# The "Noah" commercials may LOOK pretty, but boy do they sound stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 9, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243 "2014-03-09T04:37:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2014, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/21 "2014-03-12T01:52:54Z")
The trailer has annoyed everyone I know who has seen it. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2014, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/22 "2014-03-12T03:58:31Z")
Drunk naked Noah passed out in his tent or it doesn’t get my money. ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/23 "2014-03-13T08:32:50Z")
Yeah, incredible liberties (yeah, “Vikings” was pretty much the impression I got too), but whaddya expect, really? Anytime the original story is just too bland for movie audiences, they gotta embellish it. And the blander the source material, the further out on a limb they go. (This is pretty much happened with The Scarlet Letter, too; Roger Ebert even began his review by pointing it out.) And let’s face it, this was going to be a hard sell no matter what…rigid Old Testament fundamentalism isn’t exactly a hot property right now, and a massive flood killing lots of people could strike way too close to home for much of our country. Eh. This looks like it’s going to be of those movies that’s a lot less fun to watch than to argue about. Most of the big religion-themed works are like that, I notice. Wendell Wagner - Monty Python And The Holy Grail is _astoundingly_ gory for a screwball comedy (seriously, the Black Knight battle with the spurting blood _terrified_ me the first time I saw it), so pitching it as a hack-and-slash action movie really isn’t that much of a stretch. I almost can’t believe it got a PG rating. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/24 "2014-03-13T11:20:25Z")
True, there are gory moments in _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, but it’s not an action movie overall. You couldn’t cut it into an action trailer if it had no such moments, but that doesn’t mean that it’s like that in general. The same will probably be true of _Noah_. There will be scenes that are like those of an action movie, but it probably won’t be like that overall. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/25 "2014-03-13T13:51:01Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Remember, this is Darren Aronovsky we’re talking about - director of **Black Swan, the Wrestler, the Fountain, Requiem for a Dream** and **Pi**. The film may turn out to be a failure, but it will definitely be an interesting failure. > > (Although the probability of ass to ass dildo action is, unfortunately, rather low). On the contrary. Remember why Ham was cursed, according to some commentators? 😃 > **[Curse of Ham](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_Ham)** > > In the Book of Genesis, the curse of Ham is described as a curse which was imposed upon Ham's son Canaan by the patriarch Noah. It occurs in the context of Noah's drunkenness and it is provoked by a shameful act that was perpetrated by Noah's son Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father". The exact nature of Ham's transgression and the reason Noah cursed Canaan when Ham had sinned have been debated for over 2,000 years. > The story's original purpose may have been to justify the biblical subjecti... > [@](#): > > Ancient commentaries have also debated that “seeing” someone’s nakedness meant to have sex with that person (e.g. Leviticus 20:17).[16] The same idea was raised by 3rd-century rabbis, in the Babylonian Talmud (c. 500 AD), who argue that Ham either castrated his father, or sodomised him.[18] The same explanations are found in three Greek translations of the Bible, which replace the word “see” in verse 22 with another word denoting homosexual relations. [Emphasis added] Some anal action in the Noah story is perfectly Biblical (albeit, ‘… with a dildo’ would be a gloss). ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/26 "2014-03-13T14:36:22Z")
I find it hilarious that some fundamentalists or whoever are attacking the yet-unseen film as “historically inaccurate”! It’s a fable, people! It’s fiction - it didn’t actually happen!. Sheesh. I gotta get off the interwebs. except for maybe the dope. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/27 "2014-03-13T15:08:11Z")
It’s got to be better than Evan Almighty right? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/28 "2014-03-13T15:32:39Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Remember, this is Darren Aronovsky we’re talking about - director of **Black Swan, the Wrestler, the Fountain, Requiem for a Dream** and **Pi**. The film may turn out to be a failure, but it will definitely be an interesting failure. > > (Although the probability of ass to ass dildo action is, unfortunately, rather low). Well, Noah was 900 years old. So he probably did go through an experimental phase or two. This is actually what I expected when a friend dragged me to Raiders of the Lost Ark back in 1981. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/29 "2014-03-13T16:20:58Z")
