# The "Noah" commercials may LOOK pretty, but boy do they sound stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 9, 2014, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243 "2014-03-09T04:37:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/41 "2014-03-28T04:14:50Z")
Is it at least 3D? I wanna see the prow of the ark sticking it to the audience. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/42 "2014-03-28T07:10:14Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > … the probability of ass to ass dildo action is, unfortunately, rather low. > [@Kenm](#): > > I wanna see the prow of the ark sticking it to the audience. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![keeganst94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a6a055/32.png) [@keeganst94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keeganst94)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/43 "2014-03-28T07:23:54Z")
How do they make Noah out to be the hero? Because in the trailers it showed the army of vaguely dirty-looking people out to be villains trying to kill Noah and his family, but nothing else really villainous. And if that’s all I totally support the villains. I mean, visions from God or not, Noah is committing the greatest genocide in history by refusing to let other people on the boat. I’d kill him too. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/44 "2014-03-28T07:55:02Z")
> [@Telperion](#): > > I’ve always thought it would be interesting to see how Noah collected all those animals. “_Ostriches, check. Let’s see now…Rhinoceros?? Oh, come on!_” > [@wellanuff](#): > > Most biblical scholars agree that the story in which Noah finds that he accidentally put two female donkeys on the ark and, taking pity on the poor creatures, provided them with sex toys is most likely apocryphal, so I can understand why the director left it out. You’re supposed to know all and see all. You let me go out there And bring in a pregnant elephant, You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin’, Never told me the thing was pregnant. There’s good old Noah waitin’ underneath the elephant there. Brrrrroooooooooom Right on top of good old Noah. Sick and tired of this mess here. Had enough all this stuff For you runnin’ around. You’re supposed to know all and see all Like I said before. You let me go out there and do all this stuff here. You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark. Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there? Not me! ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/45 "2014-03-28T09:21:57Z")
> [@sparky\_1](#): > > I just watched the trailer. That looks awful. Indeed. I don’t know if it sounds stupid, because I typically don’t understand spoken english in videos. But…fireballs in a movie about Noah? WTF?? Also, there isn’t a single animal in the trailer. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/46 "2014-03-28T09:31:52Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > You’re supposed to know all and see all. > You let me go out there > And bring in a pregnant elephant, > You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin’, > Never told me the thing was pregnant. > There’s good old Noah waitin’ underneath the elephant there. > Brrrrroooooooooom > Right on top of good old Noah. > Sick and tired of this mess here. > Had enough all this stuff > For you runnin’ around. > You’re supposed to know all and see all > Like I said before. > You let me go out there and do all this stuff here. > You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark. > Have you looked down there? > No? > Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there? > Not me! I actually played the Bill Cosby Noah for my Sunday School class, second and third graders. They thought it was terrific. _I’m telling you what I’m going to do. I’m letting all these animals out Then I’m gonna burn down this ark and then I’m moving to Florida or something because You haven’t done nothin’ and It’s raining. All right Lord, me and you._ ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/47 "2014-03-28T15:26:24Z")
“If you liked 300, and you liked Titanic, you’ll love Noah” Well, maybe they’re right. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/48 "2014-03-28T15:35:21Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > A perfect example is the new film about Cesar Chavez. From the ad, you would think it’s a sequel to _Thor_. > > The basketball tournament pre-empted Jeopardy tonight, so I flipped over to Hannity, and they were talking about _Noah_. And they were outraged. > > First, apparently the movie doesn’t use the word “God.” I Uh… unless I’m forgetting something, isn’t not speaking the name of God an old-school Judaic thing? As in, referring to him as the ‘Creator’ is a way to refer to him without actually using his name, and thereby more respectful and accurate than just coming out and saying “God”? Then again, Sean Hannity is a cretin of the lowest order, so I’m not surprised. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/49 "2014-03-28T15:54:13Z")
I’ve read some reviews on Reddit that make this movie sound pretty fucking awesome. [This is a pretty in-depth review by a user there.](http://www.reddit.com/r/movies/comments/21k5o7/official_discussion_noah_spoilers/cgdufvl)It contains a lot of spoilers but also will give you a good idea of what this movie is like. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/50 "2014-03-28T16:28:53Z")
