyclad, we can be pretty sure you aren’t gonna wander away from the bonfire! Hmm, very true. I don’t think Chick condemns ALL trick or treating-there was a rather mild one (well, for him) where there’s a little girl who has terminal cancer, and all she wants is to dress up like a princess for Halloween. So she’s taken around trick or treating, someone gives them a Chick tract, and she’s saved. And then she goes to Heaven. So, I think it’s just if you dress up like the devil, or go to a Haunted House or whatever that you’ll end up in Hell. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-chick-tract/262716.md?page=5)