# The Official SDMB Concession Stand

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 31, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057 "2001-08-31T02:15:39Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 13\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/41 "2001-09-05T00:41:38Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> I suppose, El, you could spend them if the store will honor them.

[Slurring words slightly after three Jersey Whores]

Hey, why not? Garshon, pickled eggsh for the houshe!

Yo, check out my Shean Connery Accshent…

[Thump]

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**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/42 "2001-09-05T00:41:49Z")

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oh jeez. would you look at the line?

and I have been hearing so many complaints of bad service, too.  
hey.

this gives me a great idea.

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**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\
**Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/43 "2001-09-05T00:52:38Z")

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::construction begins on something across the street::  
(3 months later)  
introducing:

BAD NEWS BABOON’S STAR SPANGLED FOOD-O-RAMA!!!

\*\* neon signs!  
free balloons!  
nekkid ladies and mens dancing in a private roof top garden \*\* (that I assure you I know nothing about, officer) [sub]officer, i thinnk you dropped this $10,000 .[/sub]  
\*\*  
clowns for the kiddies.  
free carwash  
buy one get one free.  
free text books with correct answers circled.  
a cartoonist on premise 24 hours a day!  
¡Se Habla Español!  
scary looking mafia types, looking out for your car \*\*(unlike Jester’s House o’ Eats, where 1 out of 1.5 cars get broken into. Do you think it’s a coincidence Jester also runs Jester’s house o’ used car stereos? I THINK NOT!)  
all at a 50% savings over Jester’s House o’ Eats!

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/44 "2001-09-08T16:33:00Z")

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**Baboon** , you shouldn’t have crossed me.

\<Sees **saepiroth** stumbling around with a flame thrower, disoriented from all the brainwash…err…“reprogramming”\>

Well, hello there, sir. Are you looking for something? Oh, I see. You’re looking for **Jester’s House O’ Eats**. What’s that? Flaming vengence? Cleansing by Fire? Very good, very good. Yes, I think Jester’s full of it, too.

Well, good sir, you’re just gonna want to go right over…there. \<Points to **Bad News Baboon’s** shop\>

Have fun!😃

\<Watches as **BBB’s** food stand disappears in a flaming fireball\>

Heh heh heh…

And don’t worry, everyone, all the strippers were evacuated safely beforehand. And **Bad News Baboon** is fine, she’s being…taken care of…by my shock tro…errrr…day-care workers.

Hell, I’m feeling happy. Drinks are on the house!!  
[sub]This offer only applies to water and Crystal Pepsi. Oh, and there’s a $500 fee at the door[/sub]

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**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/45 "2001-09-09T16:57:41Z")

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ahhh, the fire…  
the fire…  
the fire?  
THE FIRE??!?!

BBXBZBZBZBZBYASGHHKJSJHSCJKZJN\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>\>…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

_ **\<ZAP!!!\>** _  
_alert! control systems damaged. control systems damaged._

oh dear god… what have i done? WHAT HAVE I DONE???

i was programmed for mindless obedience to **Jester** … for daring to compete with his conglomerate…

and now… and now i have destroyed one of the few who could compete with him… again…

no!  
it should not be!  
i WILL stop **Jester** , in all his evil machinations!!

AAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHH…

:: **Saepiroth** starts to glow, as the raging fires of **BNB** ’s shop begin to swirl about him. lightning strikes off of him, blasting craters in the landscape…  
FLASH!  
**Saepiroth** goes Golden SSj! (Super Saiya-jin!)::

I am coming for you, **Jester** … i will destroy you and all your evil!

: **SSjSaepiroth** flies off into the sky, preparing to lance utter destruction down upon **Jester** ::  
[sub]to be continued, after **Jester** responds[/sub]

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/46 "2001-09-09T19:43:57Z")

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Evil? Please. It’s called capitalism. And hey, YOU’RE the one who destroyed your friend’s shop. I just got a little…confused…in my direction giving.

But, it would seem that I have made myself a nemesis. And not only that, but a nemesis who desires an anime-fueled show-down! Well, you are about to learn just what pain IS, young one, and you can Super-Sayan all you want, but you won’t be able to stop…

SUPER-HYPER-MEGA-JESTER-GUNDAM-EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEEE!!!

\<Jester spins around ultra-fast, and is suddenly wearing a tight, neon-colored jumpsuit and helmet\>

Revealing, no?

\<The Super-Hyper-Mega-Jester-Gundam-Extreme, the greatest fighting machine ever built, rises out of a nearby, conveniently hollowed-out mountain top. Equipped with a cool, flashy, physically impossible laser-sword, guns the size of Houson on each shoulder, a big ass Killo-lot[sup]tm[/sup] Death-Scythe and, of course, Jester’s patented Super-Big-Ass-Gun-of-Ultimate-Destruct, this is one badass robot\>

Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it on.

\<Looks down out of cockpit\>

Hey! **Crunchy Frog**! Get out of that bar! Just cause I’m off fighting the onslaught of evil doesn’t mean that you don’t have to pay!

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/47 "2001-09-09T20:27:54Z")

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“oh come ON,” says **SSjSaepiroth**.

"you do know that the ‘Power Rangers’ will be unhappy that you stole their cardboard suit? i mean, PVC piping and cereal boxes are not going to stop my AWESOME POWER… neither is all that scotch tape.  
“i mean, if it were DUCT tape, well maybe… but SCOTCH? it burns easy, you know…”

**SSjSaepiroth** glances about and cracks a smile.

“well, if you really want to fight me… i think i will start by taking out your economic base.”  
:: **SSjSaepiroth** raises his arms to the sky, and casts firey flaming pure energy of goodness down upon **Jester’s** House o’ Eats, leaving nothing but a mile-wide crater with bits of molten metal and rock at the bottom.::

“of course, i am not a bad person, so i teleported everyone here to an [Arena](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=86160) where we can fight and call each other dirty names without getting in trouble. and to give everyone here some nice stadium seats and free snacks now that J’s HOE has been destroyed.”

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/48 "2001-09-09T21:56:23Z")

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gets HUGE insurance check.

🙂

🙂

🙂

::new sign goes up::

\*\* coming soon: the NEW bad news baboon food-o-rama\*\*

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/49 "2001-09-09T22:09:38Z")

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good citizen… you now shall raise up and provide satisfying snackies to the masses!

but do not yeld to the temptation of evil, or there will be TWO giant flaming craters…

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/50 "2001-09-09T22:17:14Z")

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“yeld”= “yield”

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [September 10, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/51 "2001-09-10T01:27:10Z")

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Hah! **Bad News Baboon** , it seems to me that I just helped you, no? If **saepiroth** had had HIS way, I would’ve been the one with the insurance check, and you woulda still be peddling your wares needlessly.

So who’s evil now?

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [September 10, 2001, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/52 "2001-09-10T01:32:57Z")

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_walks in…looks around, shrugs_

Can I get a latte? How 'bout a coke? Um…a glass of water, maybe?

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**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [September 10, 2001, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-concession-stand/79057/53 "2001-09-10T01:35:02Z")

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**struuter** , just go see the show. this general region is a flaming pit of death. we have free snackies and drinks at the deathmatch!

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