# The Official SDMB Confession Stand **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181 "2001-08-31T19:39:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/21 "2001-09-01T00:32:41Z")
I almost forgot this one- it’s just about the lowest I’ve ever sunk. I dated a guy for several months, encouraging him to think I was seriously interested in him, solely because I wanted to get closer to his housemate. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/22 "2001-09-01T01:54:16Z")
I have a crush on my boss. Well, not really a _crush_ crush, more like I want him to be my dad. Or at least my uncle. Okay, I just really want an excuse to come up behind him when he’s sitting down and hug him and kiss the top of his head. He usually looks rumpled, with messy hair, like he’s _really_ tired and just needs a hug, and dammit, I want to be the one to give him that hug. Is that so wrong?? I mean, I ask you! Please? Father? Am I going to hell? ---
**Author:** ![sdarr2002](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@sdarr2002](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdarr2002)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/23 "2001-09-01T03:26:24Z")
i am a packrat. i am a trekkie. i listen to “big daddy” and wierd al on a regular basis, without the kids being home. i have a billy the bass talking fish. i find johnny winter sexually attractive. my boyfriend is closer to my mom’s age than mine. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/24 "2001-09-01T03:36:23Z")
DAMN YOU FAIRYCHATMOM!!! Damn you to HELL!! ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/25 "2001-09-01T03:49:25Z")
Bless me **FairyChatMom** , for I have sinned. Or may sin. Will probably sin. Whatever. I have a severe weakness for really heavy-set men. I mean, huge guys. If I think they are “fat”, then they’ve probably set a Guinness world record. In my book, big is the height of sexiness. I despise _South Park_. No, really. I can be bored watching Scooby Doo and without all the stupid(er) voices. I am rapidly becoming a huge addict of MSNBC. Luckily, I rarely watch tv, so maybe this ain’t no biggie… Have I mentioned this affinity I have for really great big guys??? ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/26 "2001-09-01T03:53:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SilkyThreat \* > \*\*Bless me **FairyChatMom** , for I have sinned. Or may sin. Will probably sin. Whatever. > > I have a severe weakness for really heavy-set men. I mean, huge guys. If I think they are “fat”, then they’ve probably set a Guinness world record. In my book, big is the height of sexiness. > > Have I mentioned this affinity I have for really great big guys??? \*\* Silky… How **YOU** doin?!?!?!? _makes phone fingers_ [sub]call me.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/27 "2001-09-01T11:32:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nocturne \* > \*\*I think guys that look like Jesus usually does in artists’ renderings are HOT. \*\* Well, he did hang out in deserts after all… or was that the kind of hot you meant?? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Katisha \* > \*\*These days the new episodes aren’t funny at all! :eek: \*\* I dunno - some of them have their moments… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nicklz \* > \*\*I have a confession. > I’d like to tie up a certain doper and… > \*\* …and what? Paint her toenails?!? (Isn’t that what the kids are calling it these days?) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\*…Oh, and I had chocolate-covered Teddy Grahams for lunch.::hangs head in shame:: \*\* My dear, _anything_ involving chocolate can be forgiven… unless you waste it. _That_ would be bad. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silver Fire \* > **I’ve never seen anything “Monty Python” and I think that the previews for “Flying Circus” (or whatever) look really stupid.** Well, duh, isn’t that the point?!? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/28 "2001-09-01T11:37:48Z")
I give … bad directions! Sending people in the wrong directions and I feel bad. I hate birthdays. I have since I was 6 years old and I insisted on not having parties anymore. It makes my mom sad. I also hate holidays, ALL holidays, but I don’t feel bad about that. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/29 "2001-09-01T11:45:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*I lied that day in the elevator: I _did_ know what that smell was. I had Taco Bell for lunch. Some nights I wake up and can still hear the screaming. \*\* Next time you pull a stunt like that, you lose your hair-care privileges… Criminy, man, have a _little_ class! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Creaky \* > **I used to write papers for people in college and grad school for money.** If my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] asks you to do this, tell her to do her own durn work… as a personal favor to me, OK? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferggie \* > \*\*I hate Faulkner. The famous author, not anyone else named Faulkner. I hate Faulkner so much I can’t even remember what his first name is. \*\* Didn’t he write _The Sound and The Fury_? I hated that stupid book. He deserves not to be remembered just because of that stupid book. Don’t sweat it, **Ferggie**. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*But I really, _really_ don’t like Hemingway. I tried, but I just couldn’t do it. Sorry. \*\* Yeah, but the Hemingway look-alike contests in Key West are kinda fun… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FisherQueen \* > \*\*I stole several dollars out of my little sister’s piggybank when I was 12 and she was 6. > …I almost forgot this one- it’s just about the lowest I’ve ever sunk. > I dated a guy for several months, encouraging him to think I was seriously interested in him, solely because I wanted to get closer to his housemate. > \*\* I have 3 little sisters, and I promise, they deserve anything that happens to them. _\_ As for the other, that’s pretty low. Did it work? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/30 "2001-09-01T11:56:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gallows fodder \* > \*\*Please? Father? Am I going to hell? \*\* You call me _Father_ again and I’ll bitchslap you silly… I don’t lug these tits around for my health, ya know! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sdarr2002 \* > \*\*i have a billy the bass talking fish. \*\* I’m sorry, sweetie, but you’re just beyond hope. Just sit there quietly till my associates show up to escort you to the, er, resort… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Whammo \* > \*\*DAMN YOU FAIRYCHATMOM!!! Damn you to HELL!! \*\* ummmm, thank you for your input? Dang, what did I do to you?!? Here, have a cookie and some Ovaltine. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SilkyThreat \* > \*\*… > Have I mentioned this affinity I have for really great big guys??? \*\* Good on ya! I like gentlemen of substance myself. Just stay away from _my_ big guy and we’ll do just fine. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Whammo \* > \*\*Silky… How **YOU** doin?!?!?!? _makes phone fingers_ [sub]call me.[/sub] \*\* \ Hey! This is neither the time nor the place… take your flirtin’ self to another thread!! Sheesh!! ---
