# The Offensive Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2010, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883 "2010-08-02T13:35:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/81 "2010-08-03T17:47:17Z")
You’re so going to Hell… I’ll save you a seat. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/82 "2010-08-03T18:00:58Z")
Q. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple? A pimple waits until puberty before it comes on your face. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/83 "2010-08-03T18:06:13Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > Q. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple? > > A pimple waits until puberty before it comes on your face. xDDDDDDDDDD ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/84 "2010-08-03T18:11:58Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > What’s the perfect woman? > > She’s 3 feet tall, has no teeth, and there’s a flat spot on her head where you can set your beer. You forgot about her big ears. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/85 "2010-08-03T18:22:57Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#): > > If dead baby jokes don’t do it for you, you’re totally desensitised: OK, how do you get 50 dead babies in the trunk of a car?A blenderHow do you get them back out?Tostitos ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/86 "2010-08-03T19:29:37Z")
What did Jesus say on the cross? “What a Hell of a way to spend Easter!” What did Jesus’ guards say to Jesus? “Would you mind crossing your legs? I only have one nail”! What’s the theme song for the Cerebral Palsy ward? “Whole Lotta Shakin’ goin’ on” “If God had intended man to fly, He wouldn’t have created Mexican air traffic control !” Please mouse over the answers. I don’t know yet know how to do the spoiler thing. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/87 "2010-08-03T19:36:04Z")
What do get when you cross a Black with a Gypsy ? A kid too lazy to steal. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/88 "2010-08-03T19:39:27Z")
What is the correct anatomical term for the useless unsightly flesh around the vagina? The “woman” What’s black and brown and looks good on a nigger? A pack of Dobermans Scootch up there, guys. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/89 "2010-08-03T19:46:29Z")
About Dobermans : What’s the difference between a Dob and a poodle ? when a Dob humps your leg, you let him finish. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/90 "2010-08-03T19:47:53Z")
Two Palestinian moms watching their kids playing in the schoolyard. “Aw, aren’t they sweet? They blow up so quickly these days!” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/91 "2010-08-03T20:12:17Z")
Two ghetto kids sharing a joint and chatting. One asks the other, “What you gon be if you grow up?” ---
**Author:** ![Loisseau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Loisseau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loisseau)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/92 "2010-08-03T20:19:05Z")
What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a yeast infection? Quarter Pounder with cheese ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/93 "2010-08-03T22:21:53Z")
How many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, you fucking racist ---
**Author:** ![may\_be\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@may\_be\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/may_be_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/94 "2010-08-03T22:29:27Z")
> [@Loisseau](#): > > What do you call an Ethiopian woman with a yeast infection? > > Quarter Pounder with cheese My life is complete. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/95 "2010-08-04T06:35:59Z")
How many Alzheimer’s sufferers does it take to change a light bulb?To get to the other side. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/96 "2010-08-04T07:38:01Z")
A kid goes up to his father and says, “Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?” His father says, “No…how old?” He says, “I’m eleven!” He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, “Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?” She says, “Come closer…” She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, “You’re eleven.” He says, “How could you tell?” She says, “I heard you tell your father.” ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/97 "2010-08-04T07:42:00Z")
What do you call a homosexual Jew? A Heblew What do you call a homosexual Irishman? A Gaylick What do you call a homosexual Chinaman? A Twomanchew What do you call a male homosexual dinosaur? A Packasauras What do you call a female homosexual dinosaur? A Lickalottapus What’s the difference between unloading a truck full of bowling balls and unloading a truck full of dead babies? You can’t use a pitchfork on the bowling balls What’s grosser than 8 dead babies in a garbage can? One dead baby in 8 garbage cans What’s gross? A sculpture made entirely of boogers. What’s grosser than that? Eating the sculpture afterwards. What’s gross? Sitting on your grandfather’s lap when he has a hard on And grosser than that? Coming back for more What’s disgusting? Throwing your underwear to the wall and having it stick there. What’s more disgusting than that? Watching it slowly ooze down the wall leaving a brown smear behind it. And even more disgusting? Three days later it starts climbing back up. What’s sick? Waking up from a wet dream and finding out you have diarrhea And what’s sicker than that? Waking up from a wet dream to find your lover has diarrhea. Did you hear about the Polish guy who drowned in his own home? The doctor gave him a prescription for a laxative and told him to stay in bed. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/98 "2010-08-04T07:46:21Z")
Some terrible ones there, **IT**. By terrible, I mean “great”. 🙂 Q. What do you call a mentally-retarded Chinese person? Sum Ting Wong ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/99 "2010-08-04T07:52:34Z")
Why was Helen Keller’s leg yellow? Her dog was blind too. Did you hear about the meanest rapist in the world? Raped a deaf and dumb girl then cut off her hands so she couldn’t yell for help. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller doll? You wind it up and it walks into walls What was the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken Night all! ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883/100 "2010-08-04T08:02:27Z")
And it’s goodnight from him, and good morning from me. Q. What"s pink and covered in cobwebs? Madeleine McCann"s bike. Q. How did the Priest find the little boy in the forest? Very nice indeed. Q. Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old? Because he was a paedophile. Q. Where do you send Jewish kids with A.D.D.? To concentration camps. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-offensive-joke-thread/548883.md?page=6)