After seeing the commercial another MILLION times (damn you, Tennis Channel!) I think it’s the combination of cheesy voiceover and the Russell Crowe’s snarky muttering of his lines. It makes it sound like Noah is supposed to be some action hero badass dropping Terminator-esque one-liners. So now I’m choosing to hear it in an Austrian accent. This pleases me. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/30 "2014-03-13T18:02:48Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It makes it sound like Noah is supposed to be some action hero badass dropping Terminator-esque one-liners. “Hey monkeys, come with me if you want to live.” “Hasta la vista… sinners.” ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/31 "2014-03-13T18:03:43Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > “Hey monkeys, come with me if you want to live.” > “Hasta la vista… sinners.” Okay, now I’m REALLY going to enjoy the commercials. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/32 "2014-03-13T18:16:59Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > “Damn it, I said TWO of each kind, Ham.” According to Genesis 7, he was actually supposed to take seven pairs of each kind of clean animal, presumably so they could be used for food either during or after the time on the ark. So he had to make sure he had enough of the really delicious animals on board. Hence the line “There’s Noah counting for taste.” ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/33 "2014-03-13T18:22:45Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > According to Genesis 7, he was actually supposed to take seven pairs of each kind of clean animal, presumably so they could be used for food either during or after the time on the ark. So he had to make sure he had enough of the really delicious animals on board. Hence the line “There’s Noah counting for taste.” Except of course - prior to the flood - they were vegetarians… ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/34 "2014-03-13T18:27:10Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > “Hey monkeys, come with me if you want to live.” > “Hasta la vista… sinners.” > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > According to Genesis 7, he was actually supposed to take seven pairs of each kind of clean animal, presumably so they could be used for food either during or after the time on the ark. So he had to make sure he had enough of the really delicious animals on board. Hence the line “There’s Noah counting for taste.” Based on this sampling, I think it’s a safe bet that this thread will end up being far more entertaining than the actual movie. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/35 "2014-03-13T18:31:13Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > True, there are gory moments in _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_, but it’s not an action movie overall. The gory moments are also really obviously fake. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/36 "2014-03-27T20:23:12Z")
> **[Noah](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/noah_2014)** > > When God decides that mankind has become too sinful and must be wiped off the Earth, he chooses Noah (Russell Crowe), a pious man, for a great task. Noah must build an ark large enough to hold his wife (Jennifer Connelly), adopted daughter (Emma... Most of the reviews will likely come out tomorrow, but 76% positive with 58 reviews and 84% positive of the Cream of the Crop with 19 reviews. ---
**Author:** ![Headrush042](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/37 "2014-03-27T21:40:34Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > “Hey monkeys, come with me if you want to live.” > “Hasta la vista… sinners.” Get to the Aaahhhkkk! ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/38 "2014-03-28T03:53:55Z")
Saw the flick tonight. It wasn’t like the book (King James Version). It was much better. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/39 "2014-03-28T03:54:25Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > This is a typical action-movie trailer trick - convince the viewers of the trailer that the movie will be a pure rockem-sockem action movie and then at the end finally mention the name of the film. You can do this with almost any film. A perfect example is the new film about Cesar Chavez. From the ad, you would think it’s a sequel to _Thor_. The basketball tournament pre-empted Jeopardy tonight, so I flipped over to Hannity, and they were talking about _Noah_. And they were outraged. First, apparently the movie doesn’t use the word “God.” Instead, it uses “Creator.” How insulting and blasphemous can you get? Also, they were outraged that one of the writers said that they wanted to stress that the story of Noah was universal. Hannity noted that he had spent four years in a seminary studying theology, which was news to me, and then showed that he got his money’s worth by attacking this attempt to make Noah universal, when everybody knows that Noah is a Judeo-Christian story. If you believe the Bible, which Hannity presumably does, then Noah is the ancestor of everyone on earth, and he lived long before Judaism was established, let alone Christianity. It’s kind of like saying Columbus was an American. They also scoffed at the idea that Muslims would be interested in Noah, evidently not aware that the Quran recapitulates many of the stories in the Hebrew Bible, including Noah and the flood. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/40 "2014-03-28T04:01:17Z")
If they had dubbed in some of the Bill Cosby dialogue it would have been much better. “What’s a cubit?” “Riiiggggghhht” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243.md?page=3)