# The not-so-positive fortune teller **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [October 11, 2026, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748 "2026-10-11T15:29:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/1 "2026-10-11T15:29:34Z")
A post by @burpo_the_wonder_mutt in another thread - [link](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/things-that-infuriate-you-well-beyond-their-actual-importance/1006712/3150) - gave me the notion of a fortune teller who, rather than relay positive, encouraging predictions, did the opposite. Could be a fun attraction in a carnival setting. So, share a prediction or three that such a medium could offer. - You’re going to get a huge pimple on your nose the night before the next wedding you attend. - You will lose your favorite hat. - Your back will itch in a location that you cannot reach. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/2 "2026-10-11T15:33:50Z")
A misfortune teller. 'I’m sorry, sir. You don’t have a future." ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/3 "2026-10-11T15:44:53Z")
ICE is waiting outside for you. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/4 "2026-10-11T16:13:46Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > A misfortune teller. I like it. I should have clarified in the OP that these should be light-hearted (mis)fortunes. mmm ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/5 "2026-10-11T16:14:06Z")
( **Mr.Mustard** , I am happy to be an inspiration.) BIP: (Examining sucker’s client’s life line) : You…will have…a _huge_ scar…RIGHT HERE! (Jabs palm with long, sharp, raggedy fingernail and disappears in a cloud of smoke, cackling.) ---
**Author:** ![Thumper668](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thumper668/32/20803_2.png) [@Thumper668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thumper668)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/6 "2026-10-11T16:14:08Z")
The worst things you can imagine happening **will** happen, simply because you imagined them. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/7 "2026-10-11T18:08:49Z")
The most energetic neutrino ever measured will pass through you after being detected by the [IceCube detector](https://icecube.wisc.edu/). ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2026, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/8 "2026-10-11T21:51:59Z")
I see a tall man dressed in dark blue. He’s studying your car intensely. He takes out a pad. He’s writing you a parking ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/9 "2026-10-12T02:43:11Z")
Before I tell you your fortune, I must insist on being paid in cash now. _Right_ now. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/10 "2026-10-12T13:41:49Z")
Your brand new white T-shirt will be covered with ketchup by the time you leave the carnival. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/11 "2026-10-12T13:49:40Z")
I used to work with s couple of ladies who were really into this stuff. They would attend conventions and all the above. I joked with them that I should get in on the fortune teller gravy train but needed an angle. We came up with a “fecal reader”. I would give you a reading based off of a supplied stool sample. “Your love life……. STINKS!” “Your financial outlook is…… SHIT!” ---
**Author:** ![Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecae2f/32.png) [@Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hook)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/12 "2026-10-12T13:51:42Z")
The old standard - “You will never amount to anything”. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@salinqmind1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind1)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/13 "2026-10-12T13:55:35Z")
I see a tall dark stranger. He will appear before you at Al’s Tire and Service Center. He will tell you the treads on your car tires are worn away and you need new tires at a cost of $800. ---
**Author:** ![Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swords_to_Plowshares)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/14 "2026-10-12T14:08:26Z")
Everything you count will be off by one, but you don’t know in which direction… ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/15 "2026-10-12T14:36:46Z")
You will go on a long journey. A long, tedious journey. A long, tedious journey in a seat with poor lumbar support. A long, tedious journey in a seat with poor lumbar support, the back of which is being relentlessly kicked by a bored five-year old. On arrival, it will become apparent that the 90 minute meeting you are there to attend could very easily have been an email. The journey back will be worse. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/16 "2026-10-12T14:45:31Z")
Do you perchance recall _ **The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao** _? The blind fortune teller who told you the absolute truth about your future, no matter how dark? Also, I’ve wondered if any gag gift manufacturers put out Misfortune Cookies (“a curse in every cookie!”) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/17 "2026-10-12T15:03:14Z")
Imagine organizing a fortune tellers convention and no one shows up because they already know what happens. The convention hall map has a marker labeled “You will be here”. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/18 "2026-10-12T15:22:56Z")
> **[Google Image Result for...](https://www.google.com/share.google?q=CeTajHRagQTG8fG8f)** ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/19 "2026-10-12T15:25:08Z")
Fortune teller: I’m ruined! Oh, why didn’t I see this coming? “Penn will beat me if I talk!” ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2026, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748/20 "2026-10-12T20:46:56Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > share a prediction or three that such a medium could offer. You will live for the remainder of your life. How about Cordwainer Smiths’s story: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-not-so-positive-fortune-teller/1033748.md?page=2)