# The Nothing Post **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 29, 2002, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193 "2002-04-29T01:30:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![dreamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@dreamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dreamer)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/201 "2002-07-08T05:43:49Z")
Having just wandered into this thread, I have to say I’m very happy to have found a place where I can post about NOTHING and everyone is cool with it 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/202 "2002-07-08T05:46:08Z")
Bleh. I say: **bleh**. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/203 "2002-07-08T07:37:30Z")
I appear to have wandered in late and missed out on the alcohol, twister, baby oil, driving lessons etc… Soooo can I have a JD & coke, a strawberry daquiri (sp?) and a margurita. I need to catch up:D ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/204 "2002-07-08T08:04:58Z")
It’s quick, it’s easy, its **Kwerps Bondage in a Bottle**. Yours for just $19.95 and your immortal soul! And if you act now, **Kewrps** will give you a second bottle FREE. But Wait! Call within the next 9 minutes, and the fine people here at **Kwerps** will throw in a **Bottle O’ Lube** for free. That’s one Bottle O’Lube and TWO Bottles of Bondage in a Bottle for just $19.95. Call 1 800 BON DAGE [sub] Offer void where prohibited, additional Sales tax in NY, CA, and WA [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/205 "2002-07-08T16:11:48Z")
**Vaarooom, vaaroom** , Somebody lookin’ for me? \* **JCoM** pulls up in **ozonebaby’s** still-dripping Jag #1.\* I got a wrecker service to pull this Jag out of the creek after **JBERGES** completed the underwater repairs. Good job, J ! Errrr, **ozonebaby** , for future reference, you probably shouldn’t leave your credit card in the glove compartment. I put the wrecker bill on it. (made sense to me) While I was out and had your card, I bought a bunch of really cool fireworks at a post-July 4th sale. I mean a _BUNCH!_ We can get this party back to poppin’ now. Oh yeah, the drinks supply was runnin’ a little low here, so I stopped by a liquor store and stocked up there, too. Handy thing, your credit card. $10,000 limit? We’ve probably got a little left on it for an emergency. Well, maybe. Probably. Some. Enough for two tanks of gas, one in each Jag, with a little luck. **ems** , you want a JD and Coke, AND a Strawberry Daquiri, AND a Margarita? You know where you’re headin’ with _that_ mix don’t you? Are you tryin’ to catch up or cash out? Whew! Here comes the delivery guy with two cases of **Mudshark’s** “Bondage in a Bottle.” Muddy, is that stuff a pour-on, or does one drink it? Inquiring minds (and willing bodies) must know. OK, here’s a plan: We’ll all have a big helping of **Flamsterette\_X** ’s brother’s favorite: Tomato rice topped with mint chocolate chip ice cream and BBQ sauce. As per the suggestion of **alice\_in\_wonderland** and **Yllaria** , we’ll have some of that salut cheese as a side order, with this nice Thunderbird wine I bought for a beverage. After that… We’ll go ridin’! Since **ozonebaby** now has two Jaguars, we can load each one up and race around the neighborhood playin’ bumper tag and shootin’ bottle rockets at each other. Whatta’ blast! **ozonebaby** “isn’t up for” alcoholic beverages, so she can be the designated driver of the new Jag. **JBERGES** is already familiar with the controls of the old jag, so he drives that one. **Flamsterette\_X** rides with him as the “Licensed Adult”(heh). Everybody else pick a car and pile in. It’ll be really cool when we get eight or nine people in each Jag. Don’t be scared, **Gopher**. Climb right in here with o-baby and me. Grab a few bottle rockets to shoot at the other car, and relax. Enjoy yourself. Seatbelts? Nah, won’t need ‘em. What can possibly go wrong? Ummmm, after the above drink selection, plus _that_ meal, plus Thunderbird wine, **ems** is gettin’ in the _other_ car. You know, the one that I’m _not_ in. Some of that mix is bound to want out! Drive real well, **ozonebaby**! The idea in bumper tag is to just kinda’ tap the other car, doing some minor damage, but don’t have a big wreck that totals the cars out. Since both cars are yours, you shouldn’t mind…😉 I mean, it’s not like there’ll be any insurance claims or law suits or any confusing stuff like that to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/206 "2002-07-08T18:49:22Z")
I am never sick, never get hangovers but I will pass on the alcohol if I get to drive? Can I can I please? ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/207 "2002-07-08T22:01:09Z")
I’m not really sure, but I think it is a pour and rub on sort of deal. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/208 "2002-07-09T00:38:41Z")
Actually, at the barbecue we went to last night, my brother roasted a piece of pork, a cream puff, a marshmallow, and a mini-brownie on a stick. He was just going to eat it until I dared him to roast the whole thing. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![JBERGES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@JBERGES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBERGES)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/209 "2002-07-09T02:52:31Z")
**John**! I knew you’d show up! Party’s just not the same without you. ::hops into old Jag:: This is a great idea. C’mon everyone! Finish eating and hop in! **Ems** , your driving drunk has gotta be better than my driving sober anyway, so you can drive. I’ll man the bottle-rockets. Wait, wait, I almost forgot! Everyone, this is my \*100th post \*! I couldn’t think of a better thread to put it than here, my favorite thread of them all. ::sets off bottle rocket:: **Wooh! 100 posts!