> [@ISiddiqui](#): > > [Noah (2014) | Rotten Tomatoes](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/noah_2014/) > > Most of the reviews will likely come out tomorrow, but 76% positive with 58 reviews and 84% positive of the Cream of the Crop with 19 reviews. 78% total and 90% Cream of the Crop today with 101 reviews and 31 reviews respectively. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/51 "2014-03-28T16:31:53Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Uh… unless I’m forgetting something, isn’t not speaking the name of God an old-school Judaic thing? As in, referring to him as the ‘Creator’ is a way to refer to him without actually using his name, and thereby more respectful and accurate than just coming out and saying “God”? Yes, and there’s a current thread on SDMB about not even writing it, but instead writing “G-d.” I really didn’t understand why Hannity and his pals thought “God” was so important, since it’s a very generic term, that could even apply to Greek or Norse gods. A more specific name would be Jehovah, or more accurately, Yahweh. In the book of Exodus, God tells Moses that he didn’t reveal his true name to the patriarchs. Genesis uses several different terms for God. My personal favorite is “El Shaddai,” which to me sounds like a Mexican bandit. There’s a list of a dozen or so more Jewish terms for God here: > **[Names of God in Judaism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Names_and_Titles_of_God_in_Judaism)** > > Judaism has different names given to God, which are considered sacred: יהוה (YHWH), אֲדֹנָי (Adonai transl. my Lord\[s\]), אֵל (El transl. God), אֱלֹהִים (Elohim transl. God\[s\]),\[n 1\] שַׁדַּי (Shaddai transl. Almighty), and צְבָאוֹת (Tzevaoth transl. \[Lord of\] Hosts); some also include I Am that I Am. Early authorities considered other Hebrew names mere epithets or descriptions of God, and wrote that they and names in other languages may be written and erased freely. Some moderns advise spec ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/52 "2014-03-28T16:49:25Z")
I think I’ll wait for the ‘reboot’ - I wanna see Noah with twin machine guns at his hips. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/53 "2014-03-28T17:10:23Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > I think I’ll wait for the ‘reboot’ - I wanna see Noah with twin machine guns at his hips. [**It’ll happen**](http://giant.gfycat.com/FlimsyAffectionateBasil.gif). ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/54 "2014-03-28T17:35:20Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Remember, this is Darren Aronovsky we’re talking about - director of **Black Swan, the Wrestler, the Fountain, Requiem for a Dream** and **Pi**. The film may turn out to be a failure, but it will definitely be an interesting failure. > > (Although the probability of ass to ass dildo action is, unfortunately, rather low). \*The Fountain \*may be the third-worst film ever made. Wretched almost beyond belief! ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/55 "2014-03-28T17:35:43Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > You’re supposed to know all and see all. > You let me go out there > And bring in a pregnant elephant, > You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin’, > Never told me the thing was pregnant. > There’s good old Noah waitin’ underneath the elephant there. > Brrrrroooooooooom > Right on top of good old Noah. > Sick and tired of this mess here. > Had enough all this stuff > For you runnin’ around. > You’re supposed to know all and see all > Like I said before. > You let me go out there and do all this stuff here. > You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark. > Have you looked down there? > No? > Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there? > Not me! _ding_ God: Noah? Noah: WHAT!?! God: How long can you tread water? Kills me every time. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/56 "2014-03-28T18:54:45Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > [**It’ll happen**](http://giant.gfycat.com/FlimsyAffectionateBasil.gif). Awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/57 "2014-03-28T19:40:24Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > If they had dubbed in some of the Bill Cosby dialogue it would have been much better. > > “What’s a cubit?” > > “Riiiggggghhht” _Ding_ Noah, you have two males there. Your going to have to take one back. I’m not taking nothin’ back! You CHANGE one of 'em! ---
**Author:** ![sweepkick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@sweepkick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sweepkick)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/58 "2014-03-29T05:36:12Z")
> [@Melchior](#): > > \*The Fountain \*may be the third-worst film ever made. Wretched almost beyond belief! Well god damn… you certainly changed _ **my** _ mind. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/59 "2014-03-29T14:00:34Z")
> [@Finagle](#): > > Well, Noah was 900 years old. So he probably did go through an experimental phase or two. And after all, no gal will give in to no man what’s 900 years. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2014, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243/60 "2014-03-29T16:46:45Z")
Great film actually. Felt like the sort of epic movie Aronofsky wanted to originally make with The Fountain (which ultimately became a much smaller, tighter film). I’d put it this way: He made a wonderful fantasy tale by using a lot of the connective tissue of Genesis then told it on a very earthy, gritty, human level. There’s a good story, great pacing, and yes, risks taken depicting the Watchers (but in context, it worked for me). But even by making stars and nebulas visible in the daytime sky, and the beautiful telling of the creation story semi-reconciled with the Big Bang and evolution, it made the story and setting feel much closer to Creation and God. Epic as LotR, ponderous as The Fountain, and even had some of the pathos and the ‘search for God’ that Pi did. No double anus dildos that I saw, though And yes, we get: Drunk, naked Noah and a cameo of a dinodog. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-noah-commercials-may-look-pretty-but-boy-do-they-sound-stupid/683243.md?page=4)