# The NEW SDMB government! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 21, 2000, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045 "2000-11-21T00:02:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/81 "2000-11-25T01:05:26Z")
Good job tristan!! You’re doing excellently!! ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/82 "2000-11-25T01:12:38Z")
As your PA, oh exalted one, I think we should bump the economy. Damn exchange program is grounded. Dopedollars are sinking. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/83 "2000-11-25T11:44:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\*As your PA, oh exalted one, I think we should bump the economy. Damn exchange program is grounded. Dopedollars are sinking. \*\* Your Highness, May I suggest a large-scale (but controllable) war to get the economy pumping again? Tripler It will give the peasants something to do. . . ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/84 "2000-11-25T13:28:16Z")
Dear Sir or Madam, I am applying for the Director of the Internal Revenue Service position that has not yet been filled. Please note that I have many fine qualities, not the least which of is that I have taped twenty dollars to the inside of this envelope. I hope you will consider me for this very important position. Sincerely, PunditLisa ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/85 "2000-11-25T13:57:46Z")
Woohoo!! 20 US bucks. That’s about a squillion Aussie dollars atm… I can refloat the DopeDollar economy now… PunditLisa report to fierra first thing Monday morning. You’re hired. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/86 "2000-11-25T20:25:36Z")
::taking notes:: Large, yet controllable war, check. New IRS Director, check. $20USD, check. Well, your wonderous benevolence, seems like things are off to a flying start. Now if we can only figure out where the seat of our new government sets, we’d be ready to take over the world. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/87 "2000-11-25T21:02:54Z")
Dear Santa, **dpr** , and the SDMB Treasury, For Christmas this year, I want the following: 1. 25 Pre-START II Treaty LGM-118A Peacekeeper Missiles, with 10 independent warheads each. 2. A new red trycicle with shiny tassels on the handles. 3. 6 Marine Expeditionary Units (SOC) and 6 Naval Task Forces for support. 4. A Red-Ryder BB Gun. 5. 8 Mechanized Infantry Divisions, 5 Armor Divisions, and 3 Infantry Brigades. 6. A steady girlfriend. 7. 4 E-4 Sentrys with JSTARS support, from which to run the “SDMB World Unification Project”. 8. To be announced I have been a good boy this year. I haven’t killed as many mean people as I did last year, and I have only caused one war. I know this may be a lot to fit into one sled on one night, but rest assured, if terms of delivery are not worked out, your elves will no longer be jolly or alive. Thank you, Tripler Really, I have been a good boy this year. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/88 "2000-11-26T22:40:22Z")
If I don’t bump this, I’ll never know where to find The Grand Exalted one. What kind of PA would I be then? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/89 "2000-11-27T04:04:00Z")
As new IRS director (thank you, thank you), I am overstepping my authority and unilateraly imposing the following taxes: For every post you submit from now on, please forward to me a quarter. This is the POSTS SENT TAX or PST. For every new THREAD you create, you will owe ten dollars. This is the Do We Really Freakin’ Care? Tax or DWRFCT. Hopefully now people (and you know who you are) will be a bit more judicious with their “CREATE NEW THREAD” rights. For every duplicate post, forward 1 American dollar to me. This will be called the Techno-Impaired Tax or TIT. For every post that quotes an entire post, forward five dollars to me. This will be the QWMVTT or Quit Wasting My Valuable Time Tax. Every post that quotes an entire post which immediately precedes said post shall be assessed a tax of ten dollars. This is the Do You Think We Have the Attention Span of a Gnat? Tax or DYTWHASG tax. For every signature line, pony up fifty cents for each line that exceeds one line, for each post sent which includes said signature line. This is the AWOET or the A Waste of Electrons Tax. For every spelling error, please forward me a nickel. I realize some people will find this tax especially burdensome, so I’ve maxed it out at ten dollars per annum. This will be the PWFMT or the Phonics Worked for Me! Tax. If you don’t know what “per annum” means, forward to me your entire paycheck. This is the FBOST or Future Burden on Society Tax. For every post that exceeds fifty words, forward one dollar to the Treasury. This is the Why Say It in 50 words when I Can Say it in 500? Tax or the Why Say It in Fifty or Less Words when I Can Take Up More Space and Say it in over Four Hundred and Ninety Nine? Tax. For every swear word posted, with the exception of the Pit, you will be taxed at a rate of a quarter for non-genitalia related swear words and fifty cents for genitalia related swear words. This is the GMT or Gutter Mouth Tax. And, finally, anyone posting a thread related to the act of “felching” shall be assessed a tax of three thousand dollars. Sincerely, PunditLisa, Director of the Internal Revenue Service. P.S. Please make all checks out to “PunditLisa” ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/90 "2000-11-27T08:33:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wyldelf \* > \*\*Anyone out there looking for a Foreign Affair in Canada? 😉 \*\* Well, now that you mention it… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/91 "2000-11-27T08:40:21Z")
