# The New Welcome Wagon Thread, newbies check in **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 28, 2002, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316 "2002-06-28T02:26:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/41 "2002-06-29T01:16:40Z")
_Jimmy\_the Weasel_ > [@](#): > > I was directed to SD site while looking for an answer to the age old question of whether dogs have uvulae. (According to Cecil, they do.) I have been really bored in my day. Bored enough to paint lil stripes on my toenails. Never **this** bored. Never occurred to you to, call me crazy, look at a dog? _Look who’s back and slightly more coherent? It’s EggNogg_ > [@](#): > > give me some real abuse. Ok! How about I tie you to a chair, pin your eyes open and make you listen to six hours of Celine Dion karaoke accompanied by interpretive dance by a loincloth wearing Rush Limbaugh? Followed by force feeding you bean burritos and supergluing your anus shut? And then I get serious… _Canyon Surfer_ > [@](#): > > thank you for the offer of a welcome. You may now welcome me. Should you not respond to this post in the next 40 minutes, then I will not see it until tomorrow Patience, people, patience. The only reason I’m keeping up now is because it’s my day off. Don’t make me smack you with my sneaker. I keep my pimp hand strong. _WSLer writes a novel_ > [@](#): > > friend’s die, mother dies, gf leaves, crap job… Dammit it, I can’t pick on you. Wait, wait… > [@](#): > > _Austin Powers voice_ “Yes. please.” \*Austin Powers voice. Great, now I’m visualizing you in a crushed velvet suit. Must clorox brain. _ClairificC tosses her hair and giggles_ > [@](#): > > I like: Baseball I am: pretty!!! So do I get a welcome now? Just head over to **Crunchy’s** place and he’ll welcome you real good. Just lie back and think of shiny things and kittens. If you have a hot brother, send him over to me so I can train, I mean entertain him. Holy shit, I’m caught up for now. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/42 "2002-06-29T01:47:50Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by hardygrrl_ > **YES! Will you hold my hand and wipe my tears away the day the Boys in Blue are mathmatically eliminated?** You mean it hasn’t happened yet? (Cards fan here for the newbies who don’t know.) Now time to pick up **hardy’s** left overs. **Jimmy\_The\_Veal** says: > [@](#): > > \*\*what the heck. > > I’m a newbie. > > I was directed to SD site while looking for an answer to the age old question of whether dogs have uvulae. (According to Cecil, they do.)\*\* Ok, I’d like to take this time to apologize to **Broodha** as I seem to have been premature with the quips about not having a personality. **Mr. the\_Veal** here has given us absolutley _nothing_ to work with. At least **Broodha** hints at his ambitions of being a professional student. And who can blame him? Keg parties, co-eds, college can be cool. How bad is **Mr. the\_Veal**? I’ve spent most of his welcome talking about **Broodha** and the only interest he hints at involves a dog’s throat. Now that’s just disturbing. Seek help, **Mr. the\_Veal**. There’s hope yet. **Canyon Surfer** says: > [@](#): > > **hardygrrl thank you for the offer of a welcome. You may now welcome me.** Seems I’m not good enough for this one. Have your way with him, **hardy**. Don’t be gentle. **WSLer** says: \ Hey hardy, see why I said you may want to institute that rule about not writing a book about oneself? You take him on if you want, cuz while I can be a mean heartless bastard, I can’t make fun of a post which mentions someone’s mom dying. BTW, The drugs won’t help you deal with anything, **WSLer**. It’s just more problems. Besides, making $9.50 an hour, you can’t afford the really good stuff. Ok, at this point, having run into **hardygrrl** in the Straight Dope chat room (for info about the chat room, e-mail me, don’t post a question here in the thread) I find that we are double posting. So, at her behest I will just welcome **ClairificC** : **ClairificC** bounces in: > [@](#): > > \*\*I live somewhere in California- and am involved in a wonderful (but somewhat complicated) relationship with my SO. > My user name is a mixture of my name (Claire \<— no stalking me!) and terrific, which I hope I am. \*\* “Somewhere” in California? I have family in LA, so I have an idea what happened. You forgot exactly where in Cali, but there’s a beach, right? So you know you’re close. > [@](#): > > \*\*I like: Baseball, music (anything but country or polka), my kitten (Madeline, She’s perfect ), science, math, good comedy, cheese, hiking, beautiful places, movies > > I hate: Docotors who don’t know what they’re doing, Stupid Comedy, hypocrites > > I am: pretty!!! \*\* A list of turn-ons and turn-offs? Sweetie, this is the Straight Dope Welcome Wagon, not the application for Playmate of the Month. Although a pretty baseball fan I’m tempted to ask to marry me. However, if you want to send me your nudie pics, I’ll be sure to pass them on to my close personal friend, Hef. [sup]That would be my drinking buddy Stan Heflerson, who we all call “Hef” around here.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/43 "2002-06-29T02:29:15Z")
Okay, I’ll play too! I like The X-Files ::sniff, sniff:: never missed an episode. I love animals more than most people I’ve ever met. Have read all of the the Harry Potter books 4 times each (and I’m 38 years old). I love books, steak, seafood and being left alone. Go ahead and flame me, I can take it. Honey ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/44 "2002-06-29T03:13:24Z")
