# The Offensive Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2010, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883 "2010-08-02T13:35:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/41 "2010-08-02T20:43:35Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Hey, what do you get if you cross a soccer player and a mythical creature? > > A centaur forward. You are trying to singlehandedly make this thread safe for ten-year-olds, aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/42 "2010-08-02T20:46:03Z")
> [@flight](#): > > > [@Enderw24](#): > > > > Hey, what do you get if you cross a soccer player and a mythical creature? > > > > A centaur forward. > > You are trying to singlehandedly make this thread safe for ten-year-olds, aren’t you? No. I’m just participating in the thread. Would you like me to tell some defensive jokes now? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/43 "2010-08-02T20:49:23Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > I’m just participating in the thread. No, you’re not. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/44 "2010-08-02T20:53:08Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > > [@Enderw24](#): > > > > I’m just participating in the thread. > > No, you’re not. Well I’d hardly expect a dead baby to score a touchdown! ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/45 "2010-08-02T20:53:32Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Would you like me to tell some defensive jokes now? _rimshot_ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/46 "2010-08-02T20:55:00Z")
Actually, he is. No defensive jokes allowed, **Enderw24**. Take your funny story about the goalie and put it in another thread. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/47 "2010-08-02T20:58:10Z")
White dude has his girlfriends initials tattooed on his dick. On holiday in Jamaica, he can’t help but notice the black guy at the next stall has the exact same initials … tattooed in the same place. Unable to contain his curiosity he asks the guy: “Hey - did you have a girlfriend called Wendy Yearwood?” “No” “Well, what do those initials stand for?” “Not initials, son, it says ‘Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day’” ---
**Author:** ![KennerTheGreat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a8b319/32.png) [@KennerTheGreat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KennerTheGreat)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/48 "2010-08-02T21:06:50Z")
What should a wife give a man to ensure a happy marriage? A hot daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/49 "2010-08-02T21:17:16Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus? > > I don’t know either, but _damn_ that thing can pick lettuce This one is my favorite, but only because I love octopuses and Mexicans. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/50 "2010-08-02T21:25:06Z")
There’s a few good ones in [this compilation](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqqy1owxe00&feature=related). ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/51 "2010-08-02T22:22:38Z")
What do you call three Latinos, a Chinese, and four blacks standing in a line? [spoiler]A sprinkler. (spic spic spic CHINK nigga nigga nigga nigga)[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![GHO57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df788c/32.png) [@GHO57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GHO57)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/52 "2010-08-02T22:26:40Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > What do you call three Latinos, a Chinese, and four blacks standing in a line? > > [spoiler]A sprinkler. > > (spic spic spic CHINK nigga nigga nigga nigga)[/spoiler] that’s… just wrong 😃 I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/53 "2010-08-02T22:50:21Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > What do you call three Latinos, a Chinese, and four blacks standing in a line? Reminds me of: What do you call 9 Mexicans standing in your front lawn? Spic-et fence. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/54 "2010-08-03T00:13:06Z")
Some really good ones here. My contribution: A priest and a little boy are walking through the woods. The little boy says, “Boy these woods sure are scary.” The priest says, “I don’t know what you’re scared of; I’m the one that has to walk out of here alone!” ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/55 "2010-08-03T01:48:07Z")
So the worst black joke I’ve heard was on some forum I can’t think of at the moment in a similar thread like this. What do you call a black guy on a bike? nigger Sorry ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/56 "2010-08-03T02:06:03Z")
What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/57 "2010-08-03T02:29:37Z")
What’s 3 feet tall, and has 500 arms and legs? A Haitian aparment building Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go donate to charity or something… ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/58 "2010-08-03T03:22:31Z")
> [@Tristan](#): > > What’s 3 feet tall, and has 500 arms and legs? > > A Haitian aparment building > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go donate to charity or something… Brutal. I have to say, really the only thing I miss about England is being able to get down the pub at lunchtime after some tragedy, and hear a joke like this, which reminds me: How do we know Lord Mountbatten had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders on the shore. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/59 "2010-08-03T04:09:30Z")
> [@Tristan](#): > > What’s 3 feet tall, and has 500 arms and legs? > > A Haitian aparment building > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go donate to charity or something… How do you make a Haitian sandwich? Two slabs of concrete and a Haitian ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/60 "2010-08-03T06:54:25Z")
So, at noon, this very hungry guy is on the prowl for a good meal. Unfortunately, all the restaurants seem full. He enters into a small Italian mom-and-pop, where he sees a free chair in front of a man reading his journal. On the table is a plate full of fuming spaghettis with parmesan. He sits down, but no waiter comes. ‘Dammit, this guy is so absorbed reading his journal that he doesn’t see his plate ! Well, too bad for him…’ he thinks, as he starts devouring the spaghettis. He heartily eats and eats, he has soon finished, and suddenly he sees a comb lying in the bottom of the plate. That comb is full of hairs, lice, crabs, dandruff, etc. So he can’t hold it, he pukes all the contents of his stomach in front of him, i.e. in the plate. Then, the man in front of him lowers his paper, nods sadly and says : ‘Yeah, the comb.’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883.md?page=4)