# The official medical diagnosis is in: I'm full of crap.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 9, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266 "2005-11-09T20:09:03Z")
**Posts on this page:** 16
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/1 "2005-11-09T20:09:03Z")
Last week, I went to my doctor on a follow-up visit for some back pain that had landed me in the ER a couple of weeks before. By the time I got to the doctor, the back pain had pretty much subsided, but he poked around until he found something that did hurt, which was my lower abdomen. So he sent me for a round of blood tests and abdominal ultrasounds (there’s an IMHO thread around here somewhere regarding the ultrasounds).
Everything came back perfectly normal, and today I went back to the doctor’s office for a well woman exam (the first one I’ve had in about 7 years, and boy did I get an earful about that). This was conducted by the nurse practitioner, and while poking around on my belly she found the same sore spot the doctor had found.
“You know what I think this is?” she said. “A loop of your intestines runs right by there, and if it’s full of poo pushing on it can cause some pain like that.”
So I’m full of crap. People have been telling me that for years without charging me for it. And we still don’t know why my back revolted on me last month.
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### Author:  [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/2 "2005-11-09T20:12:27Z")
That sucks. I used to have a bad stomach problem that landed me in the ER and they never figured out what it was. Finally went away.
I had to post because these are the ads I got while reading this thread:
Quality Sexy belly chains!
And:
Gas, Bloating, Flatulence!
Just thought the first didnt quite go with the other…
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/3 "2005-11-09T20:14:20Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#):
>
> So I’m full of crap. People have been telling me that for years without charging me for it.
Sheeesh, anybody in the Pit could have told you that for _free_.
(I’m kidding, I’m _kidding_, you know you’re not, please don’t kill me!)
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### Author:  [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/4 "2005-11-09T20:15:22Z")
Does it mean that everyone’s intestines are curled up in the same way? I have always wondered about that.
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### Author:  [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/5 "2005-11-09T20:17:59Z")
What a shitty thing for them to tell you.
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/6 "2005-11-09T20:56:03Z")
I was waiting to see the doctor in a examine room and the lady he was seeing couldn’t shit. The whole office area knew it because she had a mouth like a megaphone. Eveyone got to hear for 15 minutes about her problem. She couldn’t shit and her back was killing her. The X-ray showed she was plugged to her chest. She also didn’t want to hear she needed to drink water, so 10 minutes was her telling the doctor she couldn’t drink water. Thank you lady.
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### Author:  [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/7 "2005-11-09T21:18:50Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#):
>
> “You know what I think this is?” she said. “A loop of your intestines runs right by there, and if it’s full of poo pushing on it can cause some pain like that.”
>
> So I’m full of crap. People have been telling me that for years without charging me for it. And we still don’t know why my back revolted on me last month.
So what is the cure for a condition like this? It sounds like something a bran muffin won’t help.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/8 "2005-11-09T21:22:59Z")
> [@Honey](#):
>
> So what is the cure for a condition like this? It sounds like something a bran muffin won’t help.
Get some Colon Blow.
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### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/9 "2005-11-09T22:00:06Z")
> [@Harmonious Discord](#):
>
> She couldn’t shit and her back was killing her. The X-ray showed she was plugged to her chest. .
You know I’ve read those “retail hell” site stories about how some ladies go into a store bathroom and lay down a huge 2 foot long steaming Kong sized dump, then vacate the premises with it unflushed, and some poor retail monkey has to go in and unclog these horrors.
I always thought those stores were exaggerations until now. There was one story where the poo lady came back to do it again, and they chased her through the store trying to keep her out of the bathroom.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/10 "2005-11-09T22:40:07Z")
> [@Kythereia](#):
>
> Sheeesh, anybody in the Pit could have told you that for _free_.
>
> (I’m kidding, I’m _kidding_, you know you’re not, please don’t kill me!)
No, actually for _$14.95_, someone in the Pit could have told you that.
($14.95? Really? That’s pretty damn steep for a message board with no t-shirt. How is it we don’t have a Doper t-shirt?)
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2005, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/11 "2005-11-09T23:29:46Z")
> [@astro](#):
>
> You know I’ve read those “retail hell” site stories about how some ladies go into a store bathroom and lay down a huge 2 foot long steaming Kong sized dump, then vacate the premises with it unflushed, and some poor retail monkey has to go in and unclog these horrors.
>
> I always thought those stores were exaggerations until now. There was one story where the poo lady came back to do it again, and they chased her through the store trying to keep her out of the bathroom.
Here’s an opposite to that.
I worked in a retail store in the eighties. A young woman was using the curtained change room. She thought she had to fart. She sprayed shit all over her pulled down clothing, and the walls and the adjacent booth floors. The ladies apparrel women were handing her some towels and clean clothing, as I was walking by to go home.
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/12 "2005-11-10T06:00:17Z")
I’ve been a little backed up since the doctor put me on no-kill pills (one of its more amusing side effects is yawning, which has got to be one of the most bizarre side effects I’ve ever experienced; I spend my day looking like I’m impersonating a largemouth bass) but I wasn’t taking them when my doctor found the sore spot. I think his next plan of attack is a CT scan or something of my back, since apparently the back pain isn’t being caused by my girly bits like he initially thought.
And after reading **Harmonious Discord** ’s story, I must remember to thank every god in every pantheon I know of that I don’t work retail. Yuck.
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### Author:  [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2005, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/13 "2005-11-10T16:44:18Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#):
>
> No, actually for _$14.95_, someone in the Pit could have told you that.
>
> ($14.95? Really? That’s pretty damn steep for a message board with no t-shirt. How is it we don’t have a Doper t-shirt?)
[We do.](https://securesite.chireader.com/cgi-bin/dopestore/buystuff.bat#tshirt)
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### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/14 "2005-11-10T16:48:43Z")
Why don’t you pick a fight with some NC cheerleaders so they can kick the crap out of you?
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### Author:  [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2005, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/15 "2005-11-10T23:44:25Z")
I have seen an astonishing number of people “full of crap” over the last few weeks. They all have one thing in common – they don’t believe the diagnosis regardless of how much crap you see on the X-ray. “I’ve been doing a small poop every four days… How can I be constipated?.. I think I need some more Percocets for the pain ;)”
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-medical-diagnosis-is-in-im-full-of-crap/330266/16 "2005-11-10T23:49:37Z")
> [@Zebra](#):
>
> Why don’t you pick a fight with some NC cheerleaders so they can kick the crap out of you?
I’m premenstrual. I bet I could take’em.