# The Oldest Joke You Remember **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2008, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379 "2008-04-15T01:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![jrbor76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9e8a1a/32.png) [@jrbor76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jrbor76)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/81 "2015-08-03T22:59:14Z")
First joke I remember reading: Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? …Dwayne the tub, I’m _dwowning!_ First joke I remember being told: Older kid on the school bus: “What happened the night the lights went out in Georgia?” Me: “I don’t know, what?” Older kid (pulling my stocking cap down over my eyes): “It got dark!” [I never liked that kid.] ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2015, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/82 "2015-08-03T23:40:14Z")
> [@GuestIGuess](#): > > Oh I have been looking for someone who remembers this joke. My mom used to tell me and I remember telling my kids but have since forgotten it. Can you please help me? Which one - the Herman one or the Viper one? (I wouldn’t want to inflict both of them on people.) \ ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2015, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/83 "2015-08-04T23:04:35Z")
> [@jrbor76](#): > > First joke I remember reading: > Knock, knock. > Who’s there? > Dwayne. > Dwayne who? > …Dwayne the tub, I’m _dwowning!_ Funny, NPR’s _Dinner Party Download_ opened the show with that joke this past Saturday. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/84 "2015-08-05T01:20:07Z")
I remember reading this one in my Mom’s high school yearbook, circa 1920: Little Audrey’s brother told her about a bed that was 5 feet wide by 10 feet long, and she just laughed and laughed, because she knew that was a lot of bunk. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/85 "2015-08-05T10:03:15Z")
One of Bennett Cerf’s books had a passage on really old jokes. He introduced this as “one of the very first”: A lion walks up to a mouse. The lion roars, “Why aren’t you big and strong, like me?!” The mouse answers, “Gosh, man, I’ve been sick!” I don’t get it either. But Cerf explained that “shaggy dog stories”, in which animals simply talked and displayed other human traits, were once considered funny. The message I took away was that humor ages quickly. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/86 "2015-08-05T15:26:35Z")
In grade school, I used to love funny book titles, such as: Over the Cliff by Hugo First Revenge of the Cat by Claude Bottom Wet Sheets by I.P. Nightly How to Get Rich by Robin Banks The Bad Fall by Eileen Dover ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/87 "2015-08-05T16:31:49Z")
Why Thog walk over there? Over there not here. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/88 "2015-08-05T19:22:20Z")
It would either be a knock-knock joke or an elephant joke. > [@campp](#): > > How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? > > By the footprints in the pizza! The older version of that is ‘by the footprints in the butter.’ Are you old enough to remember when refrigerators came with a butter nook in the door where the butter was heated slightly to keep it spreadable? What’s the difference between an elephant and a grape? Grapes are purple. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming wearing sun glasses? Nothing. He didn’t recognize them. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? Here come the grapes. (She was colorblind.) [You had to do those in a series. This next one isn’t in the series.] What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing. It just let out a little wine. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/89 "2015-08-05T19:22:52Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Why Thog walk over there? > > Over there not here. Thog’s not here!!! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/90 "2015-08-05T19:40:36Z")
“[It’s the plumber. He’s come to fix the sink.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTEeJE3tzDE)” ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/91 "2015-08-05T19:59:19Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > In grade school, I used to love funny book titles, such as: > > Over the Cliff by Hugo First > Revenge of the Cat by Claude Bottom > Wet Sheets by I.P. Nightly > How to Get Rich by Robin Banks > The Bad Fall by Eileen Dover “10 Miles To The Outhouse” by Willie Maykit and Betty Woant ---
**Author:** ![RadicalPi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/radicalpi/32/9806_2.png) [@RadicalPi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadicalPi)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/92 "2015-08-05T21:02:32Z")
Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh . . . MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/93 "2015-08-05T21:55:05Z")
Te earliest one I remember is “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!” Beginning with an anti-joke like that wasn’t a good start. It left me confused about what exactly a joke is all about. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/94 "2015-08-05T22:25:48Z")
Kid: Teacher, what part of body is the fray? Teacher: The fray? I don’t know! Kid: But this book says the general was shot in the thick of the fray! Why this joke has stuck with me for 40 years is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/95 "2015-08-05T23:12:31Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Te earliest one I remember is “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!” > > Beginning with an anti-joke like that wasn’t a good start. It left me confused about what exactly a joke is all about. Then you wouldn’t have enjoyed the decorative plaque I saw for sale at a craft fair last year. \*I yearn for the day that a chicken can cross the road Without its motives being questioned. \* ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/96 "2015-08-05T23:29:04Z")
At age 5, me to my mother (as repeated from learning minutes before): “Hey mom, why is a fire engine red?” “I don’t know honey, why is a fire engine red?” “Because if someone was pulling your hose around all day long you’d be red too!” Took years to understand her reaction. Therefore this is the first joke I remember. ---
**Author:** ![yawuntz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a5b964/32.png) [@yawuntz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yawuntz)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/97 "2015-08-05T23:48:11Z")
“Russian Revenge” by Hubitcher Kockoff. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Krupe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Leo\_Krupe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Krupe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379/98 "2015-08-06T00:31:52Z")
From a joke book when I was a kid: "What did one carrot say to the other carrot? Silly one. Carrots can’t talk." From the same joke book: Boy: What are shoes made of? Cobbler: Hide. Boy: What? Cobbler: Hide. Boy: What? Cobbler: Hide! Hide! The cow’s outside! Boy: I’m not afraid of a cow. I swear those were really in a joke book. I never said it was a good joke book. This isn’t old, but I love it anyway, because my youngest daughter was about 4 when she made this one up: Why was the cat afraid of the mouse? Because it didn’t have a brain! Just imagine your four year old daughter saying that, and then she laughs. That’s why it’s special. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-joke-you-remember/445379.md?page=4)