**Author:** ![Chas.E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e99b99/32.png) [@Chas.E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chas.E)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/31 "2001-09-01T11:57:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nocturne \* > **I think guys that look like Jesus usually does in artists’ renderings are HOT.** The gods of the internet have heard your plea, and have interceded on your behalf. Through the miracle of the Web, you may now arrange a personal experience with Jesus. [http://www.jesus.com](http://www.jesus.com) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/32 "2001-09-01T12:27:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jinxie \* > **I give … bad directions! Sending people in the wrong directions and I feel bad.** Well, in the grand scheme of things, that’s balanced by people who are given perfectly good directions and still manage to get lost… Unless you’re deliberately trying to send people in the wrong direction, in which case I’d be very disappointed in you… ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/33 "2001-09-01T17:41:45Z")
Last night I had a dream. I stalked a woman and took her to a cheap motel and tied her up. Now, this may sound like I’m ripping off **Nicklz** , but I’m not. I swear. Anyway I took this woman to the motel and all. She was one hot tomato. Maybe she was the Little Woman, maybe she was an International Underwear Model, maybe she was a Dopette whos name can be rearranged to spell MomChatFairy. I’m not saying, and it’s not really important. That’s not what I’m confessing any way. While I had her all tied up, I covered her her in whipped cream (she was naked). Just to watch it melt off of her. This is also not what I’m confessing. It’s coming though. This is what I’m confessing: Even though it was a dream, and money was no object, _I used cheap, non-dairy whipped topping._ In the squirt can, but still. Even in my dreams I’m a cheap bastard. Well, I feel better. -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2001, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/34 "2001-09-01T18:14:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > \*\*… Well, I feel better. > -Rue. \*\* Well, **Rue** , that’s why I’m here - to help you feel better. Step a little closer and see how much better you can feel. No, that’s not a ruler I’m holding behind my back. No, really… Would I swat you?!? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2001, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/35 "2001-09-02T14:27:20Z")
OK, all, I was kidding about the ruler… honestly - I wouldn’t swat any of you. I’m here as a public service! Purely humanitarian and unselfish motives! Really! Unburden yourselves! 'Fess up! Spill your guts! Come clean! You’ll feel better - I promise. [sub]Disclaimer: FCM cannot guarantee any promises made above. She’s lucky she can dress herself without assistance. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/36 "2001-09-03T07:14:32Z")
**Astroboy stands up, but cannot meet anyone’s eyes… he bounces from foot to foot for a moment nervously…** One time in high school, I cheated on a spelling test by writing the words with a pencil on top of my desk really small, and then smudging them out after the test. [sup]Am I going to hell?[/sup] Oh! And a few semesters ago, I gave one of MY English classes a quiz (ain’t it funny how everything comes full circle?)… I noticed a girl cheating by using her cell phone to send text messages to a friend, and I didn’t bust her because she was _CUTE_!:eek: [sup]Question answered. I AM going to hell![/sup] (ironically, whoever she was exchanging answers with was no better at English than she was… she got a 28 (I think) out of 50! Ha!😃 ) **Blushing furiously, Astroboy sits down…** ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/37 "2001-09-03T08:11:16Z")
I have learned, on this day, that men in kilts _really_ do something for me. I’m not a bad person for that, am I? I’m not even Scots. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/38 "2001-09-03T08:13:37Z")
_Cougarfang slips into this thread, reads messages, furrows brow worriedly_ Forgive me FairyChatMom, for I have sinned… I… I… [sup]I whack my sister regularly just to hear her cry[/sup]… and… and… _wriggles in shame_ I… I… [sub]I often entertain thoughts of… you know…[/sub] if i give you some chocolate, will you intercede on my behalf and stop Ammit from taking my soul? Please? really high-grade chocolate… _makes a bambi-face at FairyChatMom_ oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssseeeee? ---
**Author:** ![Nicklz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicklz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicklz)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/39 "2001-09-03T10:18:44Z")
Well I’ll just confess it all. I drink way to much I smoke way to much My “happy trail” looks more like the african rain forest I pluck my eye brows (nobody likes unibrows) I trim my pubic hair I can never get enough sex to be satisfied And my credit cards are past due ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2001, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181/40 "2001-09-03T10:47:26Z")
I think I really **did** lose that library book back when I was ten, even if I managed to convince the librarian that I’d returned it and **they** lost it. I’m re-reading the “Hitchhiker’s Guide” trilogy and I keep hearing Ford Prefect in my head… speaking with the voice of Tony Blair. I’m not sure what sin that is but it must be sinful somehow. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-official-sdmb-confession-stand/79181.md?page=3)