Awrighty then… I may have discovered the board after being farked to the main site. However, I was medicated at the time; I may also have gotten the URL from a man in a black helicopter who’s really into making crop circles. I dismember which. I own a couple-three SD books, and was intrigued to discover a more timely method of getting an info fix. Han Solo shot first. My little girl can out-cute most other kids her age by 7AM. She can also get in more trouble than most by 8AM. I think this keeps her average above .500, but I could be wrong. The early Skeeve and Aahz books were better than the last couple. I can’t remember who I voted for in the last presidential election, but I’m pretty sure it didn’t matter, anyway. Hang me out to dry, kids. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/45 "2002-06-29T03:28:41Z")
I’m not sure if I still qualify as a newbie, but I was never really “welcomed” because right after I registered, the board crashed and I had to re-register after it came back up.It wasn’t my fault, I swear! Anyway, what am I supposed to tell you? Let’s see, I like to read. I have cats. I’m married and have 2 kids. I listen to country music. I’m gonna regret telling that, aren’t I? I teach nursery school part-time. I’m off for the summer. I like baseball. (Go Orioles!) My favorite TV shows are \*ER, Six Feet Under, \* and _24_. Please don’t send me nekkid pictures. You certainly aren’t getting any of me. Oh, yeah, I’ll mention Buffy only to say I never watch it. Going by the number of Buffy threads in Cafe Society, is that a bannable offense? ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/46 "2002-06-29T03:38:03Z")
_Honey makes her case_ > [@](#): > > I like The X-Files ::sniff, sniff:: never missed an episode. I love animals more than most people I’ve ever met. Have read all of the the Harry Potter books 4 times each (and I’m 38 years old). > > I love books, steak, seafood and being left alone. I can see your Fortress of Solitude. Dimly lit, somewhat musty smelling. A continous loop of David Duchovy on the vcr and the beginnings of Harry Potter slash fanfic in a tattered notebook. Plates with fishbones on them… _Skeezix ponders_ > [@](#): > > I may have discovered the board after being farked to the main site. However, I was medicated at the time; I may also have gotten the URL from a man in a black helicopter who’s really into making crop circles. I dismember which. And not while searching for bukkake porn, I’m sure. > [@](#): > > Han Solo shot first. Good God In Heaven, there’s Star Wars bukkake porn? Poor Ewoks with their fur all crusty, not to mention Chewbacca. And wouldn’t semen short out the droids? ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/47 "2002-06-29T03:48:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BiblioCat \* > I’m not sure if I still qualify as a newbie, but I was never really “welcomed” because right after I registered, the board crashed and I had to re-register after it came back up.It wasn’t my fault, I swear! It was him. Smite him! > [@](#): > > Anyway, what am I supposed to tell you? A credit card number, expiration date and signature panel code will do nicely. > [@](#): > > I listen to country music. I’m gonna regret telling that, aren’t I? Let me guess. Your woman is gone, your truck broke down and your father is in jail. > [@](#): > > Please don’t send me nekkid pictures. You certainly aren’t getting any of me. Talk to the **Frog**. He’s the Naked Doper Archivist. If you receive an email from [HornyFrog@BiteMe.com](mailto:HornyFrog@BiteMe.com), I would recommend deleting it and DO NOT open any attachments. I, on the other hand, do not want any naked pictures and am not sending any. Check the OP, Mr I’m Too Busy To Read. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/48 "2002-06-29T04:01:30Z")
**hardygrrl** , change all your references to “her” and we’ll get along just fine. You think a **GUY** would register with a name like BiblioCat?!? And BTW, my husband does drive a truck, but it’s not broken down. It doesn’t even have a gun rack or a rebel flag. ---
**Author:** ![WortMeWorry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@WortMeWorry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WortMeWorry)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/49 "2002-06-29T04:35:33Z")
Here goes. I live in NE Ohio. Which makes me an Indians, Browns,& Cavs fan. Doesn’t this horror ever stop ? I like to read, mostly sci-fi, and fantasy. I watch Code Blue and the New Detectives religiously. Married, with no kids, and no pets. My wife has stated I can get a dog when we get a fence. I,m a professional cook, looking to get out of the restaurant business. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/50 "2002-06-29T05:17:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WortMeWorry \* > > I live in NE Ohio. Which makes me an Indians, Browns,& Cavs fan. > Doesn’t this horror ever stop ? Pfft. Pfft, I say. I have been a Cubs fan since the age of three. For twenty nine years I have known great pain. Don’t even get me started on Blackhawks or the way the Bulls dropped like an elevator with its cable cut. On the top floor. You don’t know pain, pal. Nevermind, you have Drew Carey. You win ---
**Author:** ![EggNogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@EggNogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EggNogg)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/51 "2002-06-29T12:15:56Z")
wehay i feel more welcome now 🙂 egg ---
