# The Oldest Name **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 10, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899 "2002-04-10T20:31:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/21 "2002-04-12T01:01:26Z")
While the Chinese, and Egyptians are represented here, I would like to mention that one of the oldest _written_ European names is “Alexander”. Michael Ventris found it among the lists in the Minoan/Mycenaean Linear B tablets he decoded. Of course, these go back “merely” to 1200-1400BCE. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/22 "2002-04-12T01:01:55Z")
I’ll make a deal with you. **Flamsterette\_X** … WAG is an acronym for “wild-ass[ed] guess.” Now, please tell me what the hell this “Og smash!” nonsense is all about. Is all my base belong to him? ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/23 "2002-04-12T02:41:46Z")
[OG SMASH](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=103615) ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/24 "2002-04-12T20:23:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*As the husband of a paleoanthropologist, I refuse to be put in a position where I’m arguing with **javaman** about the oldest named human! 😃 \*\* Javaman is only what they used to call my species. My real name is \*\*Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut- gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm \*\*, which is pronounced “Luxury Yacht”. ---
**Author:** ![evilhanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba8739/32.png) [@evilhanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhanz)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/25 "2002-04-12T20:52:19Z")
**Cangjie** is a good bet. He is the man credited with creating and standardizing the written Chinese language 4 - 5000 years ago. Little is known of his life, and he is often described as a minister to the pseudo-mythical Yellow Emperor. However, nearly all ancient Chinese writers attribute the origin of the written language to this one individual. Modern archaeology has shown that there’s often a lot of truth to ancient legends. Of course, if Cangjie was a real man, then perhaps the Yellow Emperor, Huang-Di, was real too - and then all of the associated mythological figures - Yandi, Ci-you, or Luozu. ---
**Author:** ![evilhanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba8739/32.png) [@evilhanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilhanz)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/26 "2002-04-12T20:54:19Z")
minor edit: not creating and standardizing … just “standardizing” ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/27 "2002-04-12T23:16:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by javaman \* > \*\* > Javaman is only what they used to call my species. My real name is \*\*Johann Gambolputty de von > Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- > dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- > ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- > spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- > nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut- > gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm > \*\*, which is pronounced “Luxury Yacht”. \*\* OMG, **javaman**! I know of someone who actually has (or had) an email address sort of similar to what you just posted. Go to [this page](http://wordsmith.org/awad/faq.html) and scroll to the August 1999 email address awards (just a little more than halfway down the page; it’s in a white-colored box). I just saw your post and thought of that! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/28 "2002-04-14T23:09:19Z")
Gilgamesh? ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/29 "2002-04-15T01:22:07Z")
Do titles count? What’s the predicted I-E word for mother? How about Strom? _knee jerk response #4_ ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/30 "2012-03-13T04:30:53Z")
So who is the oldest zombie walking about? Possibly [Alulim](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alulim) ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/31 "2012-03-13T04:54:26Z")
**The Oldest Name** The late Thag Simmons, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Mesquite-oh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@Mesquite-oh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mesquite-oh)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/32 "2012-03-13T05:09:06Z")
Mama? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/33 "2012-03-13T15:05:57Z")
[Zog](http://chaka4612.blogspot.com/2009/08/gary-larson-is-genius.html) ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899/34 "2012-03-13T20:05:27Z")
Easy question. It’s Fred Flintstone! (Or Mr. Gotrocks) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-oldest-name/102899.md?page=1)