# The Nurse From Hell **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457 "2000-03-31T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/1 "2000-04-01T06:10:00Z")
When I was paroled for good behaviour, the Nurse From Hell was assigned to visit me three times a week to change dressings, check vital signs and monitor for fluid in the lungs. I’m happy to report that this Gorgon will be paying me her last visit on Wednesday. She always spoke to me in an accussatory tone, and never once laughed at my witticisms. My wife called the service to ask if it was permissable to give this Medussa a gift as a token of appreciation, and was informed that it would be okay if the gift was inexpensive. I voted for a slap upside the head, but was shouted down. My daughter thinks a Bonsai tree would be nice, and my wife likes the idea of a silk kerchief. I’m leaning toward luring her to the backyard, whacking her over the head with a shovel, and burying her beside the rose bushes, but they said no to that as well. They’ve asked me to put the question to the TM. Kerchief or tree? (Ask me if I care.) ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/2 "2000-04-01T06:11:00Z")
I like the plant idea, but give her a cactus. One with long, pointy spikes. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/3 "2000-04-01T06:15:00Z")
How about a book of medical humor? ---
**Author:** ![JoeBlank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/41988e/32.png) [@JoeBlank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeBlank)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/4 "2000-04-01T06:15:00Z")
Wally, any creature that fails to laugh at your witticisms is clearly not human. If your family will not permit you to carry out your duties to rid the world of this monster, I say go with the noose, I mean kerchief. Mostly because I can’t think of a way for her to “accidentally” kill herself with the tree. ---
**Author:** ![justwannano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@justwannano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justwannano)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/5 "2000-04-01T06:18:00Z")
How about a nice pretty handkie that says Harley Davidson? ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/6 "2000-04-01T06:24:00Z")
For a nurse a coloctomy bag would be both a practical and professional gift. ---
**Author:** ![Crystalguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dbc845/32.png) [@Crystalguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crystalguy)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/7 "2000-04-01T06:30:00Z")
A pretty hankie tastefully wrapped around a one pound of of toxic waste? * * * Crystalguy ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/8 "2000-04-01T06:51:00Z")
Once again, I vote for sea monkeys. The perfect gift for every occasion! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/9 "2000-04-01T06:58:00Z")
I vote for sea monkey shit. The perfect gift for some occasions! * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/10 "2000-04-01T06:58:00Z")
How about a box of candy? I don’t like the idea of a kerchief OR a tree. Frankly, if I didn’t like her, I would get her anything. Jack-Q-Squat. Zette * * * “If I had to live your life, I’d be begging to have someone pop out both my eyes. Just in case I came across a mirror.” - android209 (in the Pit) [Zettecity](http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html) Voted “Most Empathetic”- can you believe that? ---
**Author:** ![billehunt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c37758/32.png) [@billehunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billehunt)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/11 "2000-03-31T19:00:00Z")
How about a copy of “Triumph of the Straight Dope”? And if you can get your wife and daughter to look the other way, maybe you can trip her on the way out. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/12 "2000-03-31T19:09:00Z")
I vote with Arnold on the cactus idea. Plants are good “token” gifts, and you can make sure to poke her with the spikes as you give it to her. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/13 "2000-03-31T19:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Eve: > **Once again, I vote for sea monkeys. The perfect gift for every occasion!** I’ve always found an Ant Farm to be the perfect gift for every occasion. Since you don’t like her, be sure to give her an unlabled box of loose ants as part of the gift. 😃 * * * “Mrs. Krabappel, are you trying to seduce me?” ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/14 "2000-03-31T19:17:00Z")
Ask yourself this Wally: If you were a bonsai tree, would you want this woman pruning you every day? * * * Any similarity between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Watson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Dr.Watson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Watson)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/15 "2000-03-31T19:23:00Z")
Well, if it’s between a plant and a scarf I’d have to vote for the plant. But I think a bonsai is a bit high-maintenance as gifts go, whereas a nice potted Poison Ivy makes a lovely and functional addition to any decor. Dr. Watson “Number of employees it takes to answer a letter received by the Secretary of Health and Human Services: 55.” ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/16 "2000-03-31T19:38:00Z")
Hey Wally, do you care? ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/17 "2000-03-31T20:05:00Z")
Not even a little bit. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/18 "2000-03-31T20:10:00Z")
Get her a venus flytrap. Tell her to sic it on the bug that crawled up her ass. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/19 "2000-03-31T22:50:00Z")
How about a medium-nice kerchief, wrapped around a box of those coconut chocolates, the kind everyone hates? You could always add your own special touch to the chocolates… * * * This is my new sig. Thank Wally. It was his idea. “I made my husband join a bridge club. He jumps next Tuesday.” ---
**Author:** ![Prairie\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Prairie\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prairie_Rose)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457/20 "2000-04-01T00:18:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Inky-: > **For a nurse a coloctomy bag would be both a practical and professional gift.** But what if she can’t find shoes to match the bag? 😛 Prairie Rose [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-nurse-from-hell/15457.md?page=2)