** ::notices car upholstery is on fire:: ::smothers fire:: Oops, remind me to watch for that while I’m setting them off during the bumper tag game… ::notices his arm is on fire:: AHH! Damnit!! :: Leaps out of car:: :: Stops:: :: Drops:: :: Rolls:: ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/210 "2002-07-09T03:40:28Z")
**Mudshark** , grab a bottle of that “Bondage in a Bottle” stuff and pour it on **JBERGES’s** burning arm. It’ll either put the fire out, or there will be some _very_ interesting results, no? **ems** , it suits me if you go ahead and drink all you want and drive too, as long as you don’t get sick and throw up on the car seat or somethin’ gross like that. I think **ozonebaby** better show up pretty soon, or else we’ll just have to start this combination bumper-tag game and bottle rocket fight without her. That would be a shame, with it being her two Jags that we’re gonna’ be racin’ around in. Congrats on 100 posts, **JBERGES**! Now, if you wanna’ live to post 200, you better not let **Gopher** beat you in the bottle rocket shootin’ department. I mean, your driver is really, like, _flammable_ , man. Somebody pour some of that “bottled bondage” stuff on **dreamer**. She says she’s cool, so we’ll see. An acid test, sort of, in a way. Everybody get done eatin’ that glop and pile in the cars. When **ozonebaby** shows up, she can drink a bottle of Muddy’s concoction, and that way we’ll be able to tell how to put the stuff to best use.😃 ---
**Author:** ![TheRob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@TheRob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheRob)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/211 "2002-07-09T03:40:58Z")
. ---
**Author:** ![TheRob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@TheRob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheRob)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/212 "2002-07-09T03:45:15Z")
^ that was almost nothing, sorry if some already did that but I couldnt read EVERYTHING in this depository of NOTHING. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/213 "2002-07-09T04:30:29Z")
Wasn’t there a nothing post a few months back? ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Juliet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cc9497/32.png) [@Lady\_Juliet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Juliet)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/214 "2002-07-09T06:05:53Z")
::walks into thread:: Ooh Ooh, I wanna join in the fun! ::runs into pole:: OWWWWWWWW! _%$&_ ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/215 "2002-07-09T13:03:56Z")
I would just like to point out I said I would pass on the alcohol if I could drive a jag…I am sitting here with these drinks waiting for an answer… ::twiddles with cocktail umbrella:: bugger it gimme a diet coke and the keys. **Lets go!!** And some one pick Lady Juliet off the floor ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/216 "2002-07-09T16:27:14Z")
::wanders in, helps **Lady Juliet** up off of the floor, since she seems to have been there for _hours_…helps her to a chair…:: So, since they seem to be getting ready for bumper tag, assuming I can find the bar, would you like a drink? You look like you could use one. 🙂 ::Calmly wanders over toward the bar, dodging a flying bottle-rocket from **JBERGES** ’ direction.:: Hey **JCoM** , did you remember to get ice? I think this lovely lass needs an icepack… ---
**Author:** ![JBERGES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@JBERGES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBERGES)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/217 "2002-07-09T16:32:13Z")
Oh…thanks **John** … _(spank)_ Now my right arm _(spank)_ wont stop _(spank)_ spanking everyone. _(spank)_ I don’t like _(spank)_ this bondange in a bottle. _(spank)_ … … I… I think it stopped. ::hops back into old Jag:: Ok I’m ready! _(spank)_ Whoops. Sorry, **ems**. ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2002, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/218 "2002-07-09T17:46:18Z")
Well, **JBERGES** , if your right arm won’t stop spanking everyone, I suggest you grab either a wooden spoon or the handle of a feather duster (we must have those, right?) and go at it! Actually, scratch that suggestion, sorry. Bad flashbacks of [childhood punishments](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=115068&highlight=childhood+punishments), damn it! (which is the first thing I thought of when I read that post… besides, I was telling **ResIpsaLoquitor** about it briefly last night) Now I am having a serious meltdown here… not your fault, **JBERGES** , of course. I think that we’d be better off just sticking with your right arm… and please don’t wield a whip while you’re at it! F\_X ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/219 "2002-07-10T02:41:38Z")
**TheRob** , your remark; “.” may be the most astute and meaningful observation made in this entire thread of 200 plus posts. Congratulations! **Blink178** , yeah, blink and it’s gone, blink 178 times and it’s right back atcha’. We were kinda’ waitin’ for **ozonebaby** , since these are her Jags, but there’s a limit to everything. We’ll take a round of bumper tag and if she gets back, she can drive one of them the next round.(If there is a next round):eek: OK, **ems** , you drive the old Jag with **JBERGES** and whoever else wants to pile in there. I think since she had such a rude welcome to this party, we should reward **Lady Juliet** by lettin’ her drive the other one on the first round. I’m ridin’ in the new Jag with Lady J. drivin’ and **Flamsterette\_X** ridin’ shotgun. With the Famsterette along, we won’t have to worry about gettin’ our bottle rockets fired off. Everybody got enough bottle rockets to shoot and cherry bombs to throw and stuff? OK, load up then and LET’S GO! Peel out, **ems**! ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Juliet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cc9497/32.png) [@Lady\_Juliet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Juliet)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193/220 "2002-07-10T04:24:00Z")
::still slightly delirious:: Whew! Chairs are just _wonderful_ aren’t they? Nice and comfortable and nice…i like chairs… Right! Anyway, I’d love a drink, **Stiletto** , thanks. Nothing too hardcore, I’m not big on the alcohol. There’s these pesky law things that get it the way of my drinking. Then, I’m going for a ride in the jag with **John** and **Flamsterette** apparantly. Works for me! Get the bottle rockets ready! Anyone else want to join us in the car? Now, wait a minute. How did I get in here in the first place. And what’s this big lump on my forehead? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nothing-post/106193.md?page=12)