Oh damn. Oh hell. Oh rats. Frutzen-sutzen…grumble-grumble…
All right, I’m in. I have been avoiding even looking at this terrible thread until The Day itself arrived. But when techchick mentioned August 4 some time ago, I decided in secret that I would use that day as well. So it’s time to be in this thread.
I cheated already, sort of - my last cig was at 6:00 this morning. However, I was staying up all night for the express purpose of smoking cigarettes. Now I have slept, and destroyed all remaining smokables. It starts today.
A little background on my smoking history:
I am 35 and have smoked on and off since I was 17, with several clean periods… but more smoking than nonsmoking.
The last time I quit, about 2.5 years ago, I made it for almost 2 years. Then 6 or 8 months ago I started again, because I was in a class that was stressing me out, and I NEEDED them, darn it. Of course I didn’t intend to ramp back up to a-pack-and-a-half-a-day, but that’s where I’m at again. Of course the stressful class is long completed. Time to quit again.
My thoughts on not smoking:
I really hate the concept. I dislike anti-tobacco types; I loathe the expensive and un-Constitutional* U.S. public health campaign; the part of me that remains a Southerner feels it’s my patriotic duty to smoke and support the great states of Kentucky and Virginia. I really do not want to be known as a “non-smoker” because I’ve met so many non-smokers who are fussy, prissy, self-righteous, etc…
(* The fedrul gummint’s responsibilities are: deliver the mail, declare war, print the money. Please pass me my cigarettes.)
However - quitting is solely about me and my health (and $$$savings) and I must not be deterred by stupid reasons to smoke.
I feel deprived - smoking is one of my greatest pleasures, and the world is very scary without my little pals that come 20 to a box.
I have a tendency toward emotional distress, and any change of this sort aggravates my problems, of course. I’m very afraid of going completely insane if I give up the smokes. That’s why I got nicotine patches … emergency sanity in a sealed foil packet.
In my worst moments all arguments about health are ineffective. So you say smoking shortens my lifespan? Pass the cigs, please; that’s the idea. Horrible painful diseases, lingering death? I deserve it; bring it on.
However, I recognize this as insanity, and when I don’t care about my health, I will have to think of the money. I’m poor enough that $5-6 a day makes a real difference. I’ll be able to have a Subway sandwich for lunch sometimes, instead of Top Ramen.
Not smoking will make me a less relaxed, more fidgety person; and while I get used to this, I will be taking walks, perhaps even jogs depending on how stressed I am; and this will be great for my system overall. I have a feeling my coffee and sugar consumption will drop, being replaced by more real foods, but I’m worrying about only one thing at a time. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
All in all - I’m aware that smoking is effectively slow suicide. I can no longer justify this. There are a hundred things I need to change; smoking is the most significant one. It’s a start, and just doing that will automaticallly improve other areas like excercise, as I mentioned.
But dammit. I’m unhappy about it today. I need to go inflict my misery on someone already, and I haven’t had the barest twinge of nic-fit yet. This may get really ugly.
I keep telling myself it will be worth it.
Thank you all for being here; I will go read this thread now.
