# The Oldest Joke You Remember **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379 "2008-04-15T01:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![uncle\_squeegee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b5e925/32.png) [@uncle\_squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uncle_squeegee)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/1 "2008-04-15T01:26:25Z")
What’s the first joke/riddle/pun you remember learning? For me it’s: What’s big and red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater. Which came from a book called “The Big Red Rock Eater and Other Jokes.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/2 "2008-04-15T01:33:56Z")
Foot, Foot-Foot, and Foot-Foot-Foot were walking in the cemetery one dark night. Foot stumbled and fell into an open grave. Foot-Foot said, ‘What are we going to do?’ Foot-Foot-Foot said, ‘Let’s get out of here. We’ve got one Foot in the grave already!’ Well it was funny when I was three. (Actually, I think I mostly laughed at the names.) ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/3 "2008-04-15T01:41:16Z")
I’m showing my age here. My folks watched _Sing Along With Mitch_ and we all sang: “Be kind to your web-footed friends, For a (?) might be somebody’s brother. Be kind to your friends in the swamp Where the weather is very, very hot. You might think that this is the end…well, it is!” My parents did other things. My sister & I thought it hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/4 "2008-04-15T01:55:10Z")
[QUOTE=uncle squeegee] What’s the first joke/riddle/pun you remember learning? For me it’s: What’s big and red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater. Which came from a book called “The Big Red Rock Eater and Other Jokes.” [/QUOTE] A variant of this is believed to be the oldest known joke. The original, dating to ca. 35,000 BCE, was translated from cave drawings and does not include any reference to a color “red,” colors being unknown at that time. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/5 "2008-04-15T02:08:25Z")
Q: How long is a chinaman? A: Yes, he is. Well, you asked. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/6 "2008-04-15T02:13:31Z")
I learned this knock-knock joke in pre-school: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Marcella. Marcella who? Marcella’s full of water, better call the plumber. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/7 "2008-04-15T02:33:05Z")
“For that _ **duck** _ may be somebody’s brother”! They were still singing this when I was at Girl Scout Camp, decades later. My oldest joke: How do you hide an elephant? Paint his toenails red, yellow, pink, blue, and green, and stash him in a jellybean jar. ---
**Author:** ![Pixilated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aeb1de/32.png) [@Pixilated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixilated)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/8 "2008-04-15T02:36:41Z")
How do you get a one-armed person down from a tree? Wave I used to know a bunch of really bad ethnic jokes & some long forgotten not-so-innocent riddles/rhymes/songs from a book I found in my dad’s stuff… like little willy, clementine, etc I’m sure if I heard a couple it would jog my memory. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Who](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Doctor\_Who](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Who)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/9 "2008-04-15T02:43:03Z")
I know I knew the chicken joke and some non-descript knock-knock jokes first, but this is the earliest other joke I remember… Q: Why did Peter Pan fly? A: If someone hit your peter with a pan, you’d fly too. :::rimshot::: ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/10 "2008-04-15T02:43:17Z")
I loved knock-knock jokes when I was a tiny tot. This was my favorite one: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sam and Janet. Sam and Janet who? (singing) Sam and Janet evening… You will meet a stranger… For younger folks who don’t get it: it’s a pun on “Some Enchanted Evening,” which was a very popular song in the early 1950s. The song comes from the musical _South Pacific_. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/11 "2008-04-15T03:00:08Z")
What’sblack and white and red all over? A newspaper. Hey, I certainly didn’t inherit my humor genes from my Mom. (Or wait, maybe I did. Oh no!) ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/12 "2008-04-15T03:08:48Z")
My grandfather told me this, depression era, joke, probably when I was around 6-8 years old. "Ma sent her boys, Pat and Mike, out to see if they could shoot some game for the table. She gave them one shell for the shotgun, w/ the reminder not to waste it. They set off w/ visions of bagging a deer, or wild pig, or maybe a fat wild turkey, but they hunted all day long and never saw anything but small animals and birds. They hesitated to waste their shot on anything so small and when they did see a duck or a woodchuck, they didn’t have a very good shot. So they were walking down the RR tracks toward home, empty handed. Then Mike spotted a fat black crow circling straight above them. He didn’t even think, it was too tempting to pass up. He raised the gun, took careful aim and fired. The crow plummeted straight down, almost landing a their feet. Pat took one look and told Mike, “Great, but ya’ coulda’ saved the shot, the fall woulda’ killed him!” Obviosly I don’t remember my grandfather’s exact words, but the basic concept of the story is there, and he loved to elaborate his tales, so I tried to recall how he might have told it to me. That was more than 60 years ago, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/13 "2008-04-15T03:09:02Z")
Brujaja:“For that _duck_ may be somebody’s brother”! Thanks, Bru. My husband just went to bed & I’m rolling on the floor laughing & remembering. He’s got to work tomorrow; I’ve got it off. ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/14 "2008-04-15T03:10:15Z")
[QUOTE=phil417] I’m showing my age here. My folks watched _Sing Along With Mitch_ and we all sang: “Be kind to your web-footed friends, For a (?) might be somebody’s brother.” [/QUOTE] DUCK! We’d sing it all the time at my brothers’ boy scout meetings. Alice the camel has two humps…Alice the camel has two humps… ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/15 "2008-04-15T03:11:35Z")
damn, too slow. stupid camel. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/16 "2008-04-15T03:22:18Z")
What did one wall say to the other wall? Meet you at the corner! I must have been around 4 when I heard that one, and tried it on everyone I knew. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/17 "2008-04-15T03:27:53Z")
I told this one over and over and over again when I was a kid: What time is it when the elephant sits on the fence? Time to get a new fence! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/18 "2008-04-15T03:32:37Z")
Heard this one when I was five. An old lady needs some aspirin, so she gets on the bus to go to the store. She shops for a while and buys a lot of things… But she forgets the aspirin. She suddenly remembers on the bus ride home and shouts, ‘My aspurns! My aspurns!’ So the bus driver yelled, ‘Then stick it out the window and cool it, lady!’ ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/19 "2008-04-15T03:48:19Z")
This is what I consider my first “real” joke my uncle told me when I was younger, and I thought it was hilarious. For some reason it always stuck with me… A widowed mother decided it was a good day for a picnic on the beach and bring along her young son. To make it feel special, she dressed him in his new swim trunks and a cute little sailor hat. He was ecstatic. They had a wonderful lunch, and as they were building a sandcastle, a huge wave came crashing on top of them and pulled her boy out to sea. After her immense grief, she swore she would return to that spot on the shore, every day at the same time and pray to the clouds to return to her her son. This went on for weeks. Weeks turned into months, and before she knew it, it was a year to the day. For the umpteenth time, she prayed yet again, begging to the clouds to return to her her beloved son. As soon as she finished, she rose from her knees, and the ocean swelled. Another huge wave came crashing to the shore yet again and when the whitewash receded, there was her boy, soaking wet and yet alive and well! Before embracing her son during this miraculous reunion, she turned once last time to the clouds and said, “He had a hat.” . ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2008, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/20 "2008-04-15T03:49:06Z")
Knock knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana? Okay, so maybe I was a bit annoying when I was a kid. But I had two older sisters who drove me mad, I tell you! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379.md?page=2)