Damn, Lisa is my friggin’ HEROINE! [sub]next to wyld, of course[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/92 "2000-11-27T10:44:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*As new IRS director (thank you, thank you), I am overstepping my authority and _unilateraly_ imposing the following taxes: > > For every duplicate post, forward 1 American dollar to me. This will be called the Techno-Impaired Tax or TIT. > > Sincerely, > > PunditLisa, Director of the Internal Revenue Service. > > P.S. Please make all checks out to “PunditLisa” \*\* As Finance minister, I hereby approve all these taxes, especially the tit for tat tax… with the following rider to the spelling tax: “differences in spelling due to English/American differences are to be exempt from tax - so long as they are spelt correctly and consistently for that nationality. People who switch back and forth are to be charged double”. Lisa, you fell foul of Gaudere’s rule in your announcement - please send yourself a cheque for a nickel for the italicised word above… **Tripler** , after the new taxes, we can authorise all your requests except for 2 & 6…apparently those tassles cost more than airforce spanners & we have to economise somewhere…authorisation for 8 is still pending for some reason… (and no, a small thermonuclear warhead would **not** revitalise the economy!) ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/93 "2000-11-27T13:44:44Z")
Spelling Error. Damn! ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/94 "2000-11-27T20:46:38Z")
And I cursed. Check on it’s way. Hell and Damn, I’ll even send an extra quarter for “friggin’.” What am I up to, a buck now? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/95 "2000-11-27T21:17:37Z")
The _PLF_ is disheartened that the puppet government of SDMB has not taken our views seriously. In 48, if there are no changes, the _PLF_ will strike a blow for all our downtrodden brothers. Viva la resistancé!!! ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/96 "2000-11-27T21:50:34Z")
::deb enters wearing fatigues: Ah **adam yak** I am glad to see that you are continuing our plans for a coup. I have been busy with family and turkey business. We will presevere until victory is ours and we have a government free from bureaucracy. I have been in the laboratory testing on animals and have developed a cow pie that will go thru anything. Our forces have bought a dairy so that we have an endless supply of weapons. ::deb tosses a cow pie at dpr and spoofe:: ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/97 "2000-11-27T23:02:45Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by fierra \* **Tripler** , after the new taxes, we can authorise all your requests except for 2 & 6…apparently those tassles cost more than airforce spanners & we have to economise somewhere…authorisation for 8 is still pending for some reason… (and no, a small thermonuclear warhead would **not** revitalise the economy!) [QUOTE] Well, 2 was always negotiable. I guess I can still get around town in my APC. I think Santa had better oblige me on line item 6, before I turn his North Pole paradise into a watery mess. 8 is not a problem. If I need funding, I can take it from the lands I conquer. I still need nukes. Please, deny not my nukes. Tripler Chestnuts roasting on a nuclear fiiiiirrreee . . . ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/98 "2000-11-28T01:42:52Z")
Hey, Lisa, what do you think of a tax for misuse of quotes, such as quoting when it is just yourself saying it for the first time? Hi Tripler, don’t look so hurt, we have to pay for the nukes somehow! Just because I said a small thermonuclear warhead wouldn’t revitalise the economy, doesn’t mean that lots wouldn’t! Is desperate dan around? We seem to have an incoming cow pie… ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/99 "2000-11-28T01:56:19Z")
Well, I’ve been working on that virus I promised, but so far, I’ve only managed to create one that bumps the IQ up by a point or two. Slight side effect, though - it causes fatal hemorrhaging from various unpleasant orifices. I accidentally wiped out a developing country or two. My bad. Who’s the Attorney General around here, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045/100 "2000-11-28T02:02:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fierra \* > **Hi Tripler, don’t look so hurt, we have to pay for the nukes somehow! Just because I said a small thermonuclear warhead wouldn’t revitalise the economy, doesn’t mean that lots wouldn’t!** Oh, no biggie. I figure once we start flinging some kilotonnage around, someone at ground zero will cough up a few bucks in my international ‘shakedown’. My SDWF will march forward to victory gloriously. . . Tripler Building a better future for you, by taking the unworthy’s away. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-sdmb-government/42045.md?page=6)