**Author:** ![Canyon\_Surfer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Canyon\_Surfer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canyon_Surfer)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/52 "2002-06-29T14:52:35Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **hardygrrl** _ > > Patience, people, patience. The only reason I’m keeping up now is because it’s my day off. Don’t make me smack you with my sneaker. I keep my pimp hand strong. Patience is wearing thin, was just waiting for a welcome, but now there’s also the possibility of a smack with a sneaker from **hardygrrl**. ::leaves room briefly for another handful of Dried Frog pills :: ::gulp:: hardygrrl…sneaker…smack. Smack ? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2002, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/53 "2002-06-29T16:48:22Z")
_panted by Canyon Surfer_ > [@](#): > > Patience is wearing thin, was just waiting for a welcome, but now there’s also the possibility of a smack with a sneaker from hardygrrl. Don’t get it, do you? I don’t smack you to make **you** happy. Or out of love. I smack because I _can_. Since you want to be smacked, I will **not** do it. ---
**Author:** ![pam2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pam2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pam2)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/54 "2002-06-30T01:22:00Z")
OKEY DOKEY…My pal, Thunder, told me to check out your site here & it seems as if I might fit in. I’m pam2–I actually work in a zoo–I’m considered a liberal AND a conservative by many friends. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/55 "2002-06-30T01:43:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*_Honey makes her case_ > > I can see your Fortress of Solitude. Dimly lit, somewhat musty smelling. A continous loop of David Duchovy on the vcr and the beginnings of Harry Potter slash fanfic in a tattered notebook. Plates with fishbones on them… \*\* Holy crap hardygrrl, did you break into my house last night? By the way, the slash fanfic title is **“Fox Member and The Hairy Potter”**. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![fireman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@fireman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fireman)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/56 "2002-06-30T02:10:44Z")
I’m not really a newbie, more of a lurker, but I’ve never had an official welcome. I like animals, big red trucks that go fast and make lots of noise, short redheads and, ahh, oh yea, Star Trek. I like crawling into hot, smokey places wearing heavy clothes and my air in a bottle on my back. Nobody has ever sent me nekked pictures. I’ve never sent nekked pictures to anybody (yet). ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/57 "2002-06-30T03:15:38Z")
- pam2, wtf with the numbers? Think of a new username\* > [@](#): > > OKEYDOKEY Well, damn skippy to you. > [@](#): > > I’m considered a liberal AND a conservative by many friends. And a floor wax and a desert topping! _fireman checks in_ > [@](#): > > I like animals, big red trucks that go fast and make lots of noise, short redheads and, ahh, oh yea, Star Trek. You almost had this short redhead. Up to the Star Trek stuff. I can tolerate a lot, but not Tribble worship. BTW, is it true what they say about men with big trucks? Big truck, small keychain? ---
**Author:** ![ninevah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@ninevah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninevah)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/58 "2002-06-30T04:57:04Z")
Hi. ::waves:: My name is ninevah. I’m a 23yo Aussie girl, I hail from a place about an hours drive from Melbourne, Victoria. I like candlelit dinners, relaxing in front of a fire, long walks on beaches… um, actually, no, not really… My favourite chocolate is Milka, or if I’m feeling really bad, anything by Lindt. I **do** like _Buffy_ and _Angel_ but my love of _Red Dwarf, Futurama_ and most things comedy **and** sci-fi balances this out. I like a lot of Australian music, especially _Crowded House_. I think English and Australian comedians are the funniest in the world. And I think sleeping in is one of the sublime activities ever. (That, and sleeping in while eating Lindt and watching Buffy or Futurama…) ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/59 "2002-06-30T05:42:56Z")
Hello. My name is Waenara. I am a 23yo Canadian girl. I will start my sixth year of university this September. I still live with my parents, but that is changing in the very immediate future. I guess I’m not _really_ a newbie, since I’ve been lurking on-and-off for two or three years. I like reading books in all forms, mostly science fiction and historical fiction - but anything is good (I just picked my signature today! - very apt). ---
**Author:** ![IcicleFuzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ba8739/32.png) [@IcicleFuzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IcicleFuzz)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2002, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316/60 "2002-06-30T08:08:40Z")
Umm, hi. I’m new. Welcome me dammit. My name is visible to the left of my post and the last time I checked I was an 18 year old guy. I’m a first year uni student studying at U of WA, living in a big student college nearby. It’s plenty o’ fun, but I get no sleep. I like most forms of music, except eminem. I play guitar, badly. I have a pair of fluffy dice in the hope that I will one day have enough money to buy a car. There you go, that should be more than enough for someone to insult me with. ::waits eagerly in antcipation:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-new-welcome-wagon-thread-newbies-check-in/116316